SciFiFan Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I've lived next door to this woman for a few years we both live alone on the same landing in a block of flats but its a block where the neighbours generally keep to themselves without really talking to each other apart from a cursory acknowledgement in passing on the stairs. I never used to see my next door neighbour that much, sometimes for weeks or more at a time, but since she got a dog recently she's been going in and out a lot more so I bump into her a lot more often now. We've never really got to know each other before apart from a few brief pleasantries in passing I'm fairly shy and I get the impression she is as well and its always seemed to me neither of us are sure what to say to each other. However we'd started talking a bit more recently when we see each other on the stairs and although she does still seem rather reserved (granted its like the pot talking about the kettle coming from me) I'd thought we were beginning to develop a bit of a rapport. We're both similar age I'd say she's a couple of years younger than me early 30s and as far as I know she's single, certainly I've never seen her with a man. I'm not necessarily thinking about asking her out but I do quite like her and would like us to become friends at least. Though I wouldn't dismiss the possibility of something more. I had been thinking about maybe asking her if she'd like to go for coffee one afternoon when she's free, I'd be more comfortable (and I think she would too) going to a coffee shop than inviting her in. However last week she was coming in just as I was going out one evening, I said "hi" and asked her show she is. She just kind of mumbled "hi" and went straight into her flat without even looking at me. Honestly I think she could have frozen hell! This has been really bothering me I'm not sure what I could have said or done to make her react that way. My inclination is to see how she reacts next time I see her, I certainly don't want to knock her door and ask her if she wants to go for coffee or any other excuse to knock her door. That said I've been pretty aloof with her at times in the past so maybe that's exactly how I'd made her feel I don't know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I'm getting the impression that maybe she thinks I'm a creepy weirdo and probably I should just avoid her completely now. Any advice on how I could try to break the ice without making her feel uncomfortable?
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Don't assume the worst. People lead busy lives and maybe there is stuff going on and she wasn't in the mood to be chatty and friendly. Or maybe she in a bad mood that day. Next time you see her, don't stop and chit chat. Wave and give her a smile, then keep on going... If she wants to reach out and chat, she will again the future. 1
preraph Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Some people really don't like to befriend neighbors except as waving acquaintances because it can be a giant time suck. They start thinking, Oh, this person is going to start popping over unannounced and talking my ear off. Now,I know you have not even begun to do that at all, but I'm just saying there are a fair amount of people with that mindset and I am one. I tend to take up more with the ones who seem less eager because I reckon they're not going to overdo it. So I'd advise just keeping it to a friendly smile for now and see if she initiates any chat. If so and it becomes comfortable, then would be the time to go for coffee. Do ask her about her schedule and see how busy she is first. I work at home, so I truly don't want anyone interrupting me, for example. Good luck. 1
jbelle6 Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 Some people really don't like to befriend neighbors except as waving acquaintances because it can be a giant time suck. They start thinking, Oh, this person is going to start popping over unannounced and talking my ear off. Now,I know you have not even begun to do that at all, but I'm just saying there are a fair amount of people with that mindset and I am one. I tend to take up more with the ones who seem less eager because I reckon they're not going to overdo it. So I'd advise just keeping it to a friendly smile for now and see if she initiates any chat. If so and it becomes comfortable, then would be the time to go for coffee. Do ask her about her schedule and see how busy she is first. I work at home, so I truly don't want anyone interrupting me, for example. Good luck. It really could be this. I love to chat with neighbors but I know some people really dislike letting things get that familiar. I think she might be the type that would be afraid to start something in case it doesn't work out and things become awkward. I guess just see how she is the next couple of times you see her and feel her out then.
Omei Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) Its prob just what is going on with her and her day. OP I feel the very same way as you with my caretakers they are very nice to me and smile we say hi on passing and how are yous also etc but some days I say hello and dont get anything or they just say hi and not even smile or look at me this made me feel unsure also I even told my father I was worried they didn't like me and that worried me since I live in more high end apt that tends to only accept quiet career based singles, yet im so young in here with my kid I think im the only one with a child in my entire block! Anyway he told me to stop making it about me and that it likely has nothing to do with anything ive done. It is kind of unsettling isn't it when people dont return the gesture oh well. Edited July 8, 2014 by Omei
Sugarkane Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 I've lived in the suburbs most of my life and a lot of people can be unfriendly like this. Kind of stupid really. If you're friendly to neighbors, they can get your mail and keep an eye on place while you're away/ on holiday. I envy when my mum was a child and everyone knew each other and their neighbors. Hoe things have changed. 1
AnneT1985 Posted July 8, 2014 Posted July 8, 2014 Don't assume the worst. People lead busy lives and maybe there is stuff going on and she wasn't in the mood to be chatty and friendly. Or maybe she in a bad mood that day. Next time you see her, don't stop and chit chat. Wave and give her a smile, then keep on going... If she wants to reach out and chat, she will again the future. Agreed entirely
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