Got it Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 if you look at what you have just written from an entirely different perspective you might have to give it a chance please with an open mind and heart and see an issue as i do all what you said is understandable, and correct for you(they are your feelings and deserve respect i can often have days whee i cannot bear to be touched......when that happens i stay in my room as i dont offend anyone by my reasons for not wanting to be touched.....I am an empath thats the reason and i dont want to feel what they feel in saying that my empathic abilities make it possible for me to make others comfortable and as all true leaders know there is no I in team or is there an I in leader leadership to me,its about what everyone around you needs including those pesky little subordinates who need that hand on their shoulder(which to me is a form of a hug or touch)..doennt have to be a volition of touch if you follow code of conduct that your heart feels to be true,arrogance in considering only how you feel,i don't feel is a good idea as a soldier i say that its not strategic doesnt put people at ease and always at attention worrying about is it ok to touch your arm to get your attention,you need a boot camp to deal with angst,indecision confusion about what is appropriate or inappripriate touching to you and to the guy at the computer what does he feel and the girl behind the type writer what does she feel , by your standards,they must be aware and you would need daily updates..... then that costs money and i s another way to take away capacity in you own company or work place, poor performance.....just saying i do understand your point when i feel like that ...I dont go out at all ...i would never consider being a leader for i have issues..... like darth vader i mean.....he isnt very nice(i feel misunderstood because he was actually a god guy in the beginning (but he failed to get a hug in the cave when he turned to the dark side he went in alone and unhugged) and darth vader to work for i have seen the series it is one of my favourites i prefer yoda than darth and yoda he didnt mind being carried around in a back pack up close and personal....yoda lives on eternally ...lol....is good my son it is..now carry me here and dont drop me... he was most respected, darth old son,he tends to throw people over the edges of reality i think that would cause a lack of trust(not approachable stand your distance at attention give me respect o ill cut your head off with my light sabre the force is with me....and i carry a bigger light sabre than you, it always comes down to size doesnt it? ...high port arms at all times.....) and low morale.......respect given though for your thoughts, i do understand distance i take it when i need it but i dont make others uncomfortable when i do,if i do i feel it pretty badly so yes i agree touch is metered by how you can feel for someone else rather than yourself, i am sure you are a manager well thought of,myself, well, i have never been a leader prefer to be ground cover for bad ones and try to help them magnify strengths they have and support good ones in building bridges and getting over stuff....i have to build bridge of my own to help me get over stuff so i am becoming adept at that, i dont change my stance on touch in the workplace...it sticks true to me like clag........deb ps i also feel and theroize completely...... that if simple touches were more common place and public there would be less sexual harassment in the work place as people wouldn't feel the need to grope another and be aggressive when touch is used in a gentle and reenforcing manner maintaining a distance that is comfortble to me, rather than a lecherous manner ip close and personal...and when guys dont feel they are thought of as beneath another to reach out and touch inclduing females we are not glass ornaments on pedastals we as women are more than soldeirs if we so choose to be,..........if i touch guys arms or shake hands or give affirmation a nd smiles ....they dont grope me, they just relax and become less touchy ...thats fact......as a leader the last place you should stand is on a pedastal unable to reach otu and touch someone because then no one is going to soften teh eventual fall fro you ...they watch you eat dust and say yeah sorry you deserved that..no one is beneath another we were given touch for reason...th eonly person perfect enopugh not to touch anypone was jesus should hsi hands be dirited...i beleive he hugged lepers now thats a leader and he held them close to his body full frontal style go tblood all over himself probably on many occasion and nto once did he worry about aids.........we are not jesus though but considring how many people follow him ill go with that crowd and say yyaaaaay touch me....when i am ready fo you to that is or ill stomp on your foot...i am not perfect and often clumsy....so sorry about that...deb Listen Dream, I am going to cut to the chase. In a standard corporate environment this is not appropriate or reasonable in daily operations and is ripe for misinterpretation and inappropriate behavior. Each party has the right to dictate if they are touched and it is completely reasonable to not expect to be hugged in the work place. Hugging my subordinates does not help with morale. Making sure they have a good work/life balance, acknowledge for their contributions in a financial, verbal, and promotable ways, and developing them to be successful in the manners in which they considered successful is. My job is to develop others, keep the company out of legal issues, and contribute to making it profitable. My job is not to have kumbaha moments and hug fests. 2
