starla33 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) So back story that I posted about here previously as well: Guy started being less sweet and taking his time to text me back after we had sex while before was getting back to me instantly. I tried to end it with him before going on vacation and he wouldn't let me and was very adamant about seeing me again. He asked a few times if I was back while I was away. I got back and am crazy as hell jetlagged (which apparently makes me delerious and a bit crazy impatient...great time to have these conversations ) I texted him and asked him to hang out during the day. 8 hours and no response so I texted again and he said hes still at work and to calm down. Maybe I am crazy here, but I honestly don't think someone that is super excited about me being back after weeks and is really into me is all of a sudden going to wait that long to get back to me? So I ended it then and there saying the same thing I was trying to tell him before about him acting different. I feel pretty crappy about the whole situation and I know technically it is a little off dumping someone for not responding for 8 hours without 2 texts (but come on if their actions did complete 180 something is up right?) A friend mentioned that as soon as I really like someone I try to find something wrong with them and end it which makes me wonder about this....but if someone seems like they lost/losing interested I don't get how I'm supposed to stick around. Edited June 10, 2014 by starla33
PegNosePete Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Have patience... only 1 hour since you posted! Maybe he really was busy at work. But it seems like you feel something is off with him. You should follow your gut. It is seldom wrong. You're not dumping him because he didn't text back within 8 hours, you're dumping him because his behaviour has changed and you no longer want to be with him. There is nothing crazy about that. 1
Author starla33 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) Have patience... only 1 hour since you posted! Maybe he really was busy at work. But it seems like you feel something is off with him. You should follow your gut. It is seldom wrong. You're not dumping him because he didn't text back within 8 hours, you're dumping him because his behaviour has changed and you no longer want to be with him. There is nothing crazy about that. I really liked him, but yes I said previously his behavior changed with the whole leaving me hanging. Who knows maybe he suddenly after sex got super busy and decided to take hours to respond instead of minutes like he used to before. ha ha that just doesn't make sense to me. I'm a firm believer in consistency in peoples actions and as soon as something is drastically different like this communication pattern it makes me wonder. It just makes me really sad that he seemed like he wanted to see me. As soon as I offered it up he left me hanging. He has lunch breaks and bathroom breaks at work so really NOT that busy. Edited June 10, 2014 by starla33
clia Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Maybe I am crazy here, but I honestly don't think someone that is super excited about me being back after weeks and is really into me is all of a sudden going to wait that long to get back to me? How do you know he had even seen your message during those eight hours? I rarely even look at my cell phone when I'm at work. It really doesn't matter anyway, since you already ended it, but I think you completely jumped the gun. Have a little patience next time. 2
Author starla33 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) How do you know he had even seen your message during those eight hours? I rarely even look at my cell phone when I'm at work. It really doesn't matter anyway, since you already ended it, but I think you completely jumped the gun. Have a little patience next time. From how he previously acted to how he was acting after is how I know. I agree with you my patience level was non existent since I can't even think straight with the lack of sleep (not sure was I supposed to apologize about that to him? Doesn't really matter at this point.) I do feel torn and yea maybe I jumped the gun, but I just see a huge change in the way he communicates with me which I don't like one bit. Edited June 10, 2014 by starla33
mercuryshadow Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 If something is noticeably off, run with it. I'm not saying it's healthy to jump to conclusions or to assume the worst, but if his behavior has changed and it makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, it is probably not a relationship worth pursuing, at least until something changes for the better (but don't push for it.) Pull back a bit. I recall something similar happening to me a few years back. I started seeing a guy somewhat casually, and he was very into me. I went on vacation for a week, and he kept messaging me while I was away, asking if I was back yet, as he wanted to see me. When I did get home, his attitude had changed. He was luke-warm. He did ask to see me, but ended up standing me up at the last minute. I came to find out that I was just a Band-Aid for him; he was not over his ex and needed someone new and exciting to occupy his time. At that point, I was hurt, but only because I'd felt led on. Luckily, I was not very invested, but hey, lesson learned. 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 So you can go away for 2 weeks but he cant take any longer than 8 hours to reply to a message? x I am a bitch when Im tired so I get it but you have kinda overreacted... which I probably would too being jet lagged! x
