lostinlove0479 Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 Ok. It's been 3 wks since I actually talked to my guy. Background info: I put a post on here about 2 wks or so ago about me and my "b/f". We've been dating for the past 7 mths and everything has been fine. 3 wks ago he got a new position which switched his shift from 3-noon to rotating shifts starting between 6pm and 9pm and ending to 6am sometimes. Before he started this job we talked about the new hours and he said that he'd try to switch to day shift 10a-6 and get the same off days we both had b4. Not to mention off days. This has all been an adjustment for me b/c we work together (we met at work), and I'm so used to seeing him everyday at work (we even had the same off days b4). Now the first wk of his new position we spoke thru text. This of course bothered me cuz I couldn't understand y he wouldn't call but I was satisfied. Wk 2, text messages became quite scarce. I found myself sending him thinking of you texts, I sang on his vmail (I can sing) and thus and so. At the end of wk 2 (thursday), he sent me a text saying that his phone had been acting up and that he was turning it in for a new phone, for me not to call or text, he'd call me. Fine. I didn't call, except on Sat. (I'm pretty good at following directions)nite when I left him a voicemail message for him to call. I didn't receive any response until Monday afternoon he texted me telling me that he’d been going thru somethings and he apologized for not talking to me sooner. He told me that b/t his new schedule and the things going on that he barely had time for hisself. He hoped that I’d understand that it wasn’t that he didn’t like me nemore. I texted him back telling him to call and he said okay. But, he never did. The following day I called and left him a message (no answer of course) that it hurt my feelings in a way that he couldn’t talk to me b/c he is always someone I want to talk no matter what, and I told him that I was sorry I wasn’t that person for him. He responded back that it wasn’t that I wasn’t that person but when he has issues he feels uncomfortable talking to anyone about it. Now, I can understand not telling me the problem but ur still not really talking to me on the phone or whatevr. I told him to work out his problems and to call me when he felt like talking. That Wednesday, I got off work late and I passed by, everything seemed fine. I didn’t even really mention us not speaking, but I told him I missed him and he told me he missed me too. This past week he sent me a good morning message Sunday morning at 430am, and that night I sent him a goodnight text. He texted me goodnite honey. (That’s our pet name for eachother) I replied that I didn’t know I was still your honey and that I thought he traded me off of his team. He told me that he was in the process of reworking my contract to resign me. We went back and forth a bit more and that was the last time I heard from him. One wk from today actually. This past Wednesday I went a bit extreme but I sent him a message saying that I was tired of being neglected and that he should’ve been clearer what’s going on b/t us. I told him that he was obviously playing games and that he could continue to do him without me. Friday I called back and told him that I realized I was a bit harsh and unexpected with the whole don’t call me nemore you don’t care about me message but I felt that way at that time. I told him that I needed to talk to him for me b/c it’s obvious he doesn’t want to make time to talk to me which is fine. I just don’t want us to be mad. He never responded and today is Sunday. I also talked to one of his friends at work and she told me she’d spoken to him earlier that week. Which confused me, b/c how is it that he’s talking to other people and not me but it’s not me. I’m so confused. And I can’t stress that we’ve never had a problem like this b4. We’ve always been in constant communication and this has really taken me by surprise how non-responsive he is. We’ve had mini spats b4 where I’ve gotten mad and said don’t call me anymore, but he’s always communicated to me what the misunderstanding was and taken his blame in why I was tripping. Do you think that he doesn’t want to be bothered with me anymore? I don’t know what to think and it’s obvious that there’s nothing more I can do? Does this mean he doesn’t care? This is just not like him? If he didn’t have time y didn’t he just talk to me and tell me? I’m sooo very confused…I’ve had about 4 minor breakdowns in the past wk. I really can’t understand how he seemed so normal and now nothing. Nothing happened to my knowledge. I don’t know…any insight is appreciated.
