Mjm1014 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I've been on lots of dates over the years, but this girl is really standing out and want to make the right choices so I don't mess this up. I could use the help. Thanks for your time.. Met this girl on Tinder about a week ago, and up until our first date we two days ago we talked a decent amount everyday-or at least I would hear from her time to time. She told me I'm the only guy that got her number on that site because she feels like I want to get to know her past just her looks unlike other guys (she could be a model on a cover page). First date was great, awesome conversation, she wouldn't stop smiling or touching me, and at the end of the date I gave her a kiss and she accepted it. When I thought the kiss was over and I pulled away she said "wait!!" and kept wanting to kiss me. OKAY, here is the confusing part. Ever since the date she seems way more distant than before. I no longer hear from her unless I initiate the phone calls/texts. Last night when I called her she seemed like she didn't want to really talk on the phone (she said she was tired) so I let her go. I sent a text after our call: Me- "If you aren't into me, you can be honest..I'm getting mixed signals and I'm starting to get confused if you still want to get to know me." Her- "All I can say is we had good conversation and that you're cute. It's going to take me more than one date to decide if I'm interested or not. I know I'm not easy to crack. If you don't want to deal with that I understand." I'm a pilot and am leaving on a weeklong trip so I asked her to hang out next weekend and she said yes but wouldn't set a date/time. Since I only really have the weekends to see her it would be nice to get to know her over the phone..but why the change in behavior? I keep wondering if it is a game to see how into her I am, lack of interest, or if I am over thinking things. Lack of interested, I need to eject and move on! If it's a game to see if I will peruse her more then I need to do the opposite! What should I do?! Help guys I suck reading people. I guess I just don't understand women..if I like someone, I show them, period. I'm thinking about just going no-contact for a few days..thoughts?
littleplanet Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Well OP, I think she laid it out pretty clear. Sounds to me like she prefers to take things slow. Not zero to sixty from the get-go. If she is worth it to you - give her that bit of space. It can do no harm. It can go either way. And after a few dates, no harm done if it doesn't work. I don't think she's being 'cute' with you - just honest. More conversation will create more understanding. Had she thought the first date was enough - she would never have wanted to bother with a second one. I understand your work schedule means you have to plan things out - but if she likes you well enough, she'll understand that. Probably best just to relax, and not overthink the thing. See what happens second time around.
Rogue007 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) OP, there are a few weak points in your approach. Let me briefly elaborate. "If you aren't into me, you can be honest..I'm getting mixed signals and I'm starting to get confused if you still want to get to know me." 1) Ask yourself, where is this conversation going to go from here? What kind of mood will this put her in? It KILLS the mood. 2) It seems from the wording that your approaching the issue from a mind set of seeking her approval. Any hint of desperation will turn a woman off cold. 3) You are already framing the issue in terms of a relationship on the first date. Take your time brother! Have fun. Not every woman is going to make a good girlfriend or wife. It's going to take me more than one date to decide if I'm interested… Interested in What? Having dinner? Doing something fun? Keep it light. It's only been a week. Constant contact is never a good idea. It comes off as needy. Try light conversation, then something like "I'm going to X place on Friday how about you join me? Don't allow her response or mood to effect you. Take a few days no contact, and most importantly reevaluate how you're approaching women. What do you like about this girl? What makes you think she'll make a good girlfriend? Is it purely sexual attraction? Almost like playing poker and going all in…without seeing the hand your playing with. Edited June 9, 2014 by Rogue007 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Okay, so I'm going to give you a bit of a different perspective (not hard since there are only a couple so far, lol)... Her- "All I can say is we had good conversation and that you're cute. It's going to take me more than one date to decide if I'm interested or not. I know I'm not easy to crack. If you don't want to deal with that I understand." Sorry but as a woman whose used similar lines like this myself in the past, this is pretty much code for "Had a good time BUT I'm just not as into you as I thought". Yes, it's only been a week but if she was really into you, she'd be all over you looking for and locking down another date. It's pretty simple. Shall we break down her response? I think we should... "All I can say is we had good conversation and that you're cute. It's going to take me more than one date to decide if I'm interested or not. I know I'm not easy to crack. If you don't want to deal with that I understand." Who the hell starts with a line like "All I can say..."? Nothing romantically memorable ever comes from a sentence that starts like this. It's a consolation and a poor one at that. It's clear she doesn't want to commit to anything and is deliberately choosing to be vague. Strike one. "All I can say is we had good conversation and that you're cute. It's going to take me more than one date to decide if I'm interested or not. I know I'm not easy to crack. If you don't want to deal with that I understand." Seriously? She's either interested in getting to know you better or not. It's not rocket science. If you were getting along great prior to the date and by all accounts, had a great date with plenty of PDA, and she STILL can't decide if she's interested in you? And if that isn't enough, you try and set a second date to give her the time to get to know you better but she can't seem to lock that down either. Strike two. "All I can say is we had good conversation and that you're cute. It's going to take me more than one date to decide if I'm interested or not. I know I'm not easy to crack. If you don't want to deal with that I understand." This is the clincher. She's giving you the opportunity to bail and is choosing not to fight to see where things go between you. Again, if she was into you she wouldn't give you up so easily or give you an easy out. Strike three. Listen, I could be way off base here and may she's just very shy or is treading supersonically careful but as it stands right now it looks and feels like she's leaning out more than in. She's either keeping you at arm's length because she's waiting for someone better to come along OR she's already getting courted by someone else who's got her full attention right now. Like I said, I've been here and handed out a line almost identical to many men I was ultimately NOT interested in for whatever reason. Women can definitely be complicated BUT if we're interested in you, you'll know it by how much we smother you or chase you or needle you for attention. It can be pathetic sometimes but it's what makes us so adorable I'd go NC now. You've put it out there about how you feel and even offered up another date which she has yet to confirm. The ball is in her court as far as I'm concern. Oh and as for YOUR approach with asking her to be honest with you, bravo! Don't listen to anyone on here that says otherwise. I think the way you approached it was classy and it gave her an out without the guilt. I've also done this many times and have had men do it to me. I for one appreciate blunt honesty. At some point, when we reach a certain age or are finally tired of all the game playing that goes into dating, you just want to lay it all out on the table. There is no longer a need to beat around the bush like a couple of school kids. Good luck! 1
phineas Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 It's Tinder. She is probably full of crap with the "you're the only one to get my number" What happened is she is either changed her mind about you or she swiped on the next shiny object. Also, you are supposed to set the date and time. go silent until mid week then ask her if she wants to meet at a certain time & place. then don't contact her again. There are really only three reasons women act this way with a guy their supposedly interested in. 1. They just aren't into you. 2. They found someone "better" 3. They are dealing with some issues from a past relationship. Either way, your a fricken pilot. Do you know how much mileage I could get out of that with women? seriously you are up there in the "My boyfriend is..." category. Hell, i'm a computer guy. No woman wants to hear me talk about that. haha. 2
BreakOnThrough Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I know I'm not easy to crack. If you don't want to deal with that I understand." Step back, step back, and step back... She's not interested at this point. One last ditch effort could do the trick though, tell her you have a few more Tinder dates planned for next week. Any hint of jealously or possession would mean you still have a shot, if not, go NC. It's over.
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