Got it Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 i ps i also feel and theroize completely...... that if simple touches were more common place and public there would be less sexual harassment in the work place as people wouldn't feel the need to grope another and be aggressive when touch is used in a gentle and reenforcing manner maintaining a distance that is comfortble to me, rather than a lecherous manner ip close and personal...and when guys dont feel they are thought of as beneath another to reach out and touch inclduing females we are not glass ornaments on pedastals we as women are more than soldeirs if we so choose to be,..........if i touch guys arms or shake hands or give affirmation a nd smiles ....they dont grope me, they just relax and become less touchy ...thats fact......as a leader the last place you should stand is on a pedastal unable to reach otu and touch someone because then no one is going to soften teh eventual fall fro you ...they watch you eat dust and say yeah sorry you deserved that..no one is beneath another we were given touch for reason...th eonly person perfect enopugh not to touch anypone was jesus should hsi hands be dirited...i beleive he hugged lepers now thats a leader and he held them close to his body full frontal style go tblood all over himself probably on many occasion and nto once did he worry about aids.........we are not jesus though but considring how many people follow him ill go with that crowd and say yyaaaaay touch me....when i am ready fo you to that is or ill stomp on your foot...i am not perfect and often clumsy....so sorry about that...deb And since my focus is on employment law your hypothesis is faulty in regards to more touching would lessen sexual harassment. That is definitely not the case. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 sometimes i am really easy to hug and others i am not.....most people who know me well enough know when that is because i am honest.....with male friends ill press my cheek agaisnt theirs not likely to kiss them on the cheek a partner in public i would hug and kiss his cheek.....i normally kiss sideways with females by touching cheeks so its not an air kiss because they just suck and look fake......but a cheek warm press and a side lipped kiss corner of my mouth if i get this wrong i feel awkward...so i try pretty hard not to get it wrong........if i kiss male full on the cheek and hugging him its obvious thats my partner.... i am not full on with male friends i often do the awkward back pat.....i hate making people feel uncomfortable...especially me.... when i was a child i would kiss my mum adn dad every night before bed even as a teen .......and mum would come in later and hug me.,......i once tried to hug my step father after kissing his cheek and as i bent down to hug him as he was sitiing in a lounge.....he said thats enough......i stepped back and said good night dad....feeling awkward...and gauche.......i believe in touch.....i believe in hugs.....and my girls have never had to feel the way i did as i backed away from a disinterested father who felt i should be seen and not heard...........let alone touched.....he had his reasons........and i considered becoming a nun.......deb
Author JMET Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 I am humbly amazed at the response that this forum has gotten over the past 24 hours. Hugs for myself can hold meaning but it depends on context and still with that in my humble opinion can be quite challenging based off of previous history. I will say on the record that this thread came into existence during a discussion with a friend of mine on how i should tread with another one of my relationships. I will state that in my opinion that a side hug is a "we are just friends" hug in a general context, but is also a comforting hug when the one member of the party is upset about something and is standing next to you whilst telling someone else. (Happened to me with a friend of mine I put in a previous discussion where if people would like to know the basis for that. This is what I put for that "Their startling admission to me was when their car died, their number one pick for school denied them she spent all day crying due to what happened. When she told me and my one other friend, she put her arm on my shoulder and I just grabbed her waist to give her a side hug to comfort..." So that is basis for why I think a side hug can be used for comfort as I've used it as that before. The Whole reason why I started this due to my friends and myself discussion is that when we were talking about the relationship between myself and a friend of mine to see if I should tread lightly. We spent a couple of hours and even looked it up on the internet and we could not come to a solid idea about hugs and especially the criss-cross hug I mentioned. I'll sum up here with a quick answer to why some of the questions were worded the way they did. The Reason why I asked if it could be friendly or that it might have something more is because as I was talking to a friend of mine about my relationship to this one person (which is on another thread of the site) but I'll reiterate it here in a condensed format. I last saw my friend about a month ago, and before that she would punch me once in my left arm every week for few weeks but for the last two times she would call me a few minutes before a stalker (jokingly). The last time saw them (they were in my spanish class) When I got home, we talked for a few minutes and then she gave me criss-cross hug that lasted about 3 seconds (and I was the one whom gave a little squeeze) as if she was about to leave but we spent the next 20 minutes just talking, as she started talking about another topic. So from what I have described above and the just curious what others think about the criss-cross hug or any other hugs. That is why I started this post, and I am glad to see some answering my questions and in total just having a freewheeling symposium on the discussion of hugs. I will catch up with the other posts here later today as I have time to. Again I appreciate all the replies and opinions that gathered here in the past 24 hours. I am looking forward to what else is posted! Comments from a quick look though the thread: This is beginning to sound like a class assignment. I am truly sorry for that, its a force of habit for me since I grew up with a parent a teacher, it sticks to you.
