Getting over past mistakes of sleeping with the wrong person? :(

[what_a_blonde]

It's been a really long time since I've posted here so bare with me if my story is vague. (Just not wanting to repeat whole thing but u can look in my past threads to see)

 

The last time this guy and I were intimate was Nov 2013. I decided to put an end to it bc I found out he didn't want to be exclusive, and suddenly it was "2 friends just having fun" in his eyes, when prior to all of it he had pretty much professed his love to me after almost 2 years of friendship. I had made it clear to him I'm not looking to mess around with just anyone, he acted like he understood, then I find out (after a few months) he is now signed up on a dating website.

 

In Jan 2014 I told him to stop contacting me. I was tired of him saying he respected me, and that we were friends, yet the only time I would hear from him was after midnight or some weekdays late in the evening.

 

It's been months, so why do I still feel pain when I think back to being intimate with him? When will this go away?

 

The pain isn't from me missing him bc what I've been through bc of him has caused me enough emotional distress that even the thought of ever being with him upsets me. I think the majority if the pain is disappointment in myself for letting it ever get physical. (Also, I have a dime sized carpet burn scar on my left knee from our last encounter... I just wish it could disappear. I think about him and my mistake every time I see it.)

 

I read him wrong. I thought he was a good guy and someone I could trust. Now I just beat myself up for feeling easy and like I was used. While he carries on acting as though he did nothing wrong. He never once acknowledged that he led me on. Then when I finally told him it was best that he doesn't contact me anymore, all he says us "understood, number erased". And that's "all she wrote".

 

Any idea on how I can learn to forgive myself and start seeing myself in a more positive light?

Edited June 11, 2014 by what_a_blonde

[Arieswoman]

what_a_blonde,

You made a mistake but that doesn't make you a bad person, so stop beating yourself up over this.

 

Have you learned anything from this? Good. Now move on and try not to dwell on it.

 

Sometimes we need to make mistakes so we can learn how to do things better.

 

Good Luck.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

There really are some people you wish you could just unf**k. Sadly, I know this feeling all too well and am going through a bit of it myself. It's that cringy, 'How did I not see that one coming!?' feeling of moderate anger mixed with rejection.

 

It's always the hardest when you fully realize the implications. That there was no misunderstanding on your part nor miscommunication on his...that he straight up used you and tried to play you for a fool. Made all the worse because you thought you knew him, as a person. Ah, such is life.

 

It goes away eventually, though not quickly enough...unfortunately. It does being to dull within a reasonable amount of time however. The best thing you can do for yourself now is accept that what's done is done, understand that this man was at best, an indecisive douchebag and at worst, a skillful manipulator with no morals. Use this as a learning experience and treat it as a guide for red flags to spot from now on so hopefully in the future this won't happen again.

[what_a_blonde]

There really are some people you wish you could just unf**k. Sadly, I know this feeling all too well and am going through a bit of it myself. It's that cringy, 'How did I not see that one coming!?' feeling of moderate anger mixed with rejection.

 

It's always the hardest when you fully realize the implications. That there was no misunderstanding on your part nor miscommunication on his...that he straight up used you and tried to play you for a fool. Made all the worse because you thought you knew him, as a person. Ah, such is life.

 

It goes away eventually, though not quickly enough...unfortunately. It does being to dull within a reasonable amount of time however. The best thing you can do for yourself now is accept that what's done is done, understand that this man was at best, an indecisive douchebag and at worst, a skillful manipulator with no morals. Use this as a learning experience and treat it as a guide for red flags to spot from now on so hopefully in the future this won't happen again.

 

Lol that's very well said, I DO wish I could "unf***" him! I'm really hoping it will begin to fade like you mention.

 

I wonder what a reasonable time is for that? It's been 8 months since we were last intimate. About 5 since I last told him to stop contacting me.

 

I feel that by now I should be able to forget about it and forgive myself... And not feel hurt when finding out that coworkers spotted him and another cute coworker at the bar together.

 

It's such a ridiculous and annoying feeling. I'm mad at myself for allowing it to happen, feeling somewhat less valuable because of how he used me (therefore resentful toward him and wishing I never had anything to do with him or allowed him the time if day), yet when I think of him with other women I get that weird crappy feeling of sadness.

 

Almost like jealousy... However I would never want to be with him again after this do that's why I don't understand these emotions.

[d0nnivain]

Try to find something positive you learned from the experience: whether it's how to identify inappropriate guys or a new sex trick. Use that as your take-away from the experience & move forward.