Swan89 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) I was dating a girl for 5 months and it didn't go well and in the end, she wanted nothing to do with me because I bugged her. Basically, she couldn't fulfil my emotional needs and we didn't communicate well so I got mad at her for silly things. It's about 5-6 weeks from the breakup and last night, I drove to my now ex girlfriend's house and I sent a short apology letter, (no begging or being needy or anything) This morning though, she sent me an angry Facebook message saying what possessed me to go to her house and that I need to leave her alone, that I'm a creep, pathetic, an a ss hole, etc. I realise she has no compassion or understanding that this was a nice, heartfelt thing for me to do and go out of my way- but she didn't see it that way! She's one of those people that holds grudges too. I realise that she is a coldhearted, shallow person and that I need to move on and find a girl that is warm and passionate like me. In hindsight, I'm glad I did it because it allows her to see my remorse, I was being eaten up by it. I knew anyway that there was no chance of getting back with her because she wouldn't acknowledge me whenever I passed her near work. So I guess I figured I had nothing to lose by sending it. I know I've made thing worse now but what I did isn't BAD. If I thought there wasn't any chance that she might see me in a better light for it, then I wouldn't have sent it but I had a feeling there was a strong chance she'd react the way she did. She's only 20 so she's bound to think like an unenlightened teenager anyway... Anyone else had a bad experience when contacting an ex? Edited June 10, 2014 by Swan89
thefooloftheyear Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) I was dating a girl for 5 months and it didn't go well and in the end, she wanted nothing to do with me because I bugged her. Basically, she couldn't fulfil my emotional needs and we didn't communicate well so I got mad at her for silly things. It's about 5-6 weeks from the breakup and last night, I drove to my now ex girlfriend's house and I sent a short apology letter, (no begging or being needy or anything) This morning though, she sent me an angry Facebook message saying what possessed me to go to her house and that I need to leave her alone, that I'm a creep, pathetic, an a ss hole, etc. I realise she has no compassion or understanding that this was a nice, heartfelt thing for me to do and go out of my way- but she didn't see it that way! She's one of those people that holds grudges too. I realise that she is a coldhearted, shallow person and that I need to move on and find a girl that is warm and passionate like me. In hindsight, I'm glad I did it because it allows her to see my remorse, I was being eaten up by it. I knew anyway that there was no chance of getting back with her because she wouldn't acknowledge me whenever I passed her near work. So I guess I figured I had nothing to lose by sending it. I know I've made thing worse now but what I did isn't BAD. If I thought there wasn't any chance that she might see me in a better light for it, then I wouldn't have sent it but I had a feeling there was a strong chance she'd react the way she did. She's only 20 so she's bound to think like an unenlightened teenager anyway... Anyone else had a bad experience when contacting an ex? Im sorry, man.I know you didnt mean it, but its a bit creepy..You are stalking...And no woman is going to find that ok and be understanding.. You shouldnt be glad you did it..It was weak and creepy..Apologize for what? She dropped you on your head and you are saying you're sorry? Huh?? Have some dignity...Be a man..Dont ever let a woman turn you into a groveling weenie... .02 TFY Edited June 10, 2014 by thefooloftheyear
Author Swan89 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Im sorry, man.I know you didnt mean it, but its a bit creepy..You are stalking...And no woman is going to find that ok and be understanding.. You shouldnt be glad you did it..It was weak and creepy..Apologize for what? She dropped you on your head and you are saying you're sorry? Huh?? Have some dignity...Be a man..Dont ever let a woman turn you into a groveling weenie... .02 TFY Do you think it would have been less creepy if I had sent it through the mail?
TXGuy Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Do you think it would have been less creepy if I had sent it through the mail? Less creepy, but still creepy. Once a girl dumps you, you should not contact her again. Don't even apologize for your past behavior. She doesn't care about it any more and neither should you. Brush yourself off and move on. By the way, if you are in the US, she can get a restraining order on you if she wants to get vindictive. The give those out to women like candy. All she has to do is ask for one.
