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I want to dump him... but I don't want to hurt his feelings

Bonnie Potter

By Bonnie Potter
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ktya Established Member

ktya

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Theres nothing wrong with showing him that you like him as a person but telling him you dont want him as a boyfriend. In some of my breakups a little compassion on her part would have gone a long way.

Els Established Member

Els

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Aren't you the same person who posted about wanting to go out with the 'cute doctor'? :confused:

  • Like 1
DArtagnan2 Established Member

DArtagnan2

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I just changed my facebook profile pic to a picture of myself with a male friend. I won't tell him until tomorrow. Reason being, I don't want it to be too sudden.

 

Why would you do this?

 

so wrong and hurtful.

 

You are one example of why I shy away from dating.

Glinda.Good Established Member

Glinda.Good

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You are one example of why I shy away from dating.

 

Don't take this seriously.

Alexjones1 Member

Alexjones1

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Just tell him the truth. That you are a terrible person and thought up this plan to make him slowly go away because you don't have enough pride to do the right thing!

 

Your not helping him by doing this.

 

Help him and be truthful!

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Sorry folks, But I have a feeling we're chasing bunnies on this one. This is way too out there.

 

 

On the off chance this is real. You changed your profile pic from you to you and another guy? See, that's why I think bunnies are hopping around here. He went from being a good guy to someone you think is boring and awful? Too confusing.

Edited by Chi townD
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Bonnie Potter Member

Bonnie Potter

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I went over to his house to return the DVD last night and told him I did not want to hang out because I had a date with my friend. Inside the DVD I left a note saying that I had a date with my friend (the guy on the facebook pic) and that I'd be seeing my friend and that I wasn't ready to commit. Then I told him I was a crazy, wild girl who wold not want to settle down for a long time.

 

"Dear Tom. You are a good man. I say "man" because you're obviously more mature than I am. I'm not who you think I am, I'm not ready to commit and I know you are. I'm wild and won't be tamed for a long time. I must end this relationship now because I know I will hurt you even more if we keep this going. I am seeing Jamal, my friend from work. I hope you find the right girl and we both wish you the best of luck with that"

 

I couldn't do it in front of him, do you blame me? Would you want to kill a defenseless puppy? He has yet to reply but I think it would have been more painful for him if I was there. I honestly think it was better for him to do it like this.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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While it wasn't ideal, the manner you ultimately used (writing a note rather than telling him face to face) was way better than all of the ideas you had previously. Good for you for finally pulling the trigger.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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I couldn't do it in front of him, do you blame me? Would you want to kill a defenseless puppy? He has yet to reply but I think it would have been more painful for him if I was there. I honestly think it was better for him to do it like this.

 

 

 

 

No, it was better for you.

 

 

Now, back to Priv. Yeah, you can't use the "T" word, that's a big no, no here. Believe me I got spank for it, so I'm just warning you now. You might end up getting suspended for a while.

lauri Established Member

lauri

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Arg...so now he thinks you have been cheating on him and want to be with another guy.

 

Either way, it is over. I hope you realize that you're decision is final and there is nothing you can do to change it. You're doing him a favour because now he can focus on some girl who is going to treat him really well.

 

When he calls, because he will, explain to him the truth and tell him although this is going to hurt him you are doing him a favour rather then lying and playing games. Then after that, explain to him you will not talk to him anymore to not lead him on and hurt him anymore then he needs to be hurt.

  • Like 1
April Moon Established Member

April Moon

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This might sound silly but what if he didn't get the note. Once people return DVDs to me, I typically don't look at it for months later...

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Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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This might sound silly but what if he didn't get the note. Once people return DVDs to me, I typically don't look at it for months later...

 

 

 

I agree, so the last thing he heard was that she had a date. So, now he's confused and scratching his head. But, at least he knows she's was cheating on him.

 

 

Hell, this whole thread has me scratching MY head.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I was thinking the same thing. I got some DVDs back from a friend last week and I just put them back in the cabinet. Poor guy. If he didn't get the note, he's probably breaking his brain trying to figure who the "friend" is and what to do next.

 

At this point an email would have been much better. Or a note in an envelope that way he knows to open it. SMH.

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destroyed4sho Established Member

destroyed4sho

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If you start to altering your personality towards him, it will confuse him more and possible make him more depressed, anxious...and unstable since he is fragile. It seems like you dont want to be honest? You have to ask yourself why? Is it because you feel like you were being fake and dishonest. Your plan sounds like torture.

You need to tell him straight, politely and honestly why you do not want to be with him any longer. He probably senses something already.

Please do not torture someone who is bound to get hurt regardless.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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If you dont feel for him the way he feels fro you you need to say it , it is always goign to hurt a sweet shy person, i am actually one myself so , in that respect i cannot be with anyone who isnt sweet adn shy, because two peopel who are simliar in nature and design soemhow just get each other i feel this, i have ben on meds i am better of without them and handle my sweet side with resolve to find the guy who is the same in heart mind and spirit as me....not easy as i am a multiple personality...i know this guy he is on meds at the mopemnt he shouldnt be he is like me(part of me he is not a multiiple he is just sweet and incredibly shy and he acts otherwise), he is sweet and shy and become part of a world who doesnt get him.shrinks in other words or lack of confidence..........but i do....on many levels

 

 

set him free he is not for you, do not hesitate...sweet and shy is in no way weak, we are actually survivors......we will always be able to fidn teh sweet in life, because we are it, and it is attractive...so is a certain amount of shyness,because it elicits kindness in others towards us.....people dont want to hurt us, but it happens.you are not bad , we also attract bad unforunately they are the ones who want to hang on sometimes for too long and drag us down, but we just bounce back ..some bad people can actually change normally after we leave..we take the time to heal however long that is

 

you are good for wanting to end it.....do so gently and with thoughtful manners never point out nothers flaws point out your own to why you cannot stay ...it helps a lot in the healing process with a sweet and shy person actually makes them more resolved to stay sweet..................deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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Mondmellonw Established Member

Mondmellonw

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I seriously hope this is a joke.

And if it's not, then what a shame.

I actually saw another thread similar to this one, about another girl wanting to dump her bf but not knowing how to do it...

And I just thought: seriously, do you come here to post this?

 

 

At least I know there are a few good guys out there. I don't want to be judgmental or insulting, but you really made him a favor, OP.

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