kanga Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 In the never-ending saga that is me liking the one who I call the stupid boy ... As a reminder of what last happened ... I fretted for about a week about the fact that I hadn't heard from him. He did contact me finally and told me he was sick. Ok, fine, I said. Since then he has, for the most part, emailed, called or IMed at least once a day or so. Two Fridays ago, I asked him if he wanted to grab dinner. He said he didn't think so, still trying to take care of what was now a cold, but he'd call if he was feeling like it. Well, he didn't call. That was fine for me. Now last week -- ohmigosh -- I can't keep track of how much phone and IM time we had. He called one night and we talked for nearly two hours. He had a day off work when I working, and he IMed me nearly all day, minus about 40 minutes when he called and we talked. (Yeah, totally personal time at work). It has been great and fun, but I'm annoyed that he hasn't asked if I'd want to get together again or whatnot. I just can't deal with it anymore. We've been talking way too much if he's OK wiht just being friends. He even acknowledged during one phone convo, "I don't know why that person actually called me. I'm not a person who talks on the phone." To which I said, "For a person who doesn't talk on the phone, you just did for 90 minutes with me." So Friday I blocked him from my IM buddy list. However, I know he's been quickly on and off line, and during our usual, predictable IMing times. I told myself I will not IM or call him or return his voicemail until he asks what is going on, why am I not talking to him. And he will. And it won't take long. I'm doing this so I can start the conversation with him. So I need to figure out what I'm going to say. Otherwise this whole not talking to him thing is pointless. Anyone think I'm doing a bad thing here? When he does contact me, asking what happened, my plan -- I think -- is to acknowledge I know I wasn't talking to him. And then say I wonder if we're on the same page. Or something. Any suggestions?
tattoomytoe Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 my advice is to stop playing games! tell him straight up what your deal is!
alphamale Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 my advice to you earlier was to continue this charade, KANGA. but see, for the games and stuff to work the other party has to genuinely like or love you. I don't see this here. Now, from this post you wrote, i think you should write this guy off cause this ain't goin' anywhere.
Author kanga Posted February 14, 2005 Author Posted February 14, 2005 OK. That's fine. I'm using this no talking to him time as a chance to write him off, if that's the way it will be. But seriously, he needs to know that he can't spending hours talking to me. He can't continue volunteering with me. And he certainly can't get all excited when telling me that I have to try on certain shoes at a nearby shoe store. And he needs to stop expressing his glee and wonderment about my tongue. (I have a long one; I think it's no big deal. He's completely amazed.). I guess I'll just let it play out for now and see what happens.
Author kanga Posted February 14, 2005 Author Posted February 14, 2005 so i'm in bed, snoozing away. it's midnight-ish. he just called twice. i didn't answer because i'm asleep. (yes, now i'm awake and writing here.) just two days of me not being available to talk to him. someone tell me if this is normal behavior for a mere friend?
johan Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 The problem with a game like that is you don't know whether he really likes you or he's just freaked out and his ego is demanding he get you back. Games can get people to respond, but you never know why they responded. It would be better to just be straight with him. And if he can't be straight with you back, then be friends or be nothing. My rule is if I'm home, I answer the phone out of respect for the other person and so I don't force myself to lie about why I didn't answer. If I have a problem then I get it resolved with ALL of my cards on the table. If you want something then ask for it. If you need something then demand it.
blue17 Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 You're right, him talking with you for hours on the phone....calling you, txt msging during the day aren't signs of just being 'friends'. In my opinion, I think he likes you but not sure whether he wants a relationship (and he's not sure whether you want one) and was kind of taking you for granted. I would just be honest with him and let him know what the deal is. I'm guessing that if it came down to yes or no whether to go out with you officially, he would say yes. I believe he's content with the way things are now (kind of unofficially dating) and he's not gonna make a move...but he would date you at the drop of a hat if you say the word. Go for it.
Author kanga Posted February 14, 2005 Author Posted February 14, 2005 Originally posted by johan The problem with a game like that is you don't know whether he really likes you or he's just freaked out and his ego is demanding he get you back. My rule is if I'm home, I answer the phone out of respect for the other person and so I don't force myself to lie about why I didn't answer. Again, not playing a game here. I'm annoyed and frankly, now I'm starting to feel a bit weirded out. I didn't want to talk to him. Period. Now I kind of want to talk to him even less. It's not even about having a big-ol' convo with him anymore. My rule is that I don't answer the phone after I've gone to sleep. But I do agree that I don't know why he actually called.
Hund1976 Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 You should just flat out ask him what the deal is. If he gives you a wishy-washy answer tell him to get back to you when he knows what he's thinking.
Author kanga Posted February 14, 2005 Author Posted February 14, 2005 Yeah. Well, I'm getting exactly what I anticipated would happen. Shortly after arriving at work, he sends an IM. I'm in the middle of something, so I'm not responding as quickly as he thinks I should. So he signs off to venture to work. Just moments ago, he calls me and asks, "what's the matter?" I tell him I can't really talk right now, call me later. So now I get to tell him what's the matter. And I'm totally scared off my butt. (I have no idea what "scared off my butt" means. I just made it up right now.)
Author kanga Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 So I finally decided I was ready to talk. And like clockwork, he contacted me. And he IMed with a sad face. I asked why sad. He said he wanted to go out to dinner for Valentine's day, but I wasn't answering my phone. Can he make a raincheck for the dinner? I said yes. Then I clarified about my confusion. I said I had been having so many good times in previous months. I thought we were headed a certain way, and now I'm not sure. Basically, he said he's not sure either. That things have been very hectic for him lately with his new job and other things, and he wanted to wait until we saw each other again and see how things would go. Then he added that it was funny I'd bring this convo up, because he had been thinking about it all day. He agreed that he had been having a lot of fun too in previous months. Soooo ... that is that. For now. I'm really hopeful that I remained cool enough so that I didn't make him feel like I was pressuring him into an unwanted decision.
blue17 Posted February 15, 2005 Posted February 15, 2005 Soooo ... that is that. For now. I'm really hopeful that I remained cool enough so that I didn't make him feel like I was pressuring him into an unwanted decision. I'm guessing he didn't feel pressured at all.....in fact I would say he is prolly RELIEVED that you brought the issue up so things are a lot clearer now for you two. It only looks good from here Best wishes.
Author kanga Posted February 15, 2005 Author Posted February 15, 2005 It only looks good from here We'll see. I feel good about his answers and some of the things he said. And I know that an invite for dinner can mean something or nothing. But I think it definitely meant a little something. I guess it's a little bit of a bummer that I choose the days before Valentine's day to go into silent mode. I'm guessing he was probably a bit nervous. He even said he didn't leave a message when he called because he thought I might be having dinner with someone else.
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