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Did I overreact?

dolceamourr

By dolceamourr
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dolceamourr Member

dolceamourr

Posted
Posted (edited)

Kind of a long story, sorry. My bf and I have been together for almost 4 months. We're both 25. We both come from a really, really conservative culture. From a very young age, girls pretty much have it drilled into them that they have to remain virgins until marriage, or they're basically sluts. However, guys are pretty much able to do as they please. As I've grown up, I've learned that I don't agree with this mentality, and that I don't want to necessarily wait for marriage - just the right person. I hadn't ever thought I'd met that person yet, till now. Many of us in the younger generations are way more open minded than our parents.

 

My boyfriend knows all of this and has told me he's willing to wait. This last weekend, we had our first sleepover. We didn't have sex, but things happened. It was difficult for me because I have that "mentality" stuck in the back of my head, but I wanted to so I did. He tried to go further, and I said no - not yet. I want to eventually, but I'm still struggling with the decision.

 

Now, here is where I'm not sure if I overreacted. On instagram, there is a page that posts memes, exclusively about our ethnic group with little jokes about the culture. My first name is extremely common in the culture. The page posted a meme saying "Guys reactions when they find out _(my first name)___ isn't pure (virgin/never done anything sexual)." And it shows a guy basically crying when he finds out the girl he's dating isn't "pure." He tagged me on this post. I got really, really upset because I wondered why in the world he would tag me in something like that. I asked him about that, thinking that he must have changed his opinion of me after the sleepover. He yelled that he wasn't going to apologize, that he did nothing wrong, and that I was overreacting.

 

I explained to him that I didn't find it funny and that I don't know why he'd tag me. He said it was "only because" the meme had my name on it so he thought it was funny, and that he didn't actually think about the content of the meme or what it implies. Seems like a weak excuse to me, but ok. He said I was ridiculous to be mad at him over social media. I stayed calm and tried to explain, and eventually he said sorry. However, I'm sure he still thinks I overreacted. Did I?? I mean, I didn't ignore him for hours or days, yell, scream, etc. I calmly told him about it, and he knows the cultural pressures. It really just made me feel like he thinks less of me now. Was I wrong?

Edited by dolceamourr
Assasda Established Member

Assasda

Posted
Posted

Yeah you over-reacted

 

But only because he's not sensitive to your insecurities.

As blunt as that.

 

Youre insecure about being seen as a slut, he doesnt care.

I personally dont think he should apologize either.

 

You should get a hold of yourself, and say ask "Why does this upset me?"

"Is it something that I'm afraid of?" "Is it something that is true?"

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

You were not wrong.

 

Knowing your culture and your dwelling on sexuality what he did was disrespectful and cruel. A boyfriend that loves and respects his girlfriend would not make fun of her in public arena on something so personal.

 

If he had apologized right away and said he was sorry, he didn't think and it's true it's cruel and he'd take it down right away then I would be hurt but would eventually forgive him if the relationship is otherwise great BUT the way he reacted with you, he yelled at you!!!, refused to recognized your hurt feelings ? This is material for you to reconsider a relationship with this man. I would think twice before sleeping over again. This is not a man I would want to build a life with.

  • Like 1
Giggle Established Member

Giggle

Posted
Posted

That would have socked me in the gut as well. He was being an ass. Thinking that he thinks less of you.. Maybe a slight overreaction yeah. But tagging you in that? So disrespectful. Even nothing to do with your culture that was disrespectful. His reaction to it.. Not somebody I would want to mess with at all.

 

I have posted something not really thinking how somebody would react. I felt like **** later and publicly apologized before removing it.

 

He could/should have apologized for upsetting you and removed it.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Since virginity & purity are important in your culture & you both know this even if your views are changing, his actions show me he still believes in a double standard. Since you waited this long to give you virginity to the right guy, his actions, lack of respect for your feelings & the fact that he is willing to publically humiliate you tell me he's the wrong guy.

  • Like 4
HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

Posted
Posted

Well at least you know he's NOT the right one!