Always Pondering Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Once a girl dumps you, you should not contact her again. Don't even apologize for your past behavior. She doesn't care about it any more and neither should you. Yes and also on LS, there is an enormous amount of stories of dumpees breaking NC by contacting the ex and getting hurt. The title may as well be: "Ever tried to contact an ex and NOT have it end badly for you?" There are cases and exceptions but in more cases than not, I believe it "ends badly".
XTiffanyX Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Firstly... You set yourself up for a huge fall by sending that letter. It's a shame that you didn't confide in a friend or family member before sending it maybe they would have talked you out of it... This behaviour isn't healthy. You need to STOP now before you get into trouble. As mentioned :This could easily get you a restraining order in the US. Why...? I have to question what made you think that this was an acceptable thing to do...? This behavioural trait has possibly been nurtured somewhere along the line. I'd stake a guess that you've had previous partners who presented you with multiple chances regardless of you behaviour? If you treated them badly or misbehaved you could perhaps win them over easily with a gesture like an apology letter? I witnessed this behaviour with my ex. He would not accept rejection and break ups drove him crazy even if he wasn't keen on the person he found it impossible to let go. It all stemmed from one ex girlfriend who tolerated his cr*p for 6 years. He assumed that everyone else would be as accommodating and forgiving. *Im not suggesting that you're in any way as bad as him but there could be a similar issue here present in your inability to let go* The logic... You thought that by taking all of the blame for the failing of the relationship you could somehow make it work. It doesn't matter how hard you try you cannot force love ; compatibility and connection. It's the equivalent of trying to make a square peg fit a round hole. Moving forward... Learn from this experience and focus on healing yourself. Don't take her harsh words too literally. It certainly doesn't sound like you've suffered any great loss by not having her in your life. You will find someone who is warm like yourself and appreciates your gestures and sensitivity.
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 By your own post, she broke up with you because you "bugged her" and you said she didn't "fulfill your emotional needs." You also admit that you got mad at her for silly things. Then a month & a half after you broke up you show up at her house. . . . bad idea. Yeah, she's not the one with the problem here. Before you date again, you need to do some serious soul searching. You need to be at peace with yourself to have a positive happy relationship. You can't get your emotional needs met outside. If you are having trouble communicating with your SO, change your communication style -- you adapt to them. (both parties should be working toward this same goal; if only one of you is trying it won't work) Sending your EX the letter via mail would not have changed the outcome but it would have only been sad, not creepy. Leave her be.
SomeHeart Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 You knew what kind of person she was before doing this. Was she sending you apology letters for being cold, not fulfilling your emotional needs or generally destroying your self esteem? No. She cut you off without a second thought. You just gave her one last bullet to finish you off.
Shaun-Dro Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I was dating a girl for 5 months and it didn't go well and in the end, she wanted nothing to do with me because I bugged her. Basically, she couldn't fulfil my emotional needs and we didn't communicate well so I got mad at her for silly things. It's about 5-6 weeks from the breakup and last night, I drove to my now ex girlfriend's house and I sent a short apology letter, (no begging or being needy or anything) This morning though, she sent me an angry Facebook message saying what possessed me to go to her house and that I need to leave her alone, that I'm a creep, pathetic, an a ss hole, etc. I realise she has no compassion or understanding that this was a nice, heartfelt thing for me to do and go out of my way- but she didn't see it that way! She's one of those people that holds grudges too. I realise that she is a coldhearted, shallow person and that I need to move on and find a girl that is warm and passionate like me. In hindsight, I'm glad I did it because it allows her to see my remorse, I was being eaten up by it. I knew anyway that there was no chance of getting back with her because she wouldn't acknowledge me whenever I passed her near work. So I guess I figured I had nothing to lose by sending it. I know I've made thing worse now but what I did isn't BAD. If I thought there wasn't any chance that she might see me in a better light for it, then I wouldn't have sent it but I had a feeling there was a strong chance she'd react the way she did. She's only 20 so she's bound to think like an unenlightened teenager anyway... Anyone else had a bad experience when contacting an ex? Absolutely and more than once. Their attitude to me reaching out to them for a second chance reminded me why they became my ex in the first place.
Recommended Posts