Alcatraz Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 A simple "how are you?" I know I definitely shouldn't respond, maybe things haven't worked out with her new partner, or maybe she's just testing the waters. I told her before I went NC that I couldn't be friends with her which she said she was hurt by, still didn't stop her from courting this other guy though. But I receive this text and she's obviously thinking about me. It's a difficult one as I feel like I am healing slowly but surely under NC but days (like today) I miss her greatly. I know I need to hold out until she texts something more sure like "I made a mistake". After all she put me through so much pain I'm not going to give in to her every gesture. Anyone got more thoughts on this?
NC-Thomas Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You already said it, stay NC. Stay strong and keep healing. This could just be a "check in" and when you reply she is gone again. Don't do it. She wanted you out of her life, so be out of her life. Unless you want to be her back-up plan? That will just make you look weak and pathetic. Move on bro. 1
Chi townD Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 It's a breadcrumb. Nothing more than that. You told her that you didn't want to be friends and she wasn't happy with that. So, she figures enough time has past and you've had time to "cool off", so she testing you to see where your head is at. To see if you truly meant that you don't want to be friends. Ignore it. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I know I need to hold out until she texts something more sure like "I made a mistake". You head is right. Now, tell your heart to shut up. 4
OwMyEyeball Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 A simple "how are you?" I know I definitely shouldn't respond, maybe things haven't worked out with her new partner, or maybe she's just testing the waters. I told her before I went NC that I couldn't be friends with her which she said she was hurt by, still didn't stop her from courting this other guy though. But I receive this text and she's obviously thinking about me. It's a difficult one as I feel like I am healing slowly but surely under NC but days (like today) I miss her greatly. I know I need to hold out until she texts something more sure like "I made a mistake". After all she put me through so much pain I'm not going to give in to her every gesture. Anyone got more thoughts on this? You're doing the right thing by maintaining NC. The "How are you?" could be read in any manner of way, but that she sent it really underscores why NC is so important: even the briefest contact fires up all the powerful emotions you've been sorting through since the breakup. And I bet your mind revved right up to a thousand thoughts per second after seeing that text. Continue to ignore. If you find that text really riled you up I'd block her #.
Elle1975 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You know when I read people posting about a breadcrumb, I wish I could receive one, but then, I think about it.. I am actually much better off staying in NC. You won't believe how fast I went from mopping around to being opened to a new guy in my life. Out of sight, out of mind. It's true. Sure, I still "want" him, but the reasons why I want him are fading away. And my head is the battle commander of my NC, not my heart. It helps tons too. Anyway, I hope you ignore her breadcrumb. If you really want to move on, soon you'll be pushing "delete" without a second thought. 3
gj13 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You know when I read people posting about a breadcrumb, I wish I could receive one, but then, I think about it.. I am actually much better off staying in NC. You won't believe how fast I went from mopping around to being opened to a new guy in my life. Out of sight, out of mind. It's true. Exactly my thoughts. A simple Hello could make me the happiest girl, but i know that afterwards i'd be miserable... so i prefer to skip the temporary joy and eat a slice of cake instead. And yes, I miss him so much But NC really does wonders. People keep commenting on how much healthier i look since it begun... 1
Author Alcatraz Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 The text shocked me then a series of emotions quickly followed. The positive thing is I never had the urge to text back, I was more just curious as to why she text, like I said, wondering if her and her new squeeze had hit a rough patch. If it has though it's going to take more than "how are you?" to warrant a reply. I miss her and my heart wants her back but I know it would take a lot to trust her again. I don't know whether to be happy that she was thinking about me or not.
Chi townD Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 My thoughts on this? The honeymoon phase of her new relationship is over and things are settling in a routine for them. Therefore, she has a lot more time to think about things other than her new relationship and her new man. You just happened to pop in there because she knows she did you wrong and is now starting to feel guilty about it. 1
Vegas Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I'll be straight up with you. I'm recently going through round 2 NC with my ex. She played those same games with me too. "Hey, how are you" and continued to text me till I responded. Finally decided to start small talk, started talking more and more after that, hung out, said she was trying to reconcile. Suddenly, changes her mind over a weeks time and tells me she can't do it and she thought she was ready. Stay NC and don't look back. I was like you, I didn't listen to anyone, I was blinded by love and basically everything everyone told me, happened. I have to work on those 2 months I had again to get myself back together. Wish you luck. PS - I did NC the first time around. Solid 30 days absolutely NC. She texted me that morning. Coincidence? Who knows. 1
Author Alcatraz Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Some fine advice from everyone, thank you. Until I receive a text worth replying to ie. "please take me back" I'll be staying strictly NC. Even with a text like that I'd have to really think about if its worth while replying. I just want to move on and get over this mess now.