 

He will shame you. I'd back away from him. He's a jerk. No, you were not wrong.

  • Like 1
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dolceamourr Member

dolceamourr

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You were not wrong.

 

Knowing your culture and your dwelling on sexuality what he did was disrespectful and cruel. A boyfriend that loves and respects his girlfriend would not make fun of her in public arena on something so personal.

 

If he had apologized right away and said he was sorry, he didn't think and it's true it's cruel and he'd take it down right away then I would be hurt but would eventually forgive him if the relationship is otherwise great BUT the way he reacted with you, he yelled at you!!!, refused to recognized your hurt feelings ? This is material for you to reconsider a relationship with this man. I would think twice before sleeping over again. This is not a man I would want to build a life with.

 

Well, I was really angry when I posted this. He did initially get angry and say that I was overreacting, and that he wouldn't apologize for doing nothing wrong. Even as he was saying this, he removed the tag fr instagram. Nobody would have seen it besides me and strangers, but still. It's just unnecessary. After he cooled down he insisted that he didn't think the meme through, and had only tagged me in it because of my first name. He said he would be more careful, that I'm important to him, etc. I'm not entirely sold on how a competent adult can argue that they "didn't pay attention" to the subject matter of the meme, but this what he says.

 

I forgave him. After our conversation he texted me again and said "I'm so so sorry. I really don't want this to effect things between us." It's definitely effected things though. It was really thoughtless of him, and now I'm just more hesitant.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Hesitant is good under the circumstances. No more sleep overs for a while.

Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted
Kind of a long story, sorry. My bf and I have been together for almost 4 months. We're both 25. We both come from a really, really conservative culture. From a very young age, girls pretty much have it drilled into them that they have to remain virgins until marriage, or they're basically sluts. However, guys are pretty much able to do as they please. As I've grown up, I've learned that I don't agree with this mentality, and that I don't want to necessarily wait for marriage - just the right person. I hadn't ever thought I'd met that person yet, till now. Many of us in the younger generations are way more open minded than our parents.

 

My boyfriend knows all of this and has told me he's willing to wait. This last weekend, we had our first sleepover. We didn't have sex, but things happened. It was difficult for me because I have that "mentality" stuck in the back of my head, but I wanted to so I did. He tried to go further, and I said no - not yet. I want to eventually, but I'm still struggling with the decision.

 

Now, here is where I'm not sure if I overreacted. On instagram, there is a page that posts memes, exclusively about our ethnic group with little jokes about the culture. My first name is extremely common in the culture. The page posted a meme saying "Guys reactions when they find out _(my first name)___ isn't pure (virgin/never done anything sexual)." And it shows a guy basically crying when he finds out the girl he's dating isn't "pure." He tagged me on this post. I got really, really upset because I wondered why in the world he would tag me in something like that. I asked him about that, thinking that he must have changed his opinion of me after the sleepover. He yelled that he wasn't going to apologize, that he did nothing wrong, and that I was overreacting.

 

I explained to him that I didn't find it funny and that I don't know why he'd tag me. He said it was "only because" the meme had my name on it so he thought it was funny, and that he didn't actually think about the content of the meme or what it implies. Seems like a weak excuse to me, but ok. He said I was ridiculous to be mad at him over social media. I stayed calm and tried to explain, and eventually he said sorry. However, I'm sure he still thinks I overreacted. Did I?? I mean, I didn't ignore him for hours or days, yell, scream, etc. I calmly told him about it, and he knows the cultural pressures. It really just made me feel like he thinks less of me now. Was I wrong?

 

My only advice is not to lose your virginity to that guy.. wait till marriage, if it's what your culture calls for.

HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

Posted
Posted
Well, I was really angry when I posted this. He did initially get angry and say that I was overreacting, and that he wouldn't apologize for doing nothing wrong. Even as he was saying this, he removed the tag fr instagram. Nobody would have seen it besides me and strangers, but still. It's just unnecessary. After he cooled down he insisted that he didn't think the meme through, and had only tagged me in it because of my first name. He said he would be more careful, that I'm important to him, etc. I'm not entirely sold on how a competent adult can argue that they "didn't pay attention" to the subject matter of the meme, but this what he says.

