TheCanadianGuy Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 This is a long story, so I'll try to make it short. And thank you in advice to anyone who reads this and gives me their opinion. I'm 19 years old, and last year in HS I met this girl who was a grade below me, we talked a bit in school, and I had a crush on her, but never pursued her. A year later I find out she had a crush on me last year too, so I started talking to her again, we hit it off and starting seeing each other. She was my first kiss, and my first relationship. Originally, I wanted to take things slow, but after hearing her complain about guys not wanting to commit in the past, I asked her to be my girlfriend only a few weeks into dating to not lose her, she happily accepted. Eventually I learned that she wanted to be exclusive, but didn't want to use labels. Instead of being happy that she wanted to take things slow like I did, I got upset because I thought it was a reflection upon me. I eventually agreed with her to give it more time, and she told me she really, really, really liked me, never second guessed it, was falling for me, etc, but after that day she began acting weird. It was her birthday the next day (I know, bad timing), and I told her I didn't want to go to the family dinner because I didn't want to get so involved and attached if we were going to take it slow, she told me it was okay but later blew off her plans with me that night. The next couple days she starts acting weird, not as talkative, and distant, then she dumps me. We were seeing each other for only2 months, but we spent each day talking like crazy, and I really fell fast. I felt a connection. Only a few days after she ended it with me, I find out she started seeing some Italian exchange student. (rebound?) It's been about a week and a half, and I keep wondering what could have been if I had just been honest and not tried to be who I thought she wanted me to be. She seems to have commitment issues from her past relationships, but I didn't want anything serious, it was my first relationship, I just got so lost along the way trying to do what I thought she wanted. I've considered messaging her and just clarifying how I felt about things, to "take care" and all that, but I secretly hope she'll want to come back. I feel its inevitable that I'll send that message because NOT saying how I truly felt about things has been bothering me my entire life. Do I have a decent chance to restore this and start new? And when I message her, is there anything I could say to better my chances? I've begun working out, writing, practicing guitar and looking for a job to better my life, but I still feel the hole left by her.
Author TheCanadianGuy Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Forgot to mention that she broke up with me in the car, said she didn't like the "drama", and that she didn't have feelings for me anymore. Despite us rarely arguing, and her confessing her feelings for me not even 48 hours before.
todreaminblue Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 This is what confuses me about guys, is the inability to understand if a girl likes you its not her projection of you she likes but you as a person so dont change to suit what you feel she wants. i feel for you and my suggestion is try to re engage you will lose nothing by trying you know, only by not trying can you consider it a loss, playing guitar and bettering yourself isnt important if you didnt do it before, you were obviously good as is to date her in the first place you made her happy and she wanted exclusivity are you doing it for her about her or for you? i have had guys play songs compose and write music for me and about me, didnt mean nothing if i touched them and they dropped my hand to continue playing.
Js2493 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 If not telling people how you really feel is something that has been bothering you for a long time, I'd say to go for it but let that be it. If it fails, you at least have the peace of mind that you DID tell her how you really feel and aren't kicking yourself for not doing it.
Author TheCanadianGuy Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 This is what confuses me about guys, is the inability to understand if a girl likes you its not her projection of you she likes but you as a person so dont change to suit what you feel she wants. i feel for you and my suggestion is try to re engage you will lose nothing by trying you know, only by not trying can you consider it a loss, playing guitar and bettering yourself isnt important if you didnt do it before, you were obviously good as is to date her in the first place you made her happy and she wanted exclusivity are you doing it for her about her or for you? i have had guys play songs compose and write music for me and about me, didnt mean nothing if i touched them and they dropped my hand to continue playing. There should be no confusion, it comes from a place of insecurity. Exactly, I feel I'll lose nothing by trying. My friends are telling me to move on, its over, she doesn't care, but I just can't do nothing. If not telling people how you really feel is something that has been bothering you for a long time, I'd say to go for it but let that be it. If it fails, you at least have the peace of mind that you DID tell her how you really feel and aren't kicking yourself for not doing it. I will let it be it, I won't message her unless she has a response that dignifies a follow up message. I won't beg her, or even ask her to take me back, I think I'll just tell her how I felt, and see what she says.
