JMET Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I was having a discussion with one of the my friends about hugs and I am wondering what you think about these this kind specific type of hug when the opposite sex hug. As you know there are many types of hugs that one can experience. The one we are looking at is the criss-crosshug. For those who don't know what I am talking about, a criss-cross hug is defined when one arm goes up and the other goes down to create an "x" with your arms and hers. With that type of hug, one hand rests on the waist and the other goes up around the neck or shoulder. My following questions for you to see what you think, as my friend and myself can't agree on it nor find a specific answer on the net. Feel free to add anything extra Q1: What do you think when in the hug the opposite puts pressure on you to get closer. Q2: Do you think this hug is friendly or romantic. Q3: Do you think if friends give this hug that they want more in the relationship or do is it just caring hug Q4: What do think means when it's intinated by a male. Q5: What do think means when it's intinated by a female. Feel free to add anything else, even alternate hugs. We both appreciate your answer and we hope to come to some form of an agreement.
todreaminblue Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 i adore this topic...... head hugs.....a playful head hug normally intitiated by a guy who is taller.....or the female is sitting down sometimes done with the chin ...i still call it a head hug......they rest their chin on your head and its playful and an acknowledgement of firm friendship. the eye hug......a guy comes up behidn you adn puts his hands over yru eyes and you say hello such and such they go how did you know its me....you just smile...again playful banter the woman under the armpit hug...not fond of this one they know it so they tease me with it soldiers are fodn fo this after sweating for a couple of hours the mutual waist hug ...close intimate for partners the hand hug...holding hands.... finger hugs same thing....... leg hugs entwinign legs .....intimate couple thing full frontal body hug...kissing alert.. g rated ....woman with army boots on in public guy without shoes on...ok kidding...maybe not...slippers when not in public quick lip hug....a chaste but warm slightly parted open mouth kiss.....g rated .....people go awwwwww.....smilin......so kewt...penguins do it with pebbles a back hug or neck hug done by intimate partners only or i get ready to kick ass.not really more like boots on thing and backwards step march.....oops sorry did that hurt......so sorry .dont hug me like that i am a multiple....alert alert
Got it Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I really can't comment on all the questions. In general I do the one arm hug except for my husband or the rare occasion someone needs a deeper hug. I am not a big one for touching so I tend to be very limited (I see no issues with the hand shake and wish it was more common place for women ). For friends, it is the one arm hug, male and female. I hug family members this way as well. I do not hug in work settings and I definitely do not hug men in work settings. Hugging is far too familiar and I think makes the recipient seem to be at a lower level (in a work setting). A hand shake is more professional and formal/respectful. Just my two cents. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) I really can't comment on all the questions. In general I do the one arm hug except for my husband or the rare occasion someone needs a deeper hug. I am not a big one for touching so I tend to be very limited (I see no issues with the hand shake and wish it was more common place for women ). For friends, it is the one arm hug, male and female. I hug family members this way as well. I do not hug in work settings and I definitely do not hug men in work settings. Hugging is far too familiar and I think makes the recipient seem to be at a lower level (in a work setting). A hand shake is more professional and formal/respectful. Just my two cents. i have hugged in work settings and often public hugs are not a show of intimacy unless its really close but more a show of playfulness.....touch is a wonderful thing......peopelshoudl use it more and leave it be innocent as much in public more not less.....i have two examples one that was fro me one was another i witnessed between a man in charge and a guy sitting down..... i got a cheek hug in public surrounded by people who didnt even notice.......or maybe on some unconscious level they might like i notice things....but.... anyway ill explain....i was sitting down lost in some dark thoughts and they were blinding.......a little boy called (insert debs favorite name here) who has down syndrome and extremely loving affectionate parents who touch each other in public........ and touch and hug kids too...... cam eup[ and rested his warm hand on my cold cheek...thats a cheek hug and i adore them second said father of boy(insert fave name here) put his hand on a guy sitting down on a seat adn smiled this warm open smile.......that isa shoulder hug given by a man to someone who needed a hug another man it was appropriate and thoughtful..........the man was enlightened and sensitive enough to know that but thats men with faith for ya can be a man and use touch to support not be intimate support................it was a show of support ...hugs are supportive often and if you take your perception somewhere wrong about pda at work ro elsewhere........whose fault is that then kids dont see beauty in touch...why do i see beauty in touch ...because adults tried to sully me about touch and hugs from a young age...i have been pushed away and held too close all at the same periods of growth as achild..... where i should have been left to see beauty and tocuhed more often in ana apprpriate manner and never pushed away...you teach appropriate an dinappropriate by doing it not telling it............didnt work on many levels with me ...as a multiple.....it ddint work for me to be given fractures of perception.... and on some it obviously affected me that a wioudl stand up that i should feel like defending something so special.....there are appropriate ways to touch people hugs should be everywhere and they are if you can actually look deeper and not see just arms and inappropriateness..hug a child ...you wont regret it , klet that child see you hug as many as you can in many different ways doesnt have to be all in....touches can be hugs an arm a hand an eye playful interaction is actually a way to build morale in the work place and in other places including the family home..........bucket to retch in is by the door if needed,............deb Edited June 11, 2014 by todreaminblue
Got it Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 i have hugged in work settings and often public hugs are not a show of intimacy unless its really close but more a show of playfulness.....touch is a wonderful thing......peopelshoudl use it more and leave it be innocent as much in public more not less.....i have two examples one that was fro me one was another i witnessed between a man in charge and a guy sitting down..... i got a cheek hug in public surrounded by people who didnt even notice.......or maybe on some unconscious level they might like i notice things....but.... anyway ill explain....i was sitting down lost in some dark thoughts and they were blinding.......a little boy called (insert debs favorite name here) who has down syndrome and extremely loving affectionate parents who touch each other in public........ and touch and hug kids too...... cam eup[ and rested his warm hand on my cold cheek...thats a cheek hug and i adore them second said father of boy(insert fave name here) put his hand on a guy sitting down on a seat adn smiled this warm open smile.......that isa shoulder hug given by a man to someone who needed a hug another man it was appropriate and thoughtful..........the man was enlightened and sensitive enough to know that but thats men with faith for ya can be a man and use touch to support not be intimate support................it was a show of support ...hugs are supportive often and if you take your perception somewhere wrong about pda at work ro elsewhere........whose fault is that then kids dont see beauty in touch...why do i see beauty in touch ...because adults tried to sully me about touch and hugs from a young age...i have been pushed away and held too close all at the same periods of growth as achild..... where i should have been left to see beauty and tocuhed more often in ana apprpriate manner and never pushed away...you teach appropriate an dinappropriate by doing it not telling it............didnt work on many levels with me ...as a multiple.....it ddint work for me to be given fractures of perception.... and on some it obviously affected me that a wioudl stand up that i should feel like defending something so special.....there are appropriate ways to touch people hugs should be everywhere and they are if you can actually look deeper and not see just arms and inappropriateness..hug a child ...you wont regret it , klet that child see you hug as many as you can in many different ways doesnt have to be all in....touches can be hugs an arm a hand an eye playful interaction is actually a way to build morale in the work place and in other places including the family home..........bucket to retch in is by the door if needed,............deb Sorry but as an executive it is not appropriate for me to hug, I don't believe. I also see men are far more apt to hug women in such settings but not men. I think this gives the wrong message of position and respect. I feel that work settings should stay professional and the handshake is appropriate. This is going to vary based on work settings but at my level and in a company our size and in my position, I don't feel it is appropriate or comfortable for me. I am a big fan of personal space and do not get into other people's and I do not want someone in mine. And the hug is definitely in one's personal space. It also doesn't allow the other party to negate the hug offer without a very uncomfortable exchange of "going in for the hug met with the thrust out hand". My nickname is along the lines of "Darth Vadar" so not a touchy feely persona. It is going to be a very personal decision but I don't appreciate those more comfortable with personal touch assuming others are as well. I am not and I don't see that as an issue.
