sean2345 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I have been talking to a girl now for around 3 months.. we get along great but we haven't consistently seen each other because of traveling between the two of us. We are getting to the point of becoming exclusive and she has hinted at it on a few occasions. I am very interested in her but I do not love her yet. I feel we just haven't done enough together to find out. I am just wondering if it is normal to commit to a girl before you love her?
Gaeta Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 What is your definition of committing? Are we talking being exclusive here? You do not need to be in love to agree on exclusivity. I don't know anyone who waited to fall in love to ask for exclusivity. I don't think love can grow without first exclusivity and some commitment to spend time together. You don't fall in love with someone by seeing them a few times through 3 months, you fall in love by spending quality time together and concentrating on each other. 3
Author sean2345 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 What is your definition of committing? Are we talking being exclusive here? You do not need to be in love to agree on exclusivity. I don't know anyone who waited to fall in love to ask for exclusivity. I don't think love can grow without first exclusivity and some commitment to spend time together. You don't fall in love with someone by seeing them a few times through 3 months, you fall in love by spending quality time together and concentrating on each other. Yes im talking about being exclusive... sorry I didn't make that clear.
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Personally I would not fall in love with someone unless they were committed to me first. That's just stupid.
mammasita Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 No, you don't have to be "in love" to be exclusive although IMO you should have an inkling about whether or not this is a person you could potentially fall in love with..... ....otherwise you find yourself 2 years in and telling this woman who is madly in love with you "I don't know what the future holds" and "I can't make any promises" 1
MissBee Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 What is your definition of committing? Are we talking being exclusive here? You do not need to be in love to agree on exclusivity. I don't know anyone who waited to fall in love to ask for exclusivity. I don't think love can grow without first exclusivity and some commitment to spend time together. You don't fall in love with someone by seeing them a few times through 3 months, you fall in love by spending quality time together and concentrating on each other. Pretty much. I have never fallen in love first then committed, but rather how it works for me is: I see potential, I see someone with most of the qualities I'm looking for in a partner, I like them a lot, we decide to be exclusive and make a commitment to getting to know each other and form a relationship and then the love grows from there....or it doesn't and you move forward.
Mrin Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 When I have had love first and the went exclusive it wasn't love. It was puppy love or lust. Sometimes I've gone exclusive right off the bat - unspoken but understood - but that's just because I had no interest in seeing anyone else but her. But I wasn't in love at the moment I choose to not see anyone else. That came later. Oh ya I married her and had 12 good years. We made two amazing children together and she's still one of my very best friends.
marcjb Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I think the OP is confusing love with infatuation. Infatuation is not a choice, love is.
mammasita Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I think the OP is confusing love with infatuation. Infatuation is not a choice, love is. Disagree. Falling in love is not a choice but staying in love is. 1
marcjb Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Disagree. Falling in love is not a choice but staying in love is. What do you think infatuation is?
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I need to be attracted to want to be exclusive. I need to be exclusive to determine if I love the person. Love at least for me, requires a level of trust that develops over time & includes sex. I won't have sex without exclusivity. So yes, to me it seems perfectly reasonable to be exclusive then fall in love. If you see no potential for falling in love, there is no need to become exclusive. Bailing out early in that situation is ultimately kinder, imho.
mammasita Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 What do you think infatuation is? A temporary state of being completely lost in emotion and uncontrollable desire. That's NOT falling in love. Falling in love is intimacy and physical chemistry combined with lasting emotion and desire. You can be infatuated without love.
giblesp Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 There are no rules, but based on my experience I wouldn't commit without being in love. Something will be missing and she'll feel it. If you don't love her by now, you probably wont. Best for her not to go there unless you love her.
marcjb Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 You can be infatuated without love. Of course, because infatuation and love, as I mentioned are different. Love is a choice and infatuation is not, but "falling in love" is the same thing as the infatuation, or the "romance" stage of a relationship. Any form of actual love, which is a choice, does not happen until after the first stage of a relationship. 5 stages of a relationship
Recommended Posts