Okay to be upset about FB status about OM?

[road]

I should also add that using the affair partner as a punching bag is usually a safer way of getting out anger and hurt, if you are trying to reconcile, because otherwise those emotions end up directed at the spouse that hurt you. I imagine it's worse since you say that OM was your husband's friend.

 

Of course the WS gets plenty of it too...I am in no way suggesting that I blame the OW/OM for the affair.

 

 

 

Attacking the OM is not attacking the WW. Unless the WW perceives it as such. Though then what the WW perceives in this case is not reality.

[violet1]

Attacking the OM is not attacking the WW. Unless the WW perceives it as such. Though then what the WW perceives in this case is not reality.

Why do people keep implying that CD's feelings don't matter? Yes, she had a social circle affair and hurt her H. However, she has taken ownership of her actions. I do agree that her H has the right to vent, but she is entitled to her feelings as well. It shouldn't be a husband vs. wife type of deal. It's their M and they're a team. Both of their feelings matter and I personally believe a compromise should be in order.

[Realist3]

I used to believe the idea of over-thinking something was a bad idea. Now, I'm convinced.

[harrybrown]

I do hope you can show your H that you are there for him and will help him heal.

 

It will take years to get over the A and your comments on d day.

[Trustnoone]

Compulsive dancer

 

When I first began lurking on this site I thought you were in the top three of candidates that I thought could reconcile successfully. However events that have occurred recently would have me very nervous. With all due respect I only see you as protecting OM. You yourself know how awful your affair was to your husband and its obvious that from googling OM earlier and protecting him now you are wrong. My WW protected her OM far too long in her infidelity as well. I asked her why she protected OM and she said she thought I would cause him great bodily harm. She's correct on this, I told her that's a consequence to HER actions. What your husband is posting is his business not yours. I told my wife whatever I decide to do to OM is my business. If I decide to choke him until I'm left holding a lifeless body that's my choice. I chose the high road and exposed to his wife and was the instigator in ending his employment. You may think what your husband is doing may be foolish but its obvious for his own reasons its something he needs or wants to do. So let him.

[Spectre]

Since, Mr. Spectre, I didn't address the question to you, your response is irrelevant to the topic.

 

You still kind of didn't explain how this could ever lead to her breaking NC unless the OP flat out wants to break NC.

[Spectre]

I do agree that her H has the right to vent, but she is entitled to her feelings as well.

 

Thing is, it's less about her being entitled to her feelings and more the fact of what these feelings signify. This OM deserves to be publicly bashed and it is NOT a good sign the OP is upset over it and actually had the nerve to ask her H to take it down.

 

Both of their feelings matter and I personally believe a compromise should be in order.

 

Why should there be a compromise here? The husband isn't doing anything wrong. He's already compromised enough with his wife, given the whole "not kicking her to the curb" thing. There is no need for compromise for this, the OM being insulted doesn't hurt the OP in the slightest, or rather..it shouldn't. The fact it did speaks volumes.

 

I'm also going to be blunt, when it comes to this specific issue? Sorry, her feelings do not matter as much as her husbands.

 

However events that have occurred recently would have me very nervous. With all due respect I only see you as protecting OM.

 

I'm getting this same vibe. She shouldn't give two sh*ts what her husband says to this scumbag..nor should she care if the fact he has a tiny penis is exposed to others. If the dude hadn't been allowed to put that tiny weiner inside her in the first place this wouldn't be happening.

 

You may think what your husband is doing may be foolish but its obvious for his own reasons its something he needs or wants to do. So let him.

 

Exactly, this should of never even been something she asked him to take down. Given this plus someone saying she recently had "urges" to contact this other man..I'm kind of beginning to think she should just leave her husband. He deserves a woman totally committed to reconciling, not someone who misses the scum they cheated with and goes out of their way to ask their H not to say anything bad about him.

 

Saying this OM has a tiny penis doesn't hurt her husband and it sure as hell shouldn't hurt her. The only person it hurts is the OM, and it's hard to believe that her concern from this was 100% just about her and had nothing to do with protecting the scumbag.

Edited June 12, 2014 by Spectre

[compulsivedancer]

Spectre, your speculation has gotten a little weird, and I need to clarify a couple of points:

 

1) I'm not sure where the poster who suggested I was still wanting to contact OM got his info. I suspect he was referring to the Google searches (?), which is a very different thing, and also ended several months ago.

 

2) The affair ended on DDay, and I have had no contact with OM since (many people believe I broke NC through the Goigle searches, but as far as actually seeing or talking to OM...no contact).

 

Also, though I did discuss the FB post with H and ask him to take it down, I ultimately left it up to him, and he did not take it down.

 

I know that it is mostly about his feelings concerning OM and that it was exactly an offhand comment for him (although once again I want to state that there was NO ambiguity left about who this was. H was fairly descriptive. Anyone who knows H and OM would know who he was talking about regardless of whether they knew about the A).

 

It was still a trigger for me and I still felt it like an arrow aimed at me, even if it was intended as a moment of amusement at OM's expense. I had had a crappy day and had a very bad headache - this kind of put a cap on it. I went and had a good cry. I don't think H gave it a second thought, but the evening went on and H brought me a rose from his run in the park.

Edited June 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator