rolandjon Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Hi everyone, I am a new poster but have been a reader of the forum for quite a while. I would appreciate some advise in my current situation. My ex girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago. She is going through personal stuff at the moment, going to therapy to sort some things about her child neglection; I truly do think and have no doubt that she cares a lot about me. I reached out to her via email 2 and half weeks after the break up. The breakup was not bad at all, crying in her part, I did not beg and just respected her decision. She took the email really well (i said that i was thinking of her, hope that she was doing well and that it would be good to see her if she was comfortable with it) she replied the same day saying that of course and that she would like to see me. We went for dinner last night and it went well, we catched up and talked about what was going on in our lives, me asking questions and she asking as well. We did not go in and discussed the relationship, I did apologized for some things I thought I could have done better but she said that I didn't need too since I was patient and understanding enough. There was no flirting in the date, but we did laugh and had are type of banter through the night. At the end of the night I did get a couple of hints from her when I was driving her to her house. She asked me what was my week looking like? I said that nothing special just work and working out, I asked her about hers and she said that just work and that she had Friday off. I did not say anything but I kinda think she was giving me a hint that she maybe would like to do something this Friday. When I dropped her off we hugged, kiss on the cheek, she said thank you and we both said that it was really going seeing each other. Before she got out she said that we could grab drinks before she goes on her trip if I wanted too (she leaves in a couple of weeks on a trip for a month). I said of course, it sounds good. I was thinking in texting her in a couple of days asking how she is and after that asking if she still is free on Friday, so we can go and have a drink? I do want her back and love her a lot, I do know she cares about me. I was planning on expressing her how I feel when I see her again, nothing over the top but to say that I have missed her, that we do share a special connection and that I think that there is still something here, that I am willing to take a step back and really hope that things do work out and that we end up getting back together when she is ready, taking things slow. If I can please can some advice in how to approach the situation I would appreciate it so much. Thank you, Roland
Alexjones1 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Hi everyone, I am a new poster but have been a reader of the forum for quite a while. I would appreciate some advise in my current situation. My ex girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago. She is going through personal stuff at the moment, going to therapy to sort some things about her child neglection; I truly do think and have no doubt that she cares a lot about me. I reached out to her via email 2 and half weeks after the break up. The breakup was not bad at all, crying in her part, I did not beg and just respected her decision. She took the email really well (i said that i was thinking of her, hope that she was doing well and that it would be good to see her if she was comfortable with it) she replied the same day saying that of course and that she would like to see me. We went for dinner last night and it went well, we catched up and talked about what was going on in our lives, me asking questions and she asking as well. We did not go in and discussed the relationship, I did apologized for some things I thought I could have done better but she said that I didn't need too since I was patient and understanding enough. There was no flirting in the date, but we did laugh and had are type of banter through the night. At the end of the night I did get a couple of hints from her when I was driving her to her house. She asked me what was my week looking like? I said that nothing special just work and working out, I asked her about hers and she said that just work and that she had Friday off. I did not say anything but I kinda think she was giving me a hint that she maybe would like to do something this Friday. When I dropped her off we hugged, kiss on the cheek, she said thank you and we both said that it was really going seeing each other. Before she got out she said that we could grab drinks before she goes on her trip if I wanted too (she leaves in a couple of weeks on a trip for a month). I said of course, it sounds good. I was thinking in texting her in a couple of days asking how she is and after that asking if she still is free on Friday, so we can go and have a drink? I do want her back and love her a lot, I do know she cares about me. I was planning on expressing her how I feel when I see her again, nothing over the top but to say that I have missed her, that we do share a special connection and that I think that there is still something here, that I am willing to take a step back and really hope that things do work out and that we end up getting back together when she is ready, taking things slow. If I can please can some advice in how to approach the situation I would appreciate it so much. Thank you, Roland ONLY ADVICE!!! LET HER CONTACT YOU 70-80% of the time. WAIT WAIT WAIT!
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 A few things: why did the two of you break up? Can/has it been fixed? I think reaching out to her to meet up on Friday is a good idea....PROVIDED you realize why the break up happened and you are ready to fix it or move on. Second, I would not tell her how you feel just yet. Treat it as a normal date with someone. Ask questions that you already know the answers too, be friendly, be accommodating. TAKE IT SLOW.
