dlz Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 (edited) hey guys! First of all, sorry for the long message.. just need to let it all out. this is my first time posting here. ive been lurking on this site the past few weeks and it's helped me tremendously. it gives me a lot of hope and it makes me happy to see so many users on here being able to successfully move on and be happy with their lives after a terrible breakup. i've been trying to cope with everything and i'm finding it incredibly hard to deal with it even though it's been almost 2 months of NC (just recently blocked the ex on fb as well). when will it ever get better? although i know i deserve better, i just can't shake this feeling of sadness away. sometimes i sit there crying for hours and blame myself for everything even though i'm trying SO hard to be happy and do things for myself/hang out with friends/ go out etc. i know it's really unhealthy to think whether he will regret it or whether he is suffering too, but it's just so hard not to think that. just a bit of a background: we are both 21 and we were each other's first serious bf/gf and we were also each other's best friend. we were dating for about a year until i had a fallout with my family and he was never there to support me emotionally. he grew distant when i suffered from depression where i was just feeling indifferent/apathetic about everything. the thing is, i think he only loved me when i was happy, because when i went through that phase he told me he was no longer in love with me and had no desire to put in effort. and after a month of trying to get those 'passionate' in love feelings back, i couldn't deal with a bf like that and broke it off. he was going to live overseas for a year anyway to study and i couldn't have any of that. came back after a month of LC telling me it was a mistake and that when i had depression, he built a wall up because he got scared i didn't love him anymore and that he loved me so much and i was his everything, and that he didnt realise how lucky he was. anyway, i stupidly got back with him. by this time we were in an LDR relationship (roughly 8-9 months before 2nd breakup). i actually flew across the ocean to visit him for 5 weeks in europe!! things weren't really the same as the feelings of hurt and resentment were still there, but i did put in 2x the amount of effort compared to the first time. i would always send him messages every day telling him about my day etc, send him gifts, made lots of time and effort to skype even though we were both studying and i had work. i wasn't even jealous or possessive or anything - i wanted him to have fun with friends over there, travel a lot and go to lots of places. i placed a lot of trust in him. we never fought (i guess that was kind of a bad thing?). he would take forever to reply though and never made an effort at all. didn't even bother sending me a letter or a postcard or anything. i brought it up once that he was not making enough effort - he said sorry but obviously didn't try fixing that. i was also going through a rough period both at uni and work, and my life felt like a routine - guess what? unhappy me = no longer the happy gf he fell in love with. then 2 months ago, all of a sudden after coming back from a trip with friends he started acting distant and when i asked him what was wrong, he broke up with me - and completely blindsided me. he said he was going through the motions and had no desire to try anymore. i told him to basically f off and that i can't be friends with him and that i never want to talk/see him anymore. i don't know how you could lie to your gf and tell them how much you love them, and then the next minute say the strong feelings are no longer there. it's a bit suspicious, really. the weird thing was, his feelings would always dictate his actions. so if those 'in love' feelings weren't there, then he WOULDN'T make an effort at all. he's coming back in about a month's time though after his year abroad is over so i wonder how things will turn out for him lol. i think i'm a pretty good catch, and it's probably his loss. kinda sucks though that there are selfish people out there who treat us like crap and never appreciate all the things we do for them. at least now i know what to expect with my next relationship and not to love stupidly again. he's probably going out to clubs and bars and having such a great time (he never was this type of person) while i'm here feeling so betrayed and upset about everything & STRUGGLING. Edited June 10, 2014 by dlz
Poppyolive Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I'm sorry you are hurting. You sound very mature and poised...however first loves and being so young these love times can fade. Traveling can open someone up and having a ltr whilst young & traveling is difficult. He hurt you and led you on, hugs. But you will be OK ....for sure. You will bring these learned lessons with you to future relationships. Don't worry about what he's doing. Why don't you make some fun plans? Traveling is great for the soul. Go get lost, try new things, treat yourself, take care of your heart. Cut all ties with him. Breathe!!! All is alright!
SpiritualAlchemy Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I'm so sorry you're going through this! Your first love seems to be one of the hardest to get over, and probably someone you'll never forget. You sound like a great catch! It's so his loss! You spoiled him, maybe too much, but don't worry, someone's coming in your future who will love you and return your generosity in full measure! You were certainly a lot more together than me over my first love break up, and without probably even knowing about NC, you implemented it by telling him you don't ever want to talk to him again! Clever! You're going to be okay! ((((Hugs))))
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