Got it Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Better than drugs? *shrug* TFY Say what??? I am missing that if someone wrote it. Isn't that like comparing apples and oranges? Frankly I would like to avoid both especially in most social settings.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Some people are just huggy types. I don't tend to read much into hugs. If a man tries to press his whole front against mine . . . that's generally more contact than I want but a full criss-cross hug as you describe it can be very comforting under the right circumstances. It's not always just sexual. When the pelvis gets involved its more than just friendly.
todreaminblue Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) Sorry but as an executive it is not appropriate for me to hug, I don't believe. I also see men are far more apt to hug women in such settings but not men. I think this gives the wrong message of position and respect. I feel that work settings should stay professional and the handshake is appropriate. This is going to vary based on work settings but at my level and in a company our size and in my position, I don't feel it is appropriate or comfortable for me. I am a big fan of personal space and do not get into other people's and I do not want someone in mine. And the hug is definitely in one's personal space. It also doesn't allow the other party to negate the hug offer without a very uncomfortable exchange of "going in for the hug met with the thrust out hand". My nickname is along the lines of "Darth Vadar" so not a touchy feely persona. It is going to be a very personal decision but I don't appreciate those more comfortable with personal touch assuming others are as well. I am not and I don't see that as an issue. if you look at what you have just written from an entirely different perspective you might have to give it a chance please with an open mind and heart and see an issue as i do all what you said is understandable, and correct for you(they are your feelings and deserve respect i can often have days whee i cannot bear to be touched......when that happens i stay in my room as i dont offend anyone by my reasons for not wanting to be touched.....I am an empath thats the reason and i dont want to feel what they feel in saying that my empathic abilities make it possible for me to make others comfortable and as all true leaders know there is no I in team or is there an I in leader leadership to me,its about what everyone around you needs including those pesky little subordinates who need that hand on their shoulder(which to me is a form of a hug or touch)..doennt have to be a volition of touch if you follow code of conduct that your heart feels to be true,arrogance in considering only how you feel,i don't feel is a good idea as a soldier i say that its not strategic doesnt put people at ease and always at attention worrying about is it ok to touch your arm to get your attention,you need a boot camp to deal with angst,indecision confusion about what is appropriate or inappripriate touching to you and to the guy at the computer what does he feel and the girl behind the type writer what does she feel , by your standards,they must be aware and you would need daily updates..... then that costs money and i s another way to take away capacity in you own company or work place, poor performance.....just saying i do understand your point when i feel like that ...I dont go out at all ...i would never consider being a leader for i have issues..... like darth vader i mean.....he isnt very nice(i feel misunderstood because he was actually a god guy in the beginning (but he failed to get a hug in the cave when he turned to the dark side he went in alone and unhugged) and darth vader to work for i have seen the series it is one of my favourites i prefer yoda than darth and yoda he didnt mind being carried around in a back pack up close and personal....yoda lives on eternally ...lol....is good my son it is..now carry me here and dont drop me... he was most respected, darth old son,he tends to throw people over the edges of reality i think that would cause a lack of trust(not approachable stand your distance at attention give me respect o ill cut your head off with my light sabre the force is with me....and i carry a bigger light sabre than you, it always comes down to size doesnt it? ...high port arms at all times.....) and low morale.......respect given though for your thoughts, i do understand distance i take it when i need it but i dont make others uncomfortable when i do,if i do i feel it pretty badly so yes i agree touch is metered by how you can feel for someone else rather than yourself, i am sure you are a manager well thought of,myself, well, i have never been a leader prefer to be ground cover for bad ones and try to help them magnify strengths they have and support good ones in building bridges and getting over stuff....i have to build bridge of my own to help me get over stuff so i am becoming adept at that, i dont change my stance on touch in the workplace...it sticks true to me like clag........deb ps i also feel and theroize completely...... that if simple touches were more common place and public there would be less sexual harassment in the work place as people wouldn't feel the need to grope another and be aggressive when touch is used in a gentle and reenforcing manner maintaining a distance that is comfortble to me, rather than a lecherous