Lisey9 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Or maybe you should. My post wasn't directed at you so relax. I have as much right to be here as you or anyone. I stand by my response. I don't see the big problem. But then I was in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage for a long time so my perspective of what constitutes a 'problem' is likely different. There are a hell of a lot bigger problems in marriage than this. My opinion. Please do not comment further on my posts unless they are directed at you. Name calling and being controlling are hallmarks of emotional abuse.
Grumpybutfun Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 The big fail on his part is trying to project onto you what he feels you should be doing. Let him know you are aware of the blessings and the hard work coming your way and in no way need to be micromanaged. Then tell him you are happy he is enthusiastic and him to consider that you just show your enthusiasm differently. Also, let him know that as a woman you have already been granted with the biological urge of caregiving that comes from the heart and that cannot be taught by a book. My wife is so nurturing by nature that it amazes me what she can do and feel in a space of two seconds....mothers have that instinct. Kiss and make up and enjoy this experience. Trust me, you want to be partners in this endeavor because there are a lot of long days and nights headed your way, ones filled with joy if you nurture your marriage and make sure your boundaries and needs are met by each other. A hands on dad, Grumps 2
Notsure_9 Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 He sounds like he wants you to read and do the things he's doing to learn about the pregnancy. He could be somewhat apprehensive about everything that could and will happen. I wouldn't take it so hard especially if he did apologize. Btw the books about pregnancy can really be a huge help in letting you know what to expect. Good luck and congrats on the baby!
Hope Shimmers Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Bottom line, the OP lives in HER marriage, and when her husband basically berated her for not reading a book RIGHT NOW (when they just found out about the pregnancy), it hurt. That kind of remark would hurt me too. It would feel like he was saying I was going to be a bad mother just because I wasn't devouring a baby book MONTHS before I gave birth. Just because he doesn't beat her doesn't mean she can't be hurt by such a thoughtless question. Agreed. I guess I just don't see him saying "What kind of a woman are you?" and then immediately apologizing for it as a huge problem to stew over for days. There will be much bigger things to stew over, even in a non-abusive marriage, as time goes on, so it made me wonder how those things would be handled. This guy sounds like a decent guy who was disappointed that his wife wasn't showing the enthusiasm for the new baby that he was. Sounds like a keeper to me. There are many men who are just sperm donors, as SC said above. I think OP should be glad she doesn't have one of those. I don't see where he called her any names or was emotionally abusive. He was disappointed and said what he did and apologized. Time to move on. I'll bow out of the thread since I can't offer any sympathy, which I see now was the point of the thread.Good luck OP. 1
alwayshere Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Agreed. I guess I just don't see him saying "What kind of a woman are you?" and then immediately apologizing for it as a huge problem to stew over for days. There will be much bigger things to stew over, even in a non-abusive marriage, as time goes on, so it made me wonder how those things would be handled. This guy sounds like a decent guy who was disappointed that his wife wasn't showing the enthusiasm for the new baby that he was. Sounds like a keeper to me. There are many men who are just sperm donors, as SC said above. I think OP should be glad she doesn't have one of those. I don't see where he called her any names or was emotionally abusive. He was disappointed and said what he did and apologized. Time to move on. I'll bow out of the thread since I can't offer any sympathy, which I see now was the point of the thread.Good luck OP. I think the desire for sympathy, or at least empathy, is a part of pretty much every help thread.
atreides Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 Perhaps he's just really, overly excited and wants you to share in his enthusiasm. . OP ^^^^^^^ 100% this. I will add, his comment is based on an expectation he has and when you did not reciprocate the enthusiasm, it was a shock to what he assumed and expected as an ideal of what he thinks women would normally act. His comment came from poor tact and not to insult you.
Author dogeared Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 (edited) Thanks for all the comments. I know that he apologized and I just need to get over it. Edited June 16, 2014 by dogeared
BeenThereDoneThatUgh Posted June 16, 2014 Posted June 16, 2014 See my user name.. Yep. Same thing happened to me, and let me be the first to warn you-you SHOULD be concerned. This is just the beginning. As soon as I got pregnant with my husband's child, he turned into a completely different person. As I look back now, I really believe that he would be psyched if I were not in the picture at all. First came the comments "what kind of mother are you?" when doing normal household cleaning/activities including vacuuming (mind you, he wasn't about to volunteer. He just doesn't mind living in a pigsty). This soon escalated into "I don't believe you really want this baby", to "If you miscarry this baby, I'll consider it something you did on this purpose, and you will have my wrath FOREVER", to after the baby was born "If you think you're leaving with my son, make no mistake. I will do whatever I have to to make sure I get custody. TRY ME!" I am a good mother. I have raised 2 children that are now out of the house, and they adore me, as I do them, so don't think he had any reason to justify any of what he did. Those who think they wish they had such problems have no IDEA what they are talking about. Mark my words, and PLEASE keep me posted. My prayers are with you!
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