sillybint Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I started dating a guy recently (just over 3 weeks) and it seems as though he sees it going quite far - talking about introducing me to all his mates, his aunt... He's such a sweet guy, and we get on like a house on fire - and I respect him so much, he's been a real gentleman. BUT there's no sexual chemistry there for me. We've kissed a few times, but there's no 'passion' or anything from my part. How do I let him down gently? We text occasionally, but we have to arrange to meet up for dates. How can I tell him I want to be his friend? Can I do it over text? Ordinarily, I'd say absolute no to breaking up with someone, but we're not 'in a relationship', we're just dating (and of course, haven't slept together or anything) so is it okay to do it via text without coming off like a heartless cow? Any advice? Thanks
PegNosePete Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 If text has been the primary means of communication, and since you've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, then sure it's fine. Much better to pick up the phone though. Text can seem harsh and he will likely have questions. Don't go too deeply into the reasons. Don't say things that he could have an answer to (eg. "there's no passion in your kisses" he will respond "I'll put more passion in"). Instead, say things such as "I don't feel that we are a good romantic match" or "I don't feel we would work out in the long term". Don't friend-zone the poor guy! If you don't want see him romantically then just say that. If he brings up being friends then sure you can go along with it, but don't bring it up yourself. Guys hate that. 4
todreaminblue Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 ill disagree and say i offer friendship guys dont hate it when i do.......for me to eb dating they were already friends on some level in the first place and it had developed moreso into an intimate relationship. The only time i havent had passion fro dates really was online where i didnt know them from a bar of goats milk soap.....i see compassion in a growing friednship often....i have passion because of that.....compassion is my passion.....so i fi dump a guy ...i offer friendship chances are i wouldnt have dated him in the first place if there was no passion.....ihave to witness compassion often ad caring ...a bit of selflessness and nto so much self serving...that incites passion in me regardless of kissing prowess...i can teach that quite easily and my kisses are never passionless....they are playful or steamy depending.....i would do it face to face everyone dessrves that even two weeks and be kind..........deb 1
J21 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Just be honest without going into specific details. He's prob gonna have questions, so be prepared to blunt those. "I think you're a great guy, but I don't feel that magical spark" 3 weeks in, I don't think he'll be too hurt. Huge no to friend zoning him. Its just cruel, he likes ya but u dont feel the same, so let him go instead of lingering at the what ifs 3
Author sillybint Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 How old are you? I'm just curious? Maybe guys like him aren't your thing. I'm 28, he's 25.
GravityMan Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 If text has been the primary means of communication, and since you've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, then sure it's fine. Much better to pick up the phone though. Text can seem harsh and he will likely have questions. Don't go too deeply into the reasons. Don't say things that he could have an answer to (eg. "there's no passion in your kisses" he will respond "I'll put more passion in"). Instead, say things such as "I don't feel that we are a good romantic match" or "I don't feel we would work out in the long term". Don't friend-zone the poor guy! If you don't want see him romantically then just say that. If he brings up being friends then sure you can go along with it, but don't bring it up yourself. Guys hate that. Agreed with this advice for the most part. OP, the idea here is to end it in a way that mentally brings closure for both him and you. Easier for both of you to have a clean break from each other...and BOTH of you can quickly put this behind you, move on with your lives and date other people. Don't say anything that could make him think "what if...". This guy is 25 so hopefully he has a decent amount of dating/r-ship experience already. That may make matters a bit easier as he may be accustomed to women letting him down gently. Emphasis on the word "may".
Author sillybint Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Well, I've text him asking when is best to call him. I'm guessing he'll know beforehand what I'm going to say, so I hope that will prepare him for the let down. I'm so nervous, I feel sick. I've never done this before and really don't want to be mean to him, or for him to hate me. I really like him
deathandtaxes Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 DO NOT OFFER TO BE HIS FRIEND. Is that clear enough? Don't do it. It's the most clichéd bs thing a lady can do and you're going to perpetuate it. It's not an honest offer and it will never work out. Just say you don't think you two are a match and wish him on his way. He'll get over you soon enough. 1
littleplanet Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I started dating a guy recently (just over 3 weeks) and it seems as though he sees it going quite far - talking about introducing me to all his mates, his aunt... He's such a sweet guy, and we get on like a house on fire - and I respect him so much, he's been a real gentleman. BUT there's no sexual chemistry there for me. We've kissed a few times, but there's no 'passion' or anything from my part. How do I let him down gently? We text occasionally, but we have to arrange to meet up for dates. How can I tell him I want to be his friend? Can I do it over text? Ordinarily, I'd say absolute no to breaking up with someone, but we're not 'in a relationship', we're just dating (and of course, haven't slept together or anything) so is it okay to do it via text without coming off like a heartless cow? Any advice? Thanks He's a sweet guy and you get along like a house on fire? Then do both of yooze a favor and find out (preferrably in person) how amenable he is to platonic friendship. Yeah,he jumped the gun and wanted to introduce you to his all and sundry..... but lord....3 weeks? Has he had time to fall madly and deeply? (I'm guessing not.) He's 25. That is no child. Take off the kid gloves and engage in a little honest conversation. He might surprise you. If his kisses don't work for you.........might be a chance yours don't work for him as much as you might think they do. If he's a real gentleman he might be disinclined to be brutally truthful about that little detail. Nothing to lose by finding out. You might even teach him a thing or two about how important chemistry actually is. Not a bad thing to do for someone you respect. 1
you_can_not_see_me Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I started dating a guy recently (just over 3 weeks) and it seems as though he sees it going quite far - talking about introducing me to all his mates, his aunt... He's such a sweet guy, and we get on like a house on fire - and I respect him so much, he's been a real gentleman. BUT there's no sexual chemistry there for me. We've kissed a few times, but there's no 'passion' or anything from my part. How do I let him down gently? We text occasionally, but we have to arrange to meet up for dates. How can I tell him I want to be his friend? Can I do it over text? Ordinarily, I'd say absolute no to breaking up with someone, but we're not 'in a relationship', we're just dating (and of course, haven't slept together or anything) so is it okay to do it via text without coming off like a heartless cow? Any advice? Thanks whatever you do be direct about it, don't leave him any room for misinterpretation. Honestly I am surprised you didn't realize you weren't into him earlier. People usually know this upon the first couple of meetings. Now there is no way avoid disappoint this dude. Good luck, hope you guys can remain friends.
you_can_not_see_me Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 If text has been the primary means of communication, and since you've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, then sure it's fine. Much better to pick up the phone though. Text can seem harsh and he will likely have questions. Don't go too deeply into the reasons. Don't say things that he could have an answer to (eg. "there's no passion in your kisses" he will respond "I'll put more passion in"). Instead, say things such as "I don't feel that we are a good romantic match" or "I don't feel we would work out in the long term". Don't friend-zone the poor guy! If you don't want see him romantically then just say that. If he brings up being friends then sure you can go along with it, but don't bring it up yourself. Guys hate that. this is very true. lol
you_can_not_see_me Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 DO NOT OFFER TO BE HIS FRIEND. Is that clear enough? Don't do it. It's the most clichéd bs thing a lady can do and you're going to perpetuate it. It's not an honest offer and it will never work out. Just say you don't think you two are a match and wish him on his way. He'll get over you soon enough. Don't worry about hurting him. yes he will be hurt, but it might actually hurt him more if you act like you are really sorry. trust him to be mature enough to handle this. he's a big boy.
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