 

I forgave him. After our conversation he texted me again and said "I'm so so sorry. I really don't want this to effect things between us." It's definitely effected things though. It was really thoughtless of him, and now I'm just more hesitant.

 

He's soooo sorry because he hasn't gotten any yet. He's shown you what he's about.

  • Like 4
angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted

When people show you who they really are, believe them.

 

You may not buy into the double standard, but he certainly does based on his actions. Words are cheap! His actions are telling you the real story and how he truly feels...if you're willing to heed them rather than make excuses for his bad behavior. He's not a nice person, and not relationship material...at least he wouldn't be for me if he did something so disrespectful and, given your cultural context, cruel.

  • Like 3
chakra_str0ng Member

chakra_str0ng

Posted
Posted
Kind of a long story, sorry. My bf and I have been together for almost 4 months. We're both 25. We both come from a really, really conservative culture. From a very young age, girls pretty much have it drilled into them that they have to remain virgins until marriage, or they're basically sluts. However, guys are pretty much able to do as they please. As I've grown up, I've learned that I don't agree with this mentality, and that I don't want to necessarily wait for marriage - just the right person. I hadn't ever thought I'd met that person yet, till now. Many of us in the younger generations are way more open minded than our parents.

 

My boyfriend knows all of this and has told me he's willing to wait. This last weekend, we had our first sleepover. We didn't have sex, but things happened. It was difficult for me because I have that "mentality" stuck in the back of my head, but I wanted to so I did. He tried to go further, and I said no - not yet. I want to eventually, but I'm still struggling with the decision.

 

Now, here is where I'm not sure if I overreacted. On instagram, there is a page that posts memes, exclusively about our ethnic group with little jokes about the culture. My first name is extremely common in the culture. The page posted a meme saying "Guys reactions when they find out _(my first name)___ isn't pure (virgin/never done anything sexual)." And it shows a guy basically crying when he finds out the girl he's dating isn't "pure." He tagged me on this post. I got really, really upset because I wondered why in the world he would tag me in something like that. I asked him about that, thinking that he must have changed his opinion of me after the sleepover. He yelled that he wasn't going to apologize, that he did nothing wrong, and that I was overreacting.

 

I explained to him that I didn't find it funny and that I don't know why he'd tag me. He said it was "only because" the meme had my name on it so he thought it was funny, and that he didn't actually think about the content of the meme or what it implies. Seems like a weak excuse to me, but ok. He said I was ridiculous to be mad at him over social media. I stayed calm and tried to explain, and eventually he said sorry. However, I'm sure he still thinks I overreacted. Did I?? I mean, I didn't ignore him for hours or days, yell, scream, etc. I calmly told him about it, and he knows the cultural pressures. It really just made me feel like he thinks less of me now. Was I wrong?

 

Ooo... he seems a little ignorant to me. Not only did it LITERALLY have your name, but it was LITERALLY an issue you have personally... You under-reacted (is that a word?) imo. I don't know how close you guys are but if you want to go anywhere relationship-wise with him, you have to let him know what a personal thing this is for you. Also, him saying that you overreacted over social media? That seemed as though he was undermining your emotions because not only did you NOT overreact, but it had nothing to do with social media. If he "knows [and fully understands] the cultural pressues", he wouldn't have made the immature decision to tag you.

Assasda Established Member

Assasda

Posted
Posted

Shows why he shouldnt have apologized.

hehehe

Apologizing for nothing, gets you into more trouble,

 

He just apologized for your sensitivity OP. Great Job.

ahahaha

I do agree, now, that he's probably not the one for you, because he's a pansy

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

I come from a liberal culture but dated conservative men in the past who had your values OP. I have to say none of them would have posted something like this about a girl with similar values. No idea whether they would have been more cheeky with me (I never experienced it) but they wouldn't have done it to a conservative girl for sure.

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