Atticus9292012 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 You might have overreacted. He could have been at work. He could have been sleeping. He could have been sick. I mean its texting. I hate texting sometimes, but it is the world we live in. Why didn't you pick up the phone and call him? Sometimes people ignore text messages for lack of a good response or he didn't know his schedule yet, etc. BUT if you ended it via text (which I hope you didn't, but been there done that so no judgment here) he would at least responded to that with something if he gave a crap. He just would. 1
DArtagnan2 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I dated someone who based any feelings I had on how long it took me to text her back. Some days at work, I am sitting there staring at the walls for a few hours, sometimes, I have to lock up my phone outside of my duty station because wireless devices aren't allowed, other days, especially after I get back from the field, I have a butt load of paperwork, meetings and other stuff to do and don't really have time to text every other minute while I am working. She actually told me a few times what my response time average was. But regardless of all the other stuff I did for her and her child or said to her or was there for her, it didn't matter, the response time to her texts outweighed anything else, caused her to break up with me as well as few times, caused countless conversation about my feelings for her and ultimately, it ended the relationship. Just because someone's pattern is not consistent all the time when it comes to texting, most times, has NO bearing on what they feel for you. Try to use another way to gauge his feelings versus something so trivial like the response time for a text message. Im mean no disrespect but its ridiculous. 1
KathyM Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Eight hours is pretty long to not be responding to text messages, especially if he was always responding promptly before. Sounds like he's decided you are not primary relationship material, but he's going to string you along on his terms as a back up plan/booty call while he continues to look for Miss Right. Another possibility is that he's just interested in sex, and once he got what he wanted, he's spending his time/efforts on the next conquest. A third possibility is that he's playing games by being hot/cold because he read in some dumb place that that's the way to get a woman hooked on you. I'm guessing it's one of those three scenarios. Either way, it sounds like this guy is not worth keeping around. 2
MidwestUSA Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 It just makes me really sad that he seemed like he wanted to see me. As soon as I offered it up he left me hanging. He has lunch breaks and bathroom breaks at work so really NOT that busy. I know exactly what I use my bathroom breaks at work for. Really, you come off as demanding and hyper reactive. It's almost as if you're TRYING to drive them off after you have sex. Either that, or you're subjecting them to some sort of test. Chill.
Author starla33 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Eight hours is pretty long to not be responding to text messages, especially if he was always responding promptly before. Sounds like he's decided you are not primary relationship material, but he's going to string you along on his terms as a back up plan/booty call while he continues to look for Miss Right. Another possibility is that he's just interested in sex, and once he got what he wanted, he's spending his time/efforts on the next conquest. A third possibility is that he's playing games by being hot/cold because he read in some dumb place that that's the way to get a woman hooked on you. I'm guessing it's one of those three scenarios. Either way, it sounds like this guy is not worth keeping around. This is exactly how I felt and agree with all this 100%. I don't think some people here are getting that it's more than the 8 hour response time thing at this point. It's the fact that it was not like this before at all and became like this only after sex. Before I got good morning texts etc. 1
Author starla33 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) I dated someone who based any feelings I had on how long it took me to text her back. Some days at work, I am sitting there staring at the walls for a few hours, sometimes, I have to lock up my phone outside of my duty station because wireless devices aren't allowed, other days, especially after I get back from the field, I have a butt load of paperwork, meetings and other stuff to do and don't really have time to text every other minute while I am working. She actually told me a few times what my response time average was. But regardless of all the other stuff I did for her and her child or said to her or was there for her, it didn't matter, the response time to her texts outweighed anything else, caused her to break up with me as well as few times, caused countless conversation about my feelings for her and ultimately, it ended the relationship. Just because someone's pattern is not consistent all the time when it comes to texting, most times, has NO bearing on what they feel for you. Try to use another way to gauge his feelings versus something so trivial like the response time for a text message. Im mean no disrespect but its ridiculous. I totally understand this, but his job is not that demanding as far as going in field etc goes. Our only mode of communication was texting which is obviously not going to work for me in the long run since there were no phone calls nothing. I'm not a needy person, but seeing as how I wanted to end it and he wouldn't let me and then he pulled a let me make u wait all day thing...it just yells not interested or playing games to me. Edited June 10, 2014 by starla33