manner ip close and personal...and when guys dont feel they are thought of as beneath another to reach out and touch inclduing females we are not glass ornaments on pedastals we as women are more than soldeirs if we so choose to be,..........if i touch guys arms or shake hands or give affirmation a nd smiles ....they dont grope me, they just relax and become less touchy ...thats fact......as a leader the last place you should stand is on a pedastal unable to reach otu and touch someone because then no one is going to soften teh eventual fall fro you ...they watch you eat dust and say yeah sorry you deserved that..no one is beneath another we were given touch for reason...th eonly person perfect enopugh not to touch anypone was jesus should hsi hands be dirited...i beleive he hugged lepers now thats a leader and he held them close to his body full frontal style go tblood all over himself probably on many occasion and nto once did he worry about aids.........we are not jesus though but considring how many people follow him ill go with that crowd and say yyaaaaay touch me....when i am ready fo you to that is or ill stomp on your foot...i am not perfect and often clumsy....so sorry about that...deb Edited June 11, 2014 by todreaminblue
dichotomy Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I think arm on the waist is intimate. The only hugs I do with females who are not my wife are the "little bend at the waist towards them" both arms on the upper back - quickly. No lower body contact... by hand.. or body. 2
Haydn Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hugs are great. Especially between us hetro boys. A big pat on the back. ` `We`ll have a few more beers sort it out somehow` 1
pteromom Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Q1: What do you think when in the hug the opposite puts pressure on you to get closer. Depends on the person. Some guys do that just to press up against breasts. Some do it because they just want to be closer to you. They could just be close huggers as well. Q2: Do you think this hug is friendly or romantic. Could be either. Q3: Do you think if friends give this hug that they want more in the relationship or do is it just caring hug Could be either. Q4: What do think means when it's intinated by a male. Q5: What do think means when it's intinated by a female. It really depends. Some cultures and families and people are very into hugging, and some aren't. Someone could not hug you at all and have very deep feelings for you, and someone could scoop you up in a giant bear hug and not have any type of meaning behind it other than they like hugging. The only kind of hug that surely shows more than interest in friendship is when they press their pelvis against yours. But you still don't know whether they are interested in you, or just a perv. 1
ASG Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hugs are so common place in the UK I stopped thinking about them completely. I never think about them at all and don't read anything into them... 1
dichotomy Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Hugs are great. Especially between us hetro boys. A big pat on the back. ` `We`ll have a few more beers sort it out somehow` actually for my Bro's, there is a bit closer body contact, kind of a puffed up chest bump - big hard slap on the back... kind of replaced the punch in the arm from my old child hood days. 1
sillyanswer Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Q1: What do you think when in the hug the opposite puts pressure on you to get closer. Assuming that I'm a willing partner in entering this hug then the other person will already be someone I'm predisposed to liking - they're already either a friend or someone I find attractive. So, I welcome more hugging. Q2: Do you think this hug is friendly or romantic. Yes. Q3: Do you think if friends give this hug that they want more in the relationship or do is it just caring hug Impossible to tell. I have caring friends, some of whom like to hug. Q4: What do think means when it's intinated by a male. This is beginning to sound like a class assignment. I like hugs. 1
Targetlock Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 hugs are great, I usually hug friends and family but I usually do initiate the hugging. I also as a care worker hug my residents as well i'm a caring person i guess. 3
FrostBlaze Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 If you could answer this in some detail that would be great. Sitting on a bench, facing each other, she rests her head(chin) on top of yours while hugging. Meaning? Friend/more, etc. Or in general, if someone rests their head over yours. Both up, hugging, crossed arms, squeezing, her head into your chest or over shoulder. I really need to know, thank you what you think about it or if you do it what's it mean for you.(LS users in general, adressed to u all).
JDPT Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I think a hug is a hug. I really don't think much of it. lol 1
FrostBlaze Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 No a hug isn't just a hug, depends on the hug, most of it is just instinctual and has meaning. People do a lot of things out of instinct without they themselves knowing what it means. For instance, stroking your loved ones hand with your thumb while holding hands, etc. Depending on the hug, it can mean "we are just friend, i trust you, feel secure around you". Bodeh language.
Trimmer Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) Hugs are great. Especially between us hetro boys. A big pat on the back. ` `We`ll have a few more beers sort it out somehow` Ha ha.... The classic "bro hug" - you have to go "slap slap slap" on the back. My theory is that this says "even though we're hugging, we could still hurt each other if we chose...". Kinda makes it safe ground, you know? No a hug isn't just a hug, depends on the hug, most of it is just instinctual and has meaning. People do a lot of things out of instinct without they themselves knowing what it means. For instance, stroking your loved ones hand with your thumb while holding hands, etc. Depending on the hug, it can mean "we are just friend, i trust you, feel secure around you". Bodeh language. I absolutely agree, but I think that's also why we can't confidently interpret the meaning of such a hug just from a text description of the body part positions. There's so much more to it than that, which separates the different meanings and dynamics. How fast did you come together? How long did you hold? How tight? Who let go first? Was there a shift in position of any kind during the hug? Hand movement? Body repositioning? So many things maybe you can't describe in words which really factor in there. ---------- I'm a very touchy person - including hugs - but I think I am also instinctively sensitive to whether another person is receptive, because there are some people I hug relatively regularly, and others who are at equal places in my social circle who I pretty much never hug, and don't really have an inclination to (although I am equally fond of them.) One woman I recall getting an enthusiastic hug from once when she was excited about something - kind of a little shared moment of triumph - but even after that, it wasn't a "break the ice and now it's OK" type of thing - we've just pretty much gone back to not doing it, and I just sense that it's not her thing. Another woman I know, we hug regularly, every time - it's actually kinda weird if we don't - we both just want to. It's almost like each person has a certain activation energy threshold that has to be met before they will welcome a hug. It depends on how close you are as a friend, how their mood is at the moment, and their own preferences about touching, etc. I have a very low threshold, in that I will welcome an "incoming" pretty easily, but I feel like I'm sensitive to others around me who have higher thresholds, and I don't try to force anything on them. Edited June 12, 2014 by Trimmer 1
Emilia Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I like hugs, sometimes they are more intimate than a peck on the lips. Those criss-cross hugs I used to have with an ex, we would both squeeze the other for a second or two and let go. It was when times were difficult for him and we wouldn't really discuss it just have a tight hug at the end of the conversation. I'd say if there is a squeeze, it's intimate. 3
Els Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Uh, wow. That's a LOT of analysis for hugs, OP... In general the main difference between my hugs with the SO and anyone else, is that we linger longer, press our bodies against each other... and his hands usually wander down to my butt. Hugs with friends, family etc are more of just throwing our arms around each other and patting each others backs. 3
regine_phalange Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I was having a discussion with one of the my friends about hugs and I am wondering what you think about these this kind specific type of hug when the opposite sex hug. As you know there are many types of hugs that one can experience. The one we are looking at is the criss-crosshug. For those who don't know what I am talking about, a criss-cross hug is defined when one arm goes up and the other goes down to create an "x" with your arms and hers. With that type of hug, one hand rests on the waist and the other goes up around the neck or shoulder. My following questions for you to see what you think, as my friend and myself can't agree on it nor find a specific answer on the net. Feel free to add anything extra Q1: What do you think when in the hug the opposite puts pressure on you to get closer. Q2: Do you think this hug is friendly or romantic. Q3: Do you think if friends give this hug that they want more in the relationship or do is it just caring hug Q4: What do think means when it's intinated by a male. Q5: What do think means when it's intinated by a female. Feel free to add anything else, even alternate hugs. We both appreciate your answer and we hope to come to some form of an agreement. I never had a criss cross hug I think. I have only one male friend that I hug when I see him. A1: We do squeeze each other, but not romantically. It's because I see him very rarely since we live in different cities. A2: My friend never touches my waist, he keeps his hands on my upper back. I think when a man touches a woman's waist is interested in her more than friends/physically, because it's quite sexy. So, if you touch a female friend there, you probably are interested in her romantically. A3: It's a cue that they harbor some feelings you don't know about. A4: That he wants the woman A5: I'm not sure
No Limit Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 I don't know what it is but I really am no hugger at all. My friend even began to "train" me to hug but it's always been awkward to me. I guess I'm more the pat-dat-shoulder-type.
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 If you could answer this in some detail that would be great. Sitting on a bench, facing each other, she rests her head(chin) on top of yours while hugging. Meaning? Friend/more, etc. Or in general, if someone rests their head over yours. Both up, hugging, crossed arms, squeezing, her head into your chest or over shoulder. I really need to know, thank you what you think about it or if you do it what's it mean for you.(LS users in general, adressed to u all). head hugs are fairly intimate.......especially if the person giving it says mmmm your hair smells so good........ close family partner type of hug it feels a little awkward when it isnt................its all i guess in what you say while hugging as well..you could make it playful saying your head is cone shaped you know...thats more playful...hopefully a tease and not true but playful..deb
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