Author TheCanadianGuy Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) Yesterday I made a post about how I was going to message my ex-girlfriend, just once, to say some things that I wish I had said. I didn't ask for her back, I just told her my side of things, where it went wrong, and I apologized and told her that there were no hard feelings. It was a long message. Her response was... "Hey I read the message, thanks for letting me know." I'm guessing that's pretty bad. I hoped that maybe she had some left over feelings for me, but it sounds like she's truly moved on. Am I right? Edited June 9, 2014 by TheCanadianGuy
BC1980 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Yesterday I made a post about how I was going to message my ex-girlfriend, just once, to say some things that I wish I had said. I didn't ask for her back, I just told her my side of things, where it went wrong, and I apologized and told her that there were no hard feelings. It was a long message. Her response was... "Hey I read the message, thanks for letting me know." I'm guessing that's pretty bad. I hoped that maybe she had some left over feelings for me, but it sounds like she's truly moved on. Am I right? It sounds like she wants noting to do with you and was just replying out of common courtesy. I doubt she cares too much about the message. I wrote a similar email and got a one line response. It hurts because you took the time to pour your heart out, which is why you need to maintain NC. Now, you will simply feel worse. 1
Author TheCanadianGuy Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 It sounds like she wants noting to do with you and was just replying out of common courtesy. I doubt she cares too much about the message. I wrote a similar email and got a one line response. It hurts because you took the time to pour your heart out, which is why you need to maintain NC. Now, you will simply feel worse. Not true, I don't feel worst. Before I messaged her, I was tormenting myself with all the things I never said. Now I at least know that I tried.
Elle1975 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Yesterday I made a post about how I was going to message my ex-girlfriend, just once, to say some things that I wish I had said. I didn't ask for her back, I just told her my side of things, where it went wrong, and I apologized and told her that there were no hard feelings. It was a long message. Her response was... "Hey I read the message, thanks for letting me know." I'm guessing that's pretty bad. I hoped that maybe she had some left over feelings for me, but it sounds like she's truly moved on. Am I right? Yes.. it's over. Please, please stop torturing yourself. She has moved on. You need to do the same. In a few months you'll wonder "what the hell was I thinking?". 1
BC1980 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Not true, I don't feel worst. Before I messaged her, I was tormenting myself with all the things I never said. Now I at least know that I tried. You'll probably feel worse later. That seems to be what happens. I would talk to the ex and have great resolve to move on. Give it a month, and let reality set in. You are still in denial if you sent that email. Just don't send anything else.
Author TheCanadianGuy Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 You'll probably feel worse later. That seems to be what happens. I would talk to the ex and have great resolve to move on. Give it a month, and let reality set in. You are still in denial if you sent that email. Just don't send anything else. No, I really do feel better, in a way. I feel better about that relationship, I KNOW now that it's over, there is nothing I can do, I tried and it wasn't good enough. Now I won't have regrets about wishing I would have said what was on my mind. I do feel worst, but only because I'm beginning to realize that I can longer look to others for happiness, and now I'm just very depressed. I don't know what to do to make myself happy.
Alexjones1 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 No, I really do feel better, in a way. I feel better about that relationship, I KNOW now that it's over, there is nothing I can do, I tried and it wasn't good enough. Now I won't have regrets about wishing I would have said what was on my mind. I do feel worst, but only because I'm beginning to realize that I can longer look to others for happiness, and now I'm just very depressed. I don't know what to do to make myself happy. Dude! You are the prize! Remember the guy you were 15 minutes before you met her? I bet the day of the breakup you were not that person! So stop blaming yourself! If it was your fault so be it! NOW is the time for you to become you again. Next time don't lose yourself in a relationship. Its not worth it at all! Trust me I too made the same mistake. For me I am not in denial of this. It only took a couple weeks to realize who I am and be me again. I am sad I couldn't be that person all the time, but I now know I will always focus on keeping myself happy. If you do that they wont ever leave. For me bud, I am to the point I want her happy as myself. I want the engagement ring back and our joint accounts split. She is ignoring my contact to do these things. So she can keep paying my phone bill! Take care bud it will get better and BLOCK ALL SOCIAL MEDIA NOW! 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 What happened with your break up as my ex broke up with me and I did think if he ever messaged to apologise for the hurt during the break up I would just put "Thank you, I appreciate that." x But the truth is I would like to try again x
Alexjones1 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 What happened with your break up as my ex broke up with me and I did think if he ever messaged to apologise for the hurt during the break up I would just put "Thank you, I appreciate that." x But the truth is I would like to try again x Well they say " The TRUTH shall set you FREE" Let it out and let it go if thats the way it is.
