soccer467 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 We have almost been dating for a year. She was with one major guy before me who cheated on her. I am her second and she is my first, I love her so much. She said she would never ever cheat on me cause she knows what it feels like. However, last week she said we needed to have a talk and she told me my worst nightmare. She was at a party, got really drunk, and cheated on me... Caught me by total surprise because I never meet anyone who cares about me as much as she does. Her apology was very sympathetic and knows she ****ed up and regrets it. Its been a week since and we've been crying together 4 out of the last 7 days. It has been very painful. I broke up with her as soon as she told me. Normally I would just move on but the love she expresses for me is beyond words. Next year we will both be going to college and she even just signed a lease for an apartment and going to college next to me JUST FOR ME. I thought this was crazy. I thought about if i ever cheated on her i know i would want her to take me back. This has been so hard and I have been just so lost. I also have been thinking about getting with other girls, not to get back at her but to just experience what it is like since I have only had sex with just her and she has had sex with 3 guys now. Is this something I should talk to her about? I feel like she would be very upset at this...
jay1983 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Don't talk to her about it, just leave her and find someone else.
jonsnuh Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 In my eyes, getting drunk is never an excuse for stupidity. You'll save yourself a lot of grief by moving on. Sorry she did this to you. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Unfortunately, her love for you wasn't enough to motivate her to make the right decision and not cheat. I would cut my losses and move on. Especially given that she's starting college, where temptation abound. Find someone who loves you enough not to get physical with other guys; she doesn't. 1
Assasda Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 OP. you Sir are a sap. I have no problem with you taking her back. What I have a problem with is the story you told of both of you sitting down and crying together, I nearly barfed. You probably should work on your insecurities And if you can work on those and stop being a doormat for your girlfriend, you'll acheive to big things.
giblesp Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Yeah you can forgive her, just dump her first. And if you're thinking about having sex with other girls for the experience, the relationship is over anyway. You're not in love dude, its something else. Move on and get a loyal GF.
BradJacobs Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 She's your first. More than likely this was never meant to last. Have her make it up to you and then move on to find your second and third and so on.
J21 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You gotta end it. "U love her", her signing a lease near ur school, "cares about u" or whatever, none of that matter at this point. She cheated on you. Of course she's gonna feel remorseful, any normal person would. But that doesn't change the fact she still cheated. Wasn't meant to last.
sillybint Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You categorically cannot sleep with other people while this is going on - it WILL cloud your judgement and make you feel awful. Leave it for when/if you're officially single and okay with that. I, myself am absolutely against cheating. I could never do it to someone, drunk or not. I can control my sexual urges even when drunk, so I've never been one to say 'oh they were drunk, it's okay' - it's not okay, in my book. If you know you can't control your urges when drunk, either don't drink so much when away from your partner, or take your partner with you and have crazy drunk sex together. That way, no one gets hurt. I cannot tell you whether or not to stay with your girlfriend - only you can know in your heart if you can forgive her - but I will say this - don't tell her you forgive her and then bring it up at every chance you get. REALLY mean it, if you forgive her. If you truly can't forgive her, then don't drag it out. 2
Trane Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 OP. you Sir are a sap. I have no problem with you taking her back. What I have a problem with is the story you told of both of you sitting down and crying together, I nearly barfed. You probably should work on your insecurities And if you can work on those and stop being a doormat for your girlfriend, you'll acheive to big things. AND you think it's right to crap on him because he's cried in front of his girlfriend? You should save your vomit for your own emotional rescue. What is up with people giving others grief because a guy admits his feelings and has shows how much he's really hurt? The wrong answer is to tell this guy he's a wimp because he admitted to crying with his girlfriend. I'm more inclined to think people who bottle up their emotions and reserve feelings due to some alpha/beta animal crap are damaged goods. 2
soccerrprp Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Drunk or no, she was aware enough to have known what she was doing. Less inhibited for certain, but well aware what she was doing. No time did she tell you that she was forced or coerced....so, all voluntary. You are young and this is a good reason to move on. So, move on.
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 That's a tough one. If you're done with her, completely done, then yeah, there really isn't any harm in going out with other women. Not to "get back at her," as that's unhealthy, but for yourself. Boosting your own self-confidence is fine, and as long as you're upfront with these women about your intentions, go for it. If, however, you are seriously considering forgiving her, then that would be a mistake, I think. You'd just make a complicated situation exponentially more complex. Only you can decide if you can get past this. Since you said you've broken up, I'd say go into no contact for a while. Let her think about what she did. It seems weird, but people who break up often use their ex as a crying towel to get over the breakup! This means you're not friends, you're not buddies, you're not hanging out. You're broken up. Leave her alone for at least 30 days. This does two things. First, it allows you to heal and really think about whether or not you can forgive her. Secondly, it makes her envision life without you, and for her to recognize that actions have consequences. If, after 30 days, you still want to talk to her, reach out. More than likely, she'll contact you in that time period. People make mistakes. If this were a habit of hers, I would be joining the "dump her" chorus. And they're probably right anyway... more than likely, this girl doesn't deserve you. But, if after 30 days, you think you still might want her in your life, then I'd say talk about it. But remember: She hurt you. You're under no obligation to "fix" this. She needs to do the heavy lifting. It's funny... you and I have an enormous age difference, but the emotions are the same. My GF did the same thing to me last fall. Difference is, she showed no remorse at all, and in fact wound up being insulting and aggressive towards me when we talked about it... needless to say, we did not get back together It hurt like hell. Still does, in fact, I've never loved anyone the way I loved this woman. Probably never will. But if the guilty party shows no remorse, there's nothing to salvage. Your situation might be different. Good luck, and be strong!
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 It's entirely up to you. However, someone who has been cheated on & knows how awful that feels should really know better. If she had stopped after a drunken kiss and then confessed, I'd say give her a chance. But now that she has been on both sides -- cheating in a relationship rather than fidelity is her norm.
ktya Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 I've been cheated on before and it really sucks. Heres the rub. Keep it simple because at times like this you can overthink everything. Questions to ask yourself: 1. She told you and expressed remorse rather than you finding out about it some other way. Does this make you feel like you can still trust her? 2. If you answered YES to (1), are you willing to keep this quiet amongst your friends so they dont badmouth her and treat her like crap? 3. If you answered YES to (1) and (2), are you willing to forgive her and continue in your relationship with her? 4. If you answered YES to 1, 2, 3 & 4 then give it a try and if your trust issues take over the relationship and you cant stop bringing it up every time you fight just break up. It will never be the same. If you can let it go it might work. She told you about it. That is a good sign. **** happens sometimes when your drunk. I've been there. :-P 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 It's entirely up to you. However, someone who has been cheated on & knows how awful that feels should really know better. If she had stopped after a drunken kiss and then confessed, I'd say give her a chance. But now that she has been on both sides -- cheating in a relationship rather than fidelity is her norm. It's interesting that you came to that conclusion, and it makes sense. However, I initially saw it in a completely different manner: His GF had been cheated on, which left her damaged. And look at what the OP says -- his initial thought is to go out and get laid himself. It's possible that she was working out her own demons, and now that she has, she can (possibly) be a good partner for the OP. Of course, what she's done now is transfer her hurt and pain onto the OP, and he has no place to put it. A vicious cycle...
Kid_Charlemange Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Questions to ask yourself: Very logical! I think you're right, the natural tendency is to overthink these things. So much emotion flowing...
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