Dpendley Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I'll make this as short as I can. But please read..help!! So I meet this girl thur one of my best friends she was her cousin. We exchanged numbers and talked for a few months. Note that we did not see each other during this time. So she finally came to see me and we hit it off. We both have been married and both have kids ( girls age 6). Fast forward 6 months things are great and we take it to the next level. She moves in with me. Gives up her whole life. I own my home and she rented. Plus I can't move away from my child which she understood. Things are great I have found my soul mate we talk about getting married havering another child...etc. then we find out she has skin cancer and it's bad. I tell no matter what I'm not going anywhere. She has surgery but it comes at a cost Her chest is deformed. So my dad loans us the money to have it fixed. They all loved her as we'll. so I still thinking things are good but then money gets tight she starts school full time plus work and I get put on a work schedule and have 2 days off a month. We grow apart and feel more like room mates. Thing continue to go down hill and she finally tells me she's having thoughts about going home. I am in shock. I tell her that we can fix things if we want we just have to do it. So we take a trip to Mexico for her cousins wedding hoping to piece thing back together. It di help but we never had any alone time and it made things difficult. So we come and the next day she leave for Florida on a business trip(which I was not happy about cause she have to go). And while she was there we have huge fight. Mostly my fault. She comes back and thing get worse. She finally tells me that she is leaving I lose it an beg her to give me another chance.nee talk all night and she agrees to keep trying. A few days later I stop and get flowers and a bottle of wine for her. I come home give it to her and she breaks down and leaves with my sister. They come back she once again she says she leaving. I don't even try at this point I'm mad and just leave it be. The next day we discuss what to do. She can't leave for at least a month cause her daughter is still in school. After word things completely change she smiles and act like she wants to be around me still calls thur the day tells me she loves me. Our sex life improves ten fold. But she says that she must go. She says it the hardest thing she's ever had to do. So the day comes for her to move. I go to work and she calls crying and telling me how much she loves me and all that jazz. So now she gone she still calls every day we act as if we are still together. I warn her back more than anything in this world. But she is so back and forth. I don't know which way is up or down. She has come to see me twice sense she left. And she has put herself in a financial strain like no other. She tells me that she is confused she glad to be back but misses being here with me. We've talked about doing the NC thing but she said she's not sure if that's what she wants. She says that there might be a future for us but she doesn't know. Basically all I get from is I don't know and I'm unsure. What should I do. I'm not going to be strung along but at this point I still have hope. I have been totally honest how I feel and so has she. Please someone help I'm at a total loss. I want to be with her I'm just not sure how to make it happen or if I'm just wasting time and should move on. Thanks for y'all's help!
kane30us Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) I think you need to move on. That's my opinion. I know it hurts but, its going to hurt more if she keeps doing this push pull retinue because its going to be harder for you to move on and need to have some stability in your life. Its no ones fault it seems both of you just grew apart. If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt you for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. And you will love stronger and appreciate that person who really wants to be with you. Edited June 10, 2014 by kane30us
gj13 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I think you need to move on. That's my opinion. I know it hurts but, its going to hurt more if she keeps doing this push pull retinue because its going to be harder for you to move on and need to have some stability in your life. Its no ones fault it seems both of you just grew apart. If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt you for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. And you will love stronger and appreciate that person who really wants to be with you. I can vouch for this. The push and pull only ends up hurting way more than NC in the first chance. I've been there and i promise you i suffered way more from those 4 months than the first few days of NC. It's just not worth it, and eventually you'll regain a sense of comfort and calm (even if the sadness takes longer to fade) because that emotional rollercoaster is just too much to bear. 1
Chi townD Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 She's unsure if NC is what SHE wants?!?! Sorry, but NC isn't for her. It's for you to heal and move on. Look, she made the choice to leave. Not you. She made the choice to have you out of her life, not you. She made the choice to uproot herself and move back, not you. Therefore, she can't dictate whether you go into NC or not. That's YOUR choice. Start NC on her. She needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. That you are no longer her sounding board, that you are no longer her cornerstone or shoulder to lean on, BY HER OWN CHOICE!!! Do not tell her that you're starting NC, just do it. Ignore all of the breadcrumbs. If you get them, do not respond and post here instead. The ONLY thing you should respond to is I'm sorry. I was wrong and I'll do anything to have you back. That's it. Anything else is breadcrumbs. Also, delete her off of your social media and BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK!
kane30us Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Have you tried communicated with her? What I'm talking about - all her indecisiveness is driving you crazy and its not good for your emotional health. Tell her you want her back and you need to make a choice if not, then you both need to move on. She's playing games with your emotions. I don't think she's doing it to be hurtful. I think she's not sure of what she want's. And you're caught in the middle of that.
Author Dpendley Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Have you tried communicated with her? What I'm talking about - all her indecisiveness is driving you crazy and its not good for your emotional health. Tell her you want her back and you need to make a choice if not, then you both need to move on. She's playing games with your emotions. I don't think she's doing it to be hurtful. I think she's not sure of what she want's. And you're caught in the middle of that. Yes we've talked about it. And I've told her how I feel about things. She has admitted that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. She said that the last few months I changed and I won't lie between money no time together and just life in general I did turn into someone I don't like. But that's not who I am and she's knows that. And of corse I didn't realize it and said she tried to talk to me but she swept most of it under the rug and we all know where that goes. I told her I was willing to give it some time but that time would run out. Plus if I do the NC not only do I lose her but her daughter as well and that makes thing even worse. I feel like this is one of those the grass is greener on the other side that and she wants her cake and eat it too.
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