snappytomcat Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I know,i know,and when I give advice on here,i always say,you need to stop looking at the bs/mm/ow/om social media,its not good for your healing,and now if feel like a hypocrite. thing is I was not triggered at all,ive been laid up for a few days,and I have been extremely bored,and curiosity,got the best of me. I went on xow,fb page,and felt nothing not hate,not sadness,not anger,just absolutely nothing,the only thing that went through my head was gawd she is a very unattractive woman,and really who cares?i don't not my problem. I told my husband,and he was freaked out it would trigger me,but nope wow ive come a long way on this journey. I did re-block her,and will never go to her fb page again,even though it didn't trigger me,its still not healthy. ok,that was just a vent,as I was feeling disappointed in myself
jackslife Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Don't beat yourself up. Of course you will do things you said you didn't want to, the road is up and down with lots of twists and turns. It is not straight and you'll never know when you take a detour. 2
tornapart2002 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I can soooo relate! Ugh! I'll do OK for awhile and then I'm trolling her pages again and feeling like crap about myself for doing it. So twice in the last month I have seen one clear reference to my husband -- who wants nothing to do with her and has been amazing for the past few months and I mean amazing as a husband -- and one possible reference. And I find myself reading into all her posts and wondering if she is going to break contact. Then I get all nerved up and feel sick to my stomach and watch my husband suspiciously. I just want that paranoid feeling to go away. Her reference to him before was wearing his hat (aaaaarrrgh!) and saying how much she misses this guy and hopes he knows it. Guess what..he doesn't care because he has her blocked and told me he has no interest in seeing anything she posts. His life is void of her drama and he seems so much happier now. Yesterday she posted something about this guy she thinks of all the time and how she misses him and hopes to see him soon. So here I am freaking about it being my husband but she lives 3,000 miles away now! I would certainly know if my husband is meeting up with her because he'd have to be gone for several days so obviously my thoughts are completely irrational. But this is what happens when we troll pages and get paranoid. I guess it is almost a right of passage though or something...stuff we have to go through through this process. And it sucks. I do get more desensitized to her drama (and oh my word! Everything is a crisis for her andshe makes sure it is allllll public so everyone knows! Like when her husband left her for another woman and the drama there and etc. etc.) but I know cutting off this curiosity and paranoia is a huge necessary step in my recovery. It's like I'm afraid to take it because it cuts a sense of security out from under me -- plunges me back into "not knowing" and being in the dark like I was during the affair. 2
excusememister Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I was feeling disappointed in myself No need to feel disappointed. Everything associated with infidelity sucks! It is such a crappy situation. The beauty is, you didn't trigger; you felt nothing; no anger, no hate, no sadness, etc. I can't wait to get to where you are. I still feel loads of anger and hatred So, don't sweat it - chalk it up to part of the infidelity healing process - which by the way, it sounds as if you are making fantastic process. I read your thread from a while back where you had a phone conversation with OW - you go girl!! - you are my hero You mention that you've been laid up for a few days... I hope it's nothing serious - take care of yourself!! 3
Author snappytomcat Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 thank you all for your support,and kind words 1
Spark1111 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I think it's completely normal in an effort to desensitize yourself from pain. I'm also sure she has checked my page many a time. I, too, feel she posts unblocked to ensure he or I see or read some of her stuff. Funny thing is, he is not on FB. Look, whatever it takes, however it plays out, whatever works for you....do it and don't be ashamed by it. It's normal. Reaching indifference is a Godsend. 2
PachucaSunrise Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 I know,i know,and when I give advice on here,i always say,you need to stop looking at the bs/mm/ow/om social media,its not good for your healing,and now if feel like a hypocrite. thing is I was not triggered at all,ive been laid up for a few days,and I have been extremely bored,and curiosity,got the best of me. I went on xow,fb page,and felt nothing not hate,not sadness,not anger,just absolutely nothing,the only thing that went through my head was gawd she is a very unattractive woman,and really who cares?i don't not my problem. I told my husband,and he was freaked out it would trigger me,but nope wow ive come a long way on this journey. I did re-block her,and will never go to her fb page again,even though it didn't trigger me,its still not healthy. ok,that was just a vent,as I was feeling disappointed in myself Awww, Snappy! I was wondering how you were doing! I'm glad you posted. So you hit a little bump in the road - NO BIG DEAL - it happens. However, the "nothing" you felt is a really, REALLY good sign. You should be SUPER proud of yourself!! So, you gave into the urge... BUT, in doing so, it's allowed you to fully realize just how far you've come. I think that's wonderful! Maybe checking her page wasn't such a bad thing after all? But that's it - no more un-blocking! Now you know where you stand, and you're in an awesome spot. Take the positives out of this and keep on keepin' on, girl. I'm really proud of you! PS... Hope being laid up is nothing too major and that you're feeling better ASAP! 2
Author snappytomcat Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 thanks again all,and for those that asked about my health im fine,ive had asthma since childhood,and it gets worse when I get allergies,so I just feel sluggish,cause its harder to breathe,but all better now thanks for asking
NotCamelot Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I think most of us have "gone back" for that peek, just as a reminder. I did that a few days ago myself.........my thought????? "What the Hell was she (my W) thinking. That thing can't even come close to me." Moving on.......... 2
Author snappytomcat Posted June 13, 2014 Author Posted June 13, 2014 I think most of us have "gone back" for that peek, just as a reminder. I did that a few days ago myself.........my thought????? "What the Hell was she (my W) thinking. That thing can't even come close to me." Moving on.......... lol I used to call the xow the thing too 1
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