LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 On Monday evening, the guy I have been dating for about three months and I were talking in the car on our way to dinner about relationships when abruptly he caught an attitude and I am still not sure why he had an attitude because I said I needed him to start to come to my house and not me just coming to his. I told him that if he had an attitude that dinner was out and that he should turn the car around and take me back to his house. He asked me if I was serious and I said yes, if you're having an attitude, there is no sense in us going out to dinner, so he turned the car around and we drove back to his house. On the way back neither one of us spoke a word. When we got to his house he got out and said Thank You. I got into my car and left. Later Monday night I texted him and he didn't respond. Tuesday night I get a text from him asking "Did I get the ax?" I responded with "hell no, you gave it to me." I haven't heard from him since. What gives?
d0nnivain Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It was probably the phrasing. If your relationship had one dynamic (you coming to him) you can't suddenly spring it on him & tell him that you needed it to change (him coming to you). You needed to ease into more gradually by saying something softer such as I'd like it if you came to my house once in a while. Do you see how that's different from saying You have to come to my house now; I'm sick of coming to yours? When he didn't react perfectly to your announcement you unfairly accused him of having an attitude instead of exploring why you always came to him & what would happen for that to change. At least to me, it came across as you being very demanding -- my way or the highway sort or thing. Based on your demand to go home, I can see where he thought you broke up with him. If you apologize & open yourself up to a softer discussion this may be salvagable. 3
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 d0nni - We were discussing the issue with him taking his sons to drivers ed for the last two weeks and how I knew it was easier for me to come to his house, I didn't demand that he start to come to mine, I just said that he should try to come to my house now that drivers ed is over and that I knew he had been busy the last few weeks. I'm not faulting him for taking me back to his house, he did do what I asked but I asked him several times to "communicate" with me and he just kept saying he didn't know.
d0nnivain Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 He may simply be bad at communicating. What were experiencing that caused you to think he was having an attitude?
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 He got very quiet and just kept saying he didn't know. I do think he is bad with communicating, I've seen it with his children.
d0nnivain Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 If you want to save the relationship reach out & apologize for this misunderstanding & express the idea that the 2 of you need to communicate better.
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 Why do I need to apologize? I don't feel I did or said anything wrong. He didn't respond to my first communication that night or to my response about the ax.
d0nnivain Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Both of you need to apologize. If you want to save the relationship somebody has to make the 1st move. If you want to stand your ground & feel like you hold all the power, remain silent. You need to apoligize for thinking he was coping an attitude & for failing to communicate that your request to go home was not a request to break up. He needs to apologize for failing to articulate what was wrong & not reaching out the next day. If you are fine with letting the relationship end, do nothing & let him fade away.
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I just sent a text which is normal communication throughout the day for us, I have not received a response, I tried.
Gaeta Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I think you jumped the gun with this 'drive me back home'. You should have kept your cool and try to diffuse the tension. What you did was passive aggressive. Men hate drama queens. Yes he gave you some attitude but your problem-solving skills aren't better than his communication skills.
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 My intent wasn't to be a drama queen, like I previously posted, he had an attitude and I didn't feel anything would be productive to go to dinner that way. I even said that since he had an attitude, he should drive me back, him turning around and driving me back confirmed that he did indeed did have an attitude. He just texted me, any suggestions on the next step?
d0nnivain Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Why do you think he feels wounded? Because he's a man. They are more sensative then you think 1
Gaeta Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 When you asked him to turn around you rejected him and dinner with him. Put yourself in his shoes, you would have been very hurt as well.
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 He is communicating with me via text, I suppose that is a good sign, I asked him if he is open to discussing what happened? No response as of yet.
preraph Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Let's look at this in black and white. If this guy gets mad at you for inviting him to your home to the point he sulls up and breaks up, think what he would do if there's a REAL issue. He is a controller. No one needs one of those that is this bad. If he's that extreme on an invitation that can only be a friendly encounter, how's he going to take it 5 years from now when you tell him he needs to start helping do the dishes or take off work to pick up the kids from school?
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 preraph - you could very well be onto something. He seems to only answer questions he wants to, especially since I said I wasn't going to be coming to his house all the time and getting an attitude. I still haven't received a response to my question about talking about what had happened.
MissBee Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 On Monday evening, the guy I have been dating for about three months and I were talking in the car on our way to dinner about relationships when abruptly he caught an attitude and I am still not sure why he had an attitude because I said I needed him to start to come to my house and not me just coming to his. I told him that if he had an attitude that dinner was out and that he should turn the car around and take me back to his house. He asked me if I was serious and I said yes, if you're having an attitude, there is no sense in us going out to dinner, so he turned the car around and we drove back to his house. On the way back neither one of us spoke a word. When we got to his house he got out and said Thank You. I got into my car and left. Later Monday night I texted him and he didn't respond. Tuesday night I get a text from him asking "Did I get the ax?" I responded with "hell no, you gave it to me." I haven't heard from him since. What gives? I think you both handled the situation poorly. I get having an attitude is unpleasant but you could have talked about it, asked what was wrong instead of demanding to be taken home and leaving. What is he supposed to think about that? How did he give you the ax when you're the one who asked him to take you home? I think you escalated the situation by demanding to be taken home and made it hard to know where to go from there. I think you should request that you guys meet in person to talk. 1
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 MissBee, When I said that he had to "communicate" with me is when he clammed up and said he didn't know. How can I continue onto dinner with someone that wasn't going to talk to me? I can't force him to talk to me. Yes, I agree that it was handled poorly on both of our parts. I didn't demand to be taken back to his house but merely stated that if he was going to have an attitude, he should take me back, his turning around and taking me back was admitting that he did in fact have an attitude. Nothing was going to get resolved at that point.
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 LS, Some of you have been following my story but to summarize, been dating this guy since February, he told me it was difficult for him to develop feelings because of what he has been through with past relationships. Fast forward to now and I have visited with his family several times, even one over night trip recently. He said now that we were intimate it does change things and we had agreed to be exclusive. Last weekend we had a misunderstanding and we have been texting back and forth, I haven't heard from him since Friday. I don't want to contact him because I want him to set the pace, I want to follow his lead which is what I have been doing since day one. He has a tendency to run hot and cold. From what I can put together, I don't think he is totally over his ex. My question is should I cut him lose or can anything promising come out of it?
stillafool Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Just wait it out. He does know you two are exclusive so I doubt he will just fade with no explanation. Try not to worry about it. Maybe try to get out of the house for a while. 1
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 I've been keeping pretty busy but when you get accustomed to someone texting or calling you throughout the day then it goes radio silent, it's hard. I'm in no rush since I have only been legally separated 8 months and he has been separated 7 months but I'm wondering if we should just move forward without one another.
HappyLove Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Shouldn't this be the honey moon phase? Sounds like A LOT of drama!
Author LuvsTrucks2 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 HappyLove, I totally agree with you, this should be the honey moon stage. You are also right about the drama. I didn't realize it was actually drama until I thought about it. I don't typically encourage drama but it did happen. We have since talked and somewhat cleared the air. I also agree with the previous posting that we both handled the incident wrong. We are still getting to know one another and there was a lot that was taken out of context. I'm not sure where we are headed but I have decided that I am not going to contact him anymore.
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