Frank2thepoint Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Oh goodie, a hug thread. I'm a man and obviously I am way too enthusiastic. I've given and received the criss-cross hug from both men and women. I hug close friends and close co-workers (who I consider friends anyway) I have not seen in a while, such as a few months or more. Most male friends it's usually just the bro hug (not criss-cross hug). With the few tall female friends, I can't do a criss-cross hug, so my arm goes underneath their arm. The hugs are quick and friendly. Q1: What do you think when in the hug the opposite puts pressure on you to get closer. Q2: Do you think this hug is friendly or romantic. Q3: Do you think if friends give this hug that they want more in the relationship or do is it just caring hug Q4: What do think means when it's intinated by a male. Q5: What do think means when it's intinated by a female. A1: A woman I am interested in (crush or girlfriend) I squeeze or pull in real close. I even hold the hug for a while longer. Often times I maneuver a kiss on her cheek as we are about to hug and/or during the hug. If the woman pulls me in closer, she is reciprocating the feelings. A2: Criss-cross hug is both friendly and romantic, depending on the context of course. See above for my examples. A3: I automatically assume when I am hugging a female friend, it is strictly friendly. Well it is for me, unless it is a woman I am interested in; read A1. A4: I often initiate hugs, because I am a friendly guy. So speaking for myself, it's just being friendly. If I am interested in the woman, read A1. A5: I assume she is being friendly, just wants a hug. To supplement Q5/A5, unless the woman provides clear indicators she is interested in the man she is hugging, there is no way a man will know if the woman he is hugging is interested in him. Hence why I assume most hugs are friendly. 2
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I was having a discussion with one of the my friends about hugs and I am wondering what you think about these this kind specific type of hug when the opposite sex hug. As you know there are many types of hugs that one can experience. The one we are looking at is the criss-crosshug. For those who don't know what I am talking about, a criss-cross hug is defined when one arm goes up and the other goes down to create an "x" with your arms and hers. With that type of hug, one hand rests on the waist and the other goes up around the neck or shoulder. My following questions for you to see what you think, as my friend and myself can't agree on it nor find a specific answer on the net. Feel free to add anything extra Q1: What do you think when in the hug the opposite puts pressure on you to get closer. Q2: Do you think this hug is friendly or romantic. Q3: Do you think if friends give this hug that they want more in the relationship or do is it just caring hug Q4: What do think means when it's intinated by a male. Q5: What do think means when it's intinated by a female. Feel free to add anything else, even alternate hugs. We both appreciate your answer and we hope to come to some form of an agreement. Most of the time a hug is just a hug. 1
Author JMET Posted June 15, 2014 Author Posted June 15, 2014 All great posts y'all! Since there are people who are curious about hugs, I thought we should continue the chat if we are up to it. This time what do you think about the heart-to-heart hug. When chests touch while both people hug each other's shoulders, it's considered a heart-to-heart hug. It's definitely a sign that there's more where that came from. Now, what do you think. Personally for me, a heart to heart hug is a fantastic hug. It's a hug that is not only intimate but shows that you care for the person.
alwayshere Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 I pretty much only give side hugs except to family or a romantic partner. Comfort in grief would be an exception. Part of that is because of my "thou shalt beware of lust at all times" upbringing.
todreaminblue Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 (edited) I am more likely to hug a woman front on because my boobs are not offensive to them,guys well, i can make guys uncomfortable the right kind of guys,i go by what i sense from them, if i like a guy its a sideish hug i dont know if this is offensive or not, maybe selfish on my part...yeah it is......., i want to feel the skin of their cheek where heat goes normally when i hug a guy they ae probably thinking dont put your boobies on me ,so ill rest my cheek on theirs, i have soft cheeks and i think it isnt too forward of me..and when i meet a warm cheek i feel it is soemthing of an interest back,..so thats what i do....is it forward???....whatever it is it is pleasurable for me....and actually the start of intimacy or me showing interest in a guy i feel to be un invasive and warm so its what i do when i hug guys its friendship to me ...and if i feel attracted then i am the one who knows that ...and ill pursue.......maybe im wrong....but it is very nice and if it porgresses ill kiss their cheek with lips in public if we are dating.... .......deb Edited June 15, 2014 by todreaminblue
xxmusical Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 All great posts y'all! Since there are people who are curious about hugs, I thought we should continue the chat if we are up to it. This time what do you think about the heart-to-heart hug. When chests touch while both people hug each other's shoulders, it's considered a heart-to-heart hug. It's definitely a sign that there's more where that came from. Now, what do you think. Personally for me, a heart to heart hug is a fantastic hug. It's a hug that is not only intimate but shows that you care for the person. I am absolutely awkward with hugs, even with my closest friends. My most intimate hugs are saved for my SO just because I feel comfortable enough with him Hugs for girls are ok for me, depending on the friendship with the person, although I still feel weird being too close (I guess I'm a person who needs my space). As for guys, hugs are definitely awkward. I'll be all self-conscious about touching too much of the other person with my body, so it's usually just one-hand hugs, where his hand is on my shoulder and my hand is on his back. Uhh if the other person (a guy) "puts pressure" on the hug, I'll probably push away haha.
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