Author Alcatraz Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 aaaaaaaand I'm back to square one. 3 weeks of NC, I was finally starting to heel and actually started to enjoy my life again, then I ended up getting drunk last night and texted her. She replied. Conversation ensued in which she said everything that I didn't want to hear. So angry with myself for contacting her when I was doing so well. I have now deleted and blocked her number, she is completely out of my life and I hope to never see her again. Don't make the same mistake as me, take the advice given on here, it's the truth and it works!
ProcessingThisBU Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Hey man, don't be harsh on yourself. Have patience with yourself, and that is part of this process of growing ourselves after a BU. You have learned something the painful way, but I'm sure you will never do that again. Cheer up, and start NC again. You are closer each day. I wish you the best. 1
JoeFallkon Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Dont feel bad. im in the same situation. i went NC for 3/4 weeks.She would say hi, then id get an i miss you, love you, even sent a love song. She would text me this 2,3,5,6,7 in the am. i dont have a fb page and she made one with my name and pics. but last friday i messed up. Not really with her, but i get a friend request from her brother, and i didnt accept it at first, but like you, started drinking and i decided to text him. I knew she had talked to him or maybe it was her. Anyways, i told him that ive been ignoring her because of all the sht she has put me through, and i wasnt going to reply to a "hi". Im expecting something more like you mentioned, an apology would be nice. Well this guy didnt even reply. but im sure she got the message. So next time if i hear from her, hopefully she ll say more than just that damn hi. Its like she s winning now, cuz i gave in and told her brother how i felt. I might not hear from her again, who knows. Im back to square one too.
Ordinaryday Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 A simple "how are you?" /QUOTE] I have had the "how are you?" text from dumpers before and I asked people why they sent it, and the general consensus is that in 99.99999999999999999999% of occasions the dumper is feeling guilty about hurting you and wants to see that you are 'okay' and not mad at them and once they get this they will have a clear conscience and disappear from your life for good, and go hook up with their new partner without giving you another moment's thought. needless to say, don't respond 1
Chi townD Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Dude, you aren't the first person to break NC and you won't be the last. So, don't beat yourself up too much. The good thing you did was delete her number and blocked it. Takes away the temptation. So, you're back to square one. But, you have the tools and you know what to do. Time to heal and start making positive changes in your life. 2
Summerrose2013 Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Ah yes, only took 2 weeks of NC before I got the 'just checking you're ok' text...plus 'was doing xxx and it made me think of you'. Luckily for me I'm teetotal so no drunk texting risk. I recommend staying off the booze for anyone in this situation.....!!
Author Alcatraz Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I feel that I've made progress in that sense that I've blocked her from social networking and deleted all past texts from her, etc. I'm no longer under the illusion (or delusion) that we're going to kiss and make up and everything is going to go back to normal, even if she was to come begging, I'd never forgive her for seeing someone else anyway so it wouldn't work out. I'm going to concentrate on bettering myself for now if a new girl comes along then cool, I'm not actively seeking right now, just got to heal! 1
Chi townD Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Yeah dude. Don't worry about chasing after girls. You need to find out how to love yourself again (as weird as that sounds). When we're dumped, we tend not to be the life of the party. We are allowed to be sad and depressed while we heal. But, when you start to work on yourself; when you start making positive changes in your life, you're going to improve your self esteem and your self worth. Get in shape an get a new wardrobe, that may help your self confidence. You won't need to chase after girls. Girls are going to see a guy that is secure with himself and is fun to be around. Girls are going to gravitate to you.
Summerrose2013 Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 Yeah dude. Don't worry about chasing after girls. You need to find out how to love yourself again (as weird as that sounds). When we're dumped, we tend not to be the life of the party. We are allowed to be sad and depressed while we heal. But, when you start to work on yourself; when you start making positive changes in your life, you're going to improve your self esteem and your self worth. Get in shape an get a new wardrobe, that may help your self confidence. You won't need to chase after girls. Girls are going to see a guy that is secure with himself and is fun to be around. Girls are going to gravitate to you. Its funny but like loads of others on here probably, I read the advice to sort my own life out, and really couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I have soldiered on, joined a gym, joined a walking and cycling group and got a moped!! I've met some really energising new people and realised how much I had cut myself off from new experiences in the RS. THey say that being single is the time when we grow and they are so right. I feel like a world of possibilities had suddenly opened up to me. My ex never wanted to do anything or go anywhere and I accepted that but NOW - the world is my Oyster and I have a new found sense of freedom and adventure. Funny how the blinkers are so strong when you are 'in love'..... I didn't really need a new wardrobe as I'm a woman, therefore I love to shop - don't think I could have fitted anything else in but there was always room for a new pair of shoes and a handbag!!
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