Cakess Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 So my boyfriend has a ticket for me to attend his graduation now for months. And then on the day I'm in the beginnings of getting dressed and I get a text message saying not to come and that his Dad wants the ticket to bring one of his step daughters or something like that, so he tells me not to come. I feel like I'm in a tough place here. I get it. I'm not family and it is a big day, but I let him come to my graduation and I made SURE he came, I didn't just pull the rug under him like that. I had made plans and took off from work and everything. Do I have a right to be upset with him?
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Yes you have the right to be upset but know he did this to please his family & you "lost" your seat to a step sibling. I'm sorry you lost time from work. You can tell him you are disappointed but don't start a fight over this. It wasn't his fault. Think about how uncomfortable everyone would have been had he insisted that you go. Really you would have been miserable. 2
Priv Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I'm sorry for you. That was a really ****ty non excusable move. Seriously f*cked up and you have every right to be angry. He gave you the ticket, and family or not, he cancelled out on the very last last last last minute. Your BF nonetheless! But also: but I let him come to my graduation and I made SURE he cameQUOTE] Unless I am taking that at face value you are in very wrong section of the forum ;-). (sorry, had a beer too many this evening)
Priv Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Yes you have the right to be upset but know he did this to please his family & you "lost" your seat to a step sibling. I'm sorry you lost time from work. You can tell him you are disappointed but don't start a fight over this. It wasn't his fault. Think about how uncomfortable everyone would have been had he insisted that you go. Really you would have been miserable. Best listen to this advice. More reason to it . Though I still believe you have every right to be upset...
Keenly Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Its also possible his father may have strong armed him into doing this. Find out before you freak out on him, that would really be an awful situation. 1
Els Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Ugh. I don't know. On the one hand, someone is definitely being a major douche in this situation - either his dad if he'd really tried to strongarm his son into that at the last minute, or your bf for not handling the matter properly. On the other hand, d0nnivan is right that you probably would've been made to feel miserable if you'd insisted on going. Is this the only such occurrence of the sort?
Author Cakess Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Ugh. I don't know. On the one hand, someone is definitely being a major douche in this situation - either his dad if he'd really tried to strongarm his son into that at the last minute, or your bf for not handling the matter properly. On the other hand, d0nnivan is right that you probably would've been made to feel miserable if you'd insisted on going. Is this the only such occurrence of the sort? My boyfriend has never really stood up for me and I know that his family isn't exactly my biggest fans, so initially I felt as though he just gave it away without a fight, but I haven't said anything about it. The whole day passed and he never called. I want to let it go but it feels like the new scar over the old one where I still can't seem to find a place in his life and I'm sick of fighting it. On a side note, sorry this may be in the wrong section!
Els Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 My boyfriend has never really stood up for me and I know that his family isn't exactly my biggest fans, so initially I felt as though he just gave it away without a fight, but I haven't said anything about it. The whole day passed and he never called. I want to let it go but it feels like the new scar over the old one where I still can't seem to find a place in his life and I'm sick of fighting it. On a side note, sorry this may be in the wrong section! Ah, okay. Did his parents put him through college? If they did I suppose it might make sense that he put them first during his graduation, but after this it really has to stop.
Author Cakess Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Is this high school or college? If high school then this is more a decision of his parents. If college then your boyfriend should have put you first. You have a right to be very upset but I wouldn't be too harsh on your boyfriend if this is high school. It is high school. I guess you're right for me to get over it, but it does still hurt and at least I'd like him to know that I really wanted to be there and it bothered me that I wasn't allowed.
Assasda Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You shoulda argued about it when it first happened. Its a little rough to be talking about the past now, when he can do nothing about it. I think you have a legit beef
KatZee Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Well, I'm surprised no one asked why his parents don't like you. I think that's a good place to start. Why aren't his parents your "biggest fans"? 2
Poppyolive Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Let him have his day. Maybe with the excitement of it all last thing he wanted was pops having a go at him...in which case you got let down. Deep breaths, let him have his day and say you'd like to talk...this is how you feel and go from there. I wouldn't go to town on the guy and be all super angry about it. Take this day to treat yourself. Then talk when you feel calm and gauge from his reaction...does he understand where you are coning from...etc.. Also why does his family have issues with you?
wind willow Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) but it does still hurt and at least I'd like him to know that I really wanted to be there and it bothered me that I wasn't allowed. Tell him that and give him the chance to explain, apologize and/or make it up to you. Say it calmly -- no yelling or accusing. Just tell him exactly what you told us above. It's reasonable for a high school relationship that he does what his family asks to let a family member use the ticket instead of his girlfriend. He probably would rather have you there. It's also reasonable for you to be hurt to find that out last minute. Don't expect him to know something is important to you without telling him. Don't bottle up the hurt and end up getting disproportionately pissed at him for some small thing down the road. Edited June 11, 2014 by wind willow 1
Author Cakess Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Let him have his day. Maybe with the excitement of it all last thing he wanted was pops having a go at him...in which case you got let down. Deep breaths, let him have his day and say you'd like to talk...this is how you feel and go from there. I wouldn't go to town on the guy and be all super angry about it. Take this day to treat yourself. Then talk when you feel calm and gauge from his reaction...does he understand where you are coning from...etc.. Also why does his family have issues with you? My family and his family are from similar race and economic background, I am less of a type of girl that they prefer because I am more reserved and education driven and I think they perceive that to mean that I am prissy or too good for them. Frankly, I think I was judged on how I sounded and what I wore and wasn't really given a chance to redeem myself since. But I tend to not worry about it. I told him that we need to talk face to face and I'll tell him how I feel then. But I'm going to follow the advice and not blow up at him about it. Even though I want to.
Assasda Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 ^ You missed your Blow up chance when he first notified you:o 1
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