expendableaccount Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 So these last couple of months have been hard for me. Maybe I'm weak or maybe I'm vulnerable because I think I'm weak. I don't know. Anyway, I've had a crush on a girl since October. I gradually got the feeling she didn't feel the same and it made me feel ****. Two weeks ago my friend said he liked her as well and honestly, it was hell being near them because it feels like he is more intimite than I ever was. I don't know if she likes him, she might not but I don't think it's impossible. Eiiither way, this led me to feeling I had to tell her the truth so she understood why I felt uncomfortable hanging out. She understood. I made it very clear I want to stay friend if she wanted to when I felt comfortable hanging out again. She said she'd really like to stay friends as well and liked me as a person, just not in that sense. Which was great. But because I told her I felt uncomfortable hanging out we haven't spoken since which was a week ago. It should be noted that I told her through facebook (Yes, don't tell me how stupid this was. I had planned to tell her twice in person but inconveniences made it not possible and I couldn't stand waiting so I just told her through facebook. I KNOW IT WAS STUPID.) I talked to the school counselor today and my head was a bit messy because I didn't really know what to do. But I kind of realized that I had felt a bit bad about not talking about it in person with her. So the school counselor encouraged me to do so. I've sent her a message that I want to talk about it tomorrow (which also happens to be the last day of school) and she said it's fine so we are. But honestly, I don't know what to say. She knows how I feel and what the plan is. Luckily she is very sympathetic and supportive so that's nice. According the school counselor I shouldn't think about it and I'll say what I say tomorrow but I don't know if that'll go too well. Can I at least get some ideas?
learning_slowly Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I don't think you can still be friends if you feel for her? But you know yourself better than me. She's probably being polite. What is their to be said? You told her on Facebook. Is this not just causing you to hope for a different outcome?
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 This stuff -- personal interactions & budding romances -- is tough. It gets a bit easier as you mature but not that much. The fact that you have a school counselor tells me you are young. Many people do goofy things when they are young. Don't beat yourself up about it. You get kudos for having the courage to communicate your feelings. You also get some for figuring out -- even in hindsight -- that you picked the wrong medium (FB) for your big confession. Going forward, when thinking about how to approach somebody think about privacy. Nothing about FB is confidential; a whole fortune 100 corporation can read your every thought & their business model is to sell that info. The 2nd thing I hoped you figured out is that these types of declarations almost never work. The next time you like somebody, ask for a date; skip the big declaration because it's implied but more subtle in the request for the date. When you see her, don't rehash everything. Just be positive. Tell her that you are glad she still wants to be friends. Then ask about her summer. Be friendly. By the time you get back to school in the fall this should all be a distant memory. Now, go off & have a great summer yourself.
Author expendableaccount Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 I don't think you can still be friends if you feel for her? But you know yourself better than me. She's probably being polite. What is their to be said? You told her on Facebook. Is this not just causing you to hope for a different outcome? Yes I know. That's exactly what I told her. I can't hang out while I still have feelings for you so therefore I need to take a pause until I'm over you. She completely understood and said she really wants to hang out when I feel comfortable doing so again. It just feels stupid not talking to her what so ever since I told her for like three months. I now have the chance to speak to her a week after just to like, I don't know. It feels right to have talked to her in person about it.
Author expendableaccount Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 This stuff -- personal interactions & budding romances -- is tough. It gets a bit easier as you mature but not that much. The fact that you have a school counselor tells me you are young. Many people do goofy things when they are young. Don't beat yourself up about it. You get kudos for having the courage to communicate your feelings. You also get some for figuring out -- even in hindsight -- that you picked the wrong medium (FB) for your big confession. Going forward, when thinking about how to approach somebody think about privacy. Nothing about FB is confidential; a whole fortune 100 corporation can read your every thought & their business model is to sell that info. The 2nd thing I hoped you figured out is that these types of declarations almost never work. The next time you like somebody, ask for a date; skip the big declaration because it's implied but more subtle in the request for the date. When you see her, don't rehash everything. Just be positive. Tell her that you are glad she still wants to be friends. Then ask about her summer. Be friendly. By the time you get back to school in the fall this should all be a distant memory. Now, go off & have a great summer yourself. Well, I knew she didn't feel the same. I just felt it was time to tell the truth and I don't regret it. It was probably the best decision I made throughout these months. I don't know what she's expecting. I said "It'd be nice to talk about it face to face." which she thought was fine. I did this because the school counselor encouraged me to and I genuinely want to. I just think that while it might still need to be about the situation it's stupid to mention what's already been said. Maybe if there's a question or something just to get the conversation going?
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 To start a friendly conversation, ask about her summer plans.
Frank13 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Send her a message on Facebook canceling the meet up. Nothing good can come from it. You said what you had to say and she knows how you feel. 1
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