cookiekittens Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 So I have to say that for the first time in my life I am facing something that I just don't know what the answer is here, or how to find it. I was married at the age of 37 after having not so great luck with men. My friends seemed to feel that my problems retaining a relationship stemmed from being attractive, successful and having a pretty strong character all in one. By the time I hit 32 I started to get desperate because I wanted to have a kid. So that was like the kiss of death, I ran even more men away. Approaching forty, I did get married, but it was to the wrong guy. The marriage was ok prior to having a child, but when I did have a baby girl my marriage fell apart. We divorced about a year later. Things are complicated now. I am happy on one hand to be free of the need to have someone and for many years it really worked for me. I am in love with my daughter and with myself and I really calmed down and become planted on my two feet. I feel powerful as a result of that -- a power I never had. And for a long time, I was content just to be with my daughter. I also had to spend a significant amount of time working so that I could afford the best for her so I started a small but successful corporation after my divorce. These two things have sucked a lot of my time and even though I have a great support network including family and neighbors --- well the result is that I have not met anyone for a long time. I am too embarrassed to say how long and now it has started to bother me. I am not living life as a person has meant to live it. Sometimes I think to myself that on Noah's ark every animal had a mate but for some reason there is none for me. I did try the dating websites, but found no suitable matches. There was even a guy who stole my phone while we were on a date. And truth be told dear audience, I can't go back to that kind of life where I am having bad dates with crazy bad guys who either drink too much or gamble or cheat. I love the sanity and the gravity that I have created for myself and my daughter but the loneliness is starting to literally kill me on the inside. So what should I do people? Where should I go? And why is it so darn hard?
hermitinator Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You are much older than I am, but I have always believed that love comes to you when you least expect it, when you are not hunting for it. My advice would be to still center yourself (with your daughter and the self-empowerment that you have gained from the divorce), but also involve yourself in activities that you like to do, that you *might* meet another person, unexpectantly. That way, you will meet someone on *your* ground, your interests and your hobbies. Rather than going on a date with a bad man who has poor intentions.
Lifegoezon Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Congratulations on making a success of your career and motherhood. You've made your own way and done your own thing. It's good to be a strong, independent woman who doesn't need to hang her happiness on another person. You are a great role model for your daughter and you should be proud. But I do get that you feel like there's a gap in your life. We have much in common. I'm a strong independent working mother too. You don't say how old you are now but I'm guessing still younger than me. I had my daughter ( second child) at 40 knowing the relationship was likely to fail but also knowing I had to poop or get off the pot for various reasons. It was over by the time I was 47 and I figured I'd be single forever. Not true at all. It was a couple of years before I was remotely interested and I think during that time I unconsciously didn't give off the right signals. After that changed ( all by itself ) wham! I was getting all sorts of interest. There were a few real life encounters and with renewed confidence I tried online dating, I made some mistakes, had some fun, learned a lot and met my most recent ex. Hell - I wasn't expecting the two and a half years I got out of that, let alone a life partner so no regrets there. Anyway the past 5 years have been a blast. I think if you try to find time to get out and do something that puts you among other single people, (maybe a class, dancing, volunteering,) focusing on yourself, you'll find you give off different signals and attract attention. And sometimes online dating does work out - maybe just develop better screening processes.
Jatli Posted June 19, 2014 Posted June 19, 2014 I am 51 and recently separated from the love of my life. So I completely understand where you are coming from. I feel that here I am at this age and I will be alone. I am in pretty good shape and people tell me I am pretty and don't look my age, but right now I feel 100. My heart is aching and I know it will be a long time before I am ready to go out there again. So yes I feel that I may be alone the rest of my life. I have a 17 year old son and he feels for me and is upset that I am so upset but I don't ever let him see the tears.
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