Elle1975 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Go out on Thursday night, since her day off is Friday. Be careful though. You are reading too much into this. You see a reconciliation when it could be a ''let's be friends'' kind of deal. Play it cool, meaning I wouldn't feel too comfy and start sending the ''how was your day'' kind of messages. Good luck
Alexjones1 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Go out on Thursday night, since her day off is Friday. Be careful though. You are reading too much into this. You see a reconciliation when it could be a ''let's be friends'' kind of deal. Play it cool, meaning I wouldn't feel too comfy and start sending the ''how was your day'' kind of messages. Good luck Wait! Wait for her to contact you back. If she texts, pick up the phone call her " hey babe how are you, I'd lobe to see you are you free friday?" Make a definite date and then don't contact her until the date. This way you are not chasing and being aloof! Make her come to you buddy. Plant seeds, let her water it. Do some pushing and pulling. When you see her again, Tell her "wow thats the best smile I've seen all day, she replies oh thanks or whatever, You then say, well its actually the third best smile I have seen all day" You just became playful. Cats like to play with things buddy! Please trust my info. Do not listen to women. They only say 10% of what they really want. Yes i will get flak for that last comment but it is mostly true. Good luck!
KaliLove Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Wait! Wait for her to contact you back. If she texts, pick up the phone call her " hey babe how are you, I'd lobe to see you are you free friday?" Make a definite date and then don't contact her until the date. This way you are not chasing and being aloof! Make her come to you buddy. Plant seeds, let her water it. Do some pushing and pulling. When you see her again, Tell her "wow thats the best smile I've seen all day, she replies oh thanks or whatever, You then say, well its actually the third best smile I have seen all day" You just became playful. Cats like to play with things buddy! Please trust my info. Do not listen to women. They only say 10% of what they really want. Yes i will get flak for that last comment but it is mostly true. Good luck! Roland..please completely disregard this post. It's PUA nonsense. As far as how to handle the current situation, we need more info..why did you break up? 5
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Don't not show interest if you're interested. Women like men who are honest...not tools. It shows a certain respect for them that lying never could.
Author rolandjon Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 I am not comfy at all, I am actually terrified of that might happen since my feelings for her are very genuine. The breakup happened because she is going through some personal stuff, going to therapy to treat childhood neglection issues, she was also got hurt in the past in a serious relationship (the guy did not want to get married) and because of that she is extremely scared to get hurt again. She got scared when we where getting closer and more solid, that was an extra pressure for her. Relationship related we never had major issues between us, we are really similar and got along pretty well, and we were always honest with each other. The problem started with her pushing away, sadly she has this trauma which she is working on, and she knows that she has to get better. I did notice when I saw her yesterday that she feels kinda lonely and I could tell that she missed my company and support, I know her. I don't actually believe in waiting, I believe in taking action if you want something; that does not mean that I would crazy and go to her house everyday, but I will try and show my interest in moderation, not pressuring at all and being understanding. What I do like to know is what you guys think about the signals I mentioned, the being off on Friday? and inviting me to go for drinks? The other issue is that she is going away for a month in two weeks and I do think she needs to know how I feel before she leaves. What I plan to say is that the most important thing for her is to get better, that I care a lot about her and that there is something special between us, that I'm here and that if we can take things slow great, if she needs time to figure stuff out I understand and that Im here. Any advice? I really appreciate the responses from everyone. Thank you!
jbelle6 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Roland..please completely disregard this post. It's PUA nonsense. As far as how to handle the current situation, we need more info..why did you break up? Do guys think this neg $hit works? 1. I would tell him his cock was the 3 biggest I've seen. 2. Us girls all know about the PUA crap by now so the guy looks like he has trouble getting chicks and has to research on the net to get them. 2
Author rolandjon Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Also I do think that a text on Wednesday would be appropiate, last day I saw her was on Sunday. Also she likes to plan ahead and doing it from day to the next would probably won't work for her. Monday-Tuesday so she has a couple of days to think and process what happened during dinner, and then on Weds a text. I just plan to ask her how she is doing and if she I still free on Friday so we can get a drink like she mentioned. Any thoughts on this?