Alexjones1 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Too scared buddy! x Scared of the rejection, or just scared to let go. You cant have one without the other! 1
beach Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 But see - you intended to message her hoping she would respond in a positive tone. She was very neutral. You had expectations - but she isn't giving you any hope that her feelings have changed. She looks like it's the "grass is greener" syndrome - based on your prior thread. You are her second choice now - as she is focused n some foreign dude. I can't see how it makes you look anything but desperate by contacting her... But what exactly did you say to her? That part you left out. Either way - her response is designed so that further communication is non existent - so please respect her lack of engaging you in communicating. The way she responded is designed NOT to encourage any further communication. 2
Author TheCanadianGuy Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 (edited) Dude! You are the prize! Remember the guy you were 15 minutes before you met her? I bet the day of the breakup you were not that person! So stop blaming yourself! If it was your fault so be it! NOW is the time for you to become you again. Next time don't lose yourself in a relationship. Its not worth it at all! Take care bud it will get better and BLOCK ALL SOCIAL MEDIA NOW! I don't feel completely at fault, she made a lot of mistakes too, but it is what it is. I'm beginning to change my life for the better, I've been eating better for the past couple weeks, working out regularly, writing more, practicing guitar. I think the best revenge is to just become better looking, more successful, and happier, without her. However, I don't plan on blocking her on social media. If I do that, she'll know for sure that she got to me, so I'm just going to ignore her. After she ended things I was looking at her facebook, instagram, and snapchat often. But since I sent that message I haven't felt the need to at all. Well they say " The TRUTH shall set you FREE" Let it out and let it go if thats the way it is. It has, immensely. After I hit 'send' on that message, I felt like a weight had been lifted. But see - you intended to message her hoping she would respond in a positive tone. She was very neutral. You had expectations - but she isn't giving you any hope that her feelings have changed. She looks like it's the "grass is greener" syndrome - based on your prior thread. You are her second choice now - as she is focused n some foreign dude. It wasn't what I hoped for, but I'm not that upset by it either. Before my biggest regret was that I didn't try, I tried, failed, and now I feel I can move on much more easily. I can't see how it makes you look anything but desperate by contacting her... So what if I look desperate? I don't have to see her anymore, we've only got 1 mutual friend and she hardly even hangs out with her. She can think I'm the most needy, clingy, worthless piece of crap in the world, she's not a part of my life anymore, so it's not worth worrying about. The feeling of relief and closure I gained over that was worth any negative thoughts she may have developed on me. Hell, she ended things, not like I was on her good side anymore anyway. but what exactly did you say to her? That part you left out.It's long but I'll try to give you the key points. It began with... "Hey, I know it’s been a little while, you probably weren’t expecting to hear from me, and honestly, I wasn’t planning on it. But over the past week or so, I would think about you once in a while, and it bothered me that I wasn’t more honest with you during our thing, especially when I expected nothing but honesty from you (wee bit hypocritical of me). There were some things I never said, which I kind of wish I had. Not in an attempt to restore things, but for my own peace of mind. I guess I just felt guilty. This message doesn't have anything of importance, so if you skip it, I'd understand. It's simply stuff I wanted to get off my chest." > Before I met her I didn't want anything serious, was looking for someone who felt the same. > Told her that when she complained about guys not wanting to commit it made me worried that if I didn't commit in some way that she'd move on and I wouldn't get to see what was there, so I asked her out before I was ready. > She said she was falling for me, I was better than the other guys, but when she'd call me "perfect" it put pressure on me to live up to that standard. > The guy I was in the beginning is who I really am, before I felt the pressure. > That when she didn't want a boyfriend that I thought it was a reflection upon me. > Apologized for trying to put a timeframe on our relationship and I said I should have been happy she wanted what I wanted (more time) but I was stubborn and trying to justify that I made the right decision by assuming she wanted commitment earlier. > Was upset when she ended things, but more confused than anything, but after thinking I understood why. > Blamed miscommunication, wish I knew what could have happened, but it's in the past and I can't change that. > I don't take back anything I said about you concerning my feelings. > Glad I could have made her happy for awhile, and I was sorry that things didn't work out. > Told her that regardless if I never see or talk to her again, that I enjoyed our time together, that I was glad I got this off my chest, and that if she ever needed to talk that I was around. Then I told her to "take care", and ended it. I simply wanted to explain my side of things, apologize, leave that door a bit open, but mostly, have the letter read more like a "goodbye" than "please come back". But now, I don't really care. I'm just glad I said what I needed to say. Either way - her response is designed so that further communication is non existent - so please respect her lack of engaging you in communicating. The way she responded is designed NOT to encourage any further communication.I know, trust me. I have absolutely no plans of communicating with her further, I didn't respond to her "thanks for letting me know", I just left it at that. You know, this whole experience has taught me a lot, but most of all that I don't want people like her in my life and I should be grateful for what I do have. She didn't want to be there for me, she led me on to make it seem like this was serious, dumped my ass and moved on to her next fling. She seems like some immature girl who doesn't know what she wants, and doesn't want to stick around when the relationships stop being fun for a brief moment. Little does she know how much I've learned about her, from the things she'd let slip out, but I won't try to hurt her with that. That's not who I am. I've got family and friends who DO care about me, have my back, and WANT to spend time with me. These are the people I need to keep in my life. Side note; She's been telling people that this new guy is a really bad kisser. +10 pts for me. Edited June 11, 2014 by TheCanadianGuy
Chi townD Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 This is what confuses me about guys, is the inability to understand if a girl likes you its not her projection of you she likes but you as a person so dont change to suit what you feel she wants. Hell, I could write a book on the things that I don't understand about girls. Like trying to figure out if a girl likes you or not! They tell us to look for hints. Like, her smiling and playing with her hair. Subtle touching and laughing at every stupid thing we say. JUST TELL US!!! They say that girls liked to be chased. It is the 21st century and guys are working in a very competitive world. We're tired, we don't want to chase after someone. JUST STAY PUT! WE WILL GET THERE!!! 1
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