Sriracha Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Just because someone's pattern is not consistent all the time when it comes to texting, most times, has NO bearing on what they feel for you. Try to use another way to gauge his feelings versus something so trivial like the response time for a text message. Im mean no disrespect but its ridiculous. THIS. I agree 100%
Author starla33 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 THIS. I agree 100% If you are super excited to see someone you haven't seen in ages you are not going to wait all day to respond to them. Excuse me, I mean all day and them texting you again 8 hours later for a response. I'm sure of this for myself 100%. Totally fine if you disagree with this. 1
DArtagnan2 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 You are entitled to run the relationship you are in the way you want. You use your own perceptions and thoughts to determine what is important to you and what isnt. His text to you quickly is important to you, he must not have thought it was that important. Two different values on one thing will not make a good relationship if someone can't or wont compromise. I hope you can find someone that can be as responsive as you need them to be. 1
lil_missy Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 hi starla, i used to make excuses for a guy taking 8hrs to reply a msg, sometimes even a few days. thinking he was either been passive-aggresive or just not looking at his phone. but in the end i realised he only saw me as a booty call and not a priority at all. he did not want to end things either but it did not mean he cared bout me. its taken me so long to understand the clique " guys are simple, if a guy likes you, you will know it and feel it for sure." its really that simple. but i understand a girl not wanting to give up and thinking if she hangs in there something may change. the decision to let go has to come from within when ur ready. 3
Sriracha Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 If you are super excited to see someone you haven't seen in ages you are not going to wait all day to respond to them. Excuse me, I mean all day and them texting you again 8 hours later for a response. I'm sure of this for myself 100%. Totally fine if you disagree with this. Look, if I haven't seen someone in ages, I would CALL them and tell them how excited I am to see them. If I got their voice email, I would tell them how excited I was to see them and ask them to call me as soon as they get the chance. And yeah, I'd probably follow up with a text expressing the same sentiment. Sending them a nonchalant text saying "hey you want to hang" and then getting pissed because he "should be excited and text you back ASAP" isn't fair to anyone. If you feel apprehensive about expressing such a vulnerable sentiment because you're not sure he's serious about you and you truly cannot trust that his reason for delayed texting has nothing to do with how he feels about you, then that means you guys have a bigger problem than just him taking a long time to respond to your text. Perhaps you should just move on. 1
Author starla33 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Look, if I haven't seen someone in ages, I would CALL them and tell them how excited I am to see them. If I got their voice email, I would tell them how excited I was to see them and ask them to call me as soon as they get the chance. And yeah, I'd probably follow up with a text expressing the same sentiment. Sending them a nonchalant text saying "hey you want to hang" and then getting pissed because he "should be excited and text you back ASAP" isn't fair to anyone. If you feel apprehensive about expressing such a vulnerable sentiment because you're not sure he's serious about you and you truly cannot trust that his reason for delayed texting has nothing to do with how he feels about you, then that means you guys have a bigger problem than just him taking a long time to respond to your text. Perhaps you should just move on. yea i said in my first post that I ended it then and there.
Imajerk17 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) starla, your threads read like groundhog day. They're all the same basically. After all this time, you still keep doing the same thing over and over again (acting impulsively, and then not taking responsibility for your dating issues). And it still isn't working for you. Yes you overreacted. You suspect this yourself (even though you insist you didn't) which is why you posted in the first place. Thing is though, I'm not sure if this was your biggest mistake or if it was you sleeping with him too soon (not true for everyone but it hasn't worked out well for you yet) or a bad people-picker in the first place. Whatever it is though, until you learn to think your actions through and take responsibility, you are going to keep going through this. Edited June 11, 2014 by Imajerk17 1
Author starla33 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 starla, your threads read like groundhog day. They're all the same basically. After all this time, you still keep doing the same thing over and over again (acting impulsively, and then not taking responsibility for your dating issues). And it still isn't working for you. Yes you overreacted. You suspect this yourself (even though you insist you didn't) which is why you posted in the first place. Thing is though, I'm not sure if this was your biggest mistake or if it was you sleeping with him too soon (not true for everyone but it hasn't worked out well for you yet) or a bad people-picker in the first place. Whatever it is though, until you learn to think your actions through and take responsibility, you are going to keep going through this. I waited quite a while to sleep with him actually so can you stop blaming everything on sleeping with people? And over reacting you mean ditching a guy that was not treating me how I want to be treated? OK
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