Simon Phoenix Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Also I do think that a text on Wednesday would be appropiate, last day I saw her was on Sunday. Also she likes to plan ahead and doing it from day to the next would probably won't work for her. Monday-Tuesday so she has a couple of days to think and process what happened during dinner, and then on Weds a text. I just plan to ask her how she is doing and if she I still free on Friday so we can get a drink like she mentioned. Any thoughts on this? You need to let her lead dude. While the PUA stuff is dumb, the concept is that it's up to her to show interest in you, not the other way around. Honestly, I don't think you are ready for this whole thing, but you need to be patient and let her lead. She says that she was available Friday, so let her be the one to ask if you two want to get together. 2
Author rolandjon Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 she did take the lead in asking me if I wanted to get drinks before she leaves, I did not ask. Also she leaves for a month in two weeks. I thought that since Friday she mentioned she was off, it would be a good chance to get together.
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 she did take the lead in asking me if I wanted to get drinks before she leaves, I did not ask. Also she leaves for a month in two weeks. I thought that since Friday she mentioned she was off, it would be a good chance to get together. Yes ask her to go out this Friday. Because she has been neglected she may need extra attention, not less. Don't listen to the guys who tell you to let her lead. Let her know what she means to you by actions. And telling her what she means to you won't hurt either but more importantly show her. Let her know about Friday as soon as possible if she likes to plan ahead. You cannot go wrong by being thoughtful of her, especially knowing that she has been neglected in the past. Just don't be clingy. 1
TylerDurdenn Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 My ex did all of this **** then dropped the "You do know I don't want to get back with you?" bomb. Just be careful. 1
flight E Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 The pua **** actually works but it has to come from an inner place of strength, confidence and none neediness. I agree with Simon, you don't seem ready yet. I also agree with the other poster. Never take advice on women from women. I don't really care what any woman has to say about this cos it's been proven time and again that women mostly don't know what they want. The thing is you have to develop you mind to the point where you are ready and able to work away like a man If things go in a way that becomes disrespectful to you. If you are ready, then you will become your best guide and you can do anything
Simon Phoenix Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 she did take the lead in asking me if I wanted to get drinks before she leaves, I did not ask. Also she leaves for a month in two weeks. I thought that since Friday she mentioned she was off, it would be a good chance to get together. Well, if she really wants to get a drink, she'll follow up on that. If she doesn't, she won't. Either way, she needs to take the initiative.
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Well, if she really wants to get a drink, she'll follow up on that. If she doesn't, she won't. Either way, she needs to take the initiative. She can take the initiative once he asks her if she'd like to go grab a drink. Have you ever dealt with someone who has been neglected in the past to the point of needing therapy to heal from it? Thought not...
Author rolandjon Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Thank you for all the replies. Because of her circumstances and what happened to her, she is someone that is very insecure and needs constant reasurrance. 1
Author rolandjon Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 She can take the initiative once he asks her if she'd like to go grab a drink. Have you ever dealt with someone who has been neglected in the past to the point of needing therapy to heal from it? Thought not... Any more advice on this??
Simon Phoenix Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 She can take the initiative once he asks her if she'd like to go grab a drink. Have you ever dealt with someone who has been neglected in the past to the point of needing therapy to heal from it? Thought not... He wasn't the one who neglected her. She's the one who broke up with him, so it's up to her to repair that bridge. The fact that she was neglected as a child doesn't change that, she's still the one that told him to pound sand.
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Any more advice on this?? Just fall back a little but don't fade away. If she suggests something then go with it. But go easy. Also a subtle "how are you doing?" text from time to time is a good idea. It lets her know that you're thinking of her but leaves it up to her if she wants to reply right away.
amaysngrace Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 He wasn't the one who neglected her. She's the one who broke up with him, so it's up to her to repair that bridge. The fact that she was neglected as a child doesn't change that, she's still the one that told him to pound sand. Right but there's probably a reason why she did and he had nothing at all to do with that. She is programmed differently. And she's getting help for that.
Recommended Posts