Darkiya Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 In short, you're smothering him. Based on what you have posted here this is what I can observe from the situation and the behaviors between the two of you. Before when you were used to seeing him at work there was a catlyst between you, something extra for you both to share in the process. You may of had something to talk about besides each other or sometimes you may of been interupted for work-related stuff. With the change of shifts you were seeing less of him and you grew very anxious because of it. You were at a loss because your routine and comfort zone had been shifted to something unknown and you were not accustomed to it. You found that you needed his prescense more this way and in your anxiety you reached out for him more often and in more socially demanding way. It could be that your continous text messages or phone calls while he was at work was distracting and perhaps even deterring while he was trying to do his job. One huge mistake many girls make is to pester their man while he's working... I know my reaction when a guy calls me when I'm at work... I get annoyed. I may not express it as such but if it continues for more than a couple days any non-serious call or message will cause me to start avoiding their conversations all together. The sooner you become an annoyance the sooner you may find yourself without a boyfriend. My advice to you is to chill out. Get a hobby and calm down... what are you so afraid of? If he cares for you he'll call you soon enough and if not then perhaps it wasn't meant to be. Men like a chase, so don't make yourself so eagerly available. Get your own thing... and let him do the calling. If he doesn't call you in a week, go ahead and give him a little ring saying you were thinking of him and wanted to know if he wanted to do something over the weekend or whatever.... On a more innocent note he could just be busy trying to adjust his own schedule.. so let it go.
Author lostinlove0479 Posted February 14, 2005 Author Posted February 14, 2005 Perhaps you are correct D. Thanks. Well, I didn't mention this part I don't think but I called myself ending things b/c I felt ignored. I left him a message saying that I just didn't want us to be mad when we'd see eachother around work and that's the only reason i was calling. Then I sent a text saying that it wasn't right the way he was treating me by not saying anything and that he could never look me in the face again for ignoring me in such a way. In my mind, I kinda feel like, if in fact nothing is wrong and you are just adjusting or going thru something, wouldn't you just pick up a phone and stop my foolish reaction in its tracks. Call and say, "No bae, it's this and it's not you, calm down, I'll call you in a month,week,whatever". That's all I've been wanting from him. I'm now afraid that if you are right, he'll never call b/c he'll think I'm psycho, desperate bytch. I guess if he really cares, he'll look beyond that though, right?
Darkiya Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 Maybe, maybe not. Have you two truly been dating all that long? Compare it to the marriages that have lasted 7, 10, 20 years and then the couples finally get a divorce. This relationship of yours is a blink of an eye compared to many so if you're not careful sure he'll leave you. However that wouldn't be the end of the world either. You do sound like a desperate woman if you ask me.... and you need to chill. Like I said before--get a hobby. Most men worth their salt -like- a girl who is at least marginally independent. True there are a few who liked to be waited on hand and foot and obsessed over but... those are usually the types of guys you don't want to date too long anyway. If you do break up with him, don't do it over the phone. In fact... PUT THE PHONE DOWN... you seem attached to that little electronic device. Go up and see him sometime, or wait for him to call. Hey you can always make him lunch one day and bring it up to work. Even if he doesn't want it... it's the thought that counts right? If you can't cook.. well... don't attempt it.
Author lostinlove0479 Posted February 14, 2005 Author Posted February 14, 2005 Well, to assure you I'm far from desperate. Just comfortable with him. I like our relationship and how things were and I don't want to lose it. I saw great potential in us. And unfortunately, opportunities like this one come far and few between in the dating game. I must say the way I've acted with him is a first. Not that I'm defending myself, but I want you to give me as accurate an opinion as you can. I never realized how used to him I'd gotten. And like most people I don't want to be lonely, especially if the reason is something I could've prevented. Nevertheless, he is not the first and will not be the last if he so chooses to not call. Trust me, I've gone thru the pain of breaking up and missing a person, I survived it b4 and it always disappates with time and of course, a new guy. I just never want to be the cause of a breakup b/c I know that I'm a good woman. But, it's hard when the other person is ignoring the piss out a me...excuse my language. But, he has been iggin' me and maybe rightfully so in his mind. I just think that he may think he's working whatever out in his own time and he'll get to me later. I've grown impatient in love so it seems, but my impatience still doesnt make him call. One thing I've learned is you can't make anyone do what they want to do. oh yeah, i can cook. :-) thanks for ur help. u have been very wise. and I thank you.
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