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Has anyone got in contact with an ex after months or years after break-up?

VanessaVanessa

By VanessaVanessa
in Coping

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VanessaVanessa Established Member

VanessaVanessa

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I just was wondering who has got back in contact with an ex after a long while since the break up/no contact? How did it pan out? Was it ok, good, bad or awkward? Was it a mistake to check on things?

 

 

 

I have been feeling the urge to contact my ex to see how he is doing, like if he is still in good health and things of that sort. I still care for him a lot as a person who I know (i do still love him truthfully) even though he hurt me a great deal to put it plainly. I don't want to try to start something new (at least consciously those are not my intentions). I probably won't be acting on this urge anytime soon, but it is difficult. It is 8 months after the b.u

Mla Member

Mla

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It's really not a good idea to look check or contact wen u still have any sort of feelings! U may not like what you see or hear so no good can come from it iv had exes contact me at a point where I no longer care and the way in which they contact u can tell they are at a point of I difference or is for their own selfish needs

 

I tried to re add my first love on fb wen I knew I was over him he did not accept and he is with a new girl who I know and seems happy and in love I envy the relationship but no longer wish to be with him and was not hurt but simply disappointed he didn't accept due to how much time we spent together although I can also understand his reasons for not acceptin until this point he was blocked on everythin best way to be to try avoid seein or hearing things that may hurt while your still hurting or still care to some extent

 

I'm at same length as u now post bu maybe bit longer and I still not moved on takes me ages he is also with someone knew whic happened quickly and breaks my heart I been sad all this time and depressed n lonely while he has shared his with someone else and moved on I made mistake of lookin few months back and the pictures n wa I read still haunt me so don't do it! Only wen ur at a point like I was with my first ex can u consider doin it wen u know u. Healed over that person but even then consider the option that may not reply x

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learning_slowly Established Member

learning_slowly

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I contacted my ex, and there was nothing beneficial. All it did was upset me and provide me with knowledge that after a split, they don't have time for you.

 

Imagine if you had split. You would have a new partner and wouldn't want to jeopardise the new relationship by being caught.

 

Some ex's will contact you when it suits them, but do you want a relationship that is all on their terms.

 

Forget them, move on and find real friends, and hopefully a new partner.

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littleplanet Established Member

littleplanet

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I've done it numerous times.

After the healing is complete - both sides.

But only with the ones who still mattered to me.

 

There is no set amount of time.....as long as it takes, I guess.

People do change over time.

I never really had a messy, bad breakup - so there was no carryover of "bad" for me (or them.)

 

I still talk to my first girlfriend - and that goes back a long time.....

about 2 or 3 times a year.

 

Important though. No threats. No thoughts of reunion, or struggles within new lives lived differently, and with different SO's.

 

It can work between people who still care about each other, but have no interest in a romantic connection anymore.

 

The older I got, the easier this became. So I always figured it was a process of maturity.

 

But I would never advocate this for anyone who can't let go.

That is just inviting too much pain back in.....and undiong whatever healing has been accomplished.

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SadNLonley Established Member

SadNLonley

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I contacted my ex 9 mo after bu to only get hurt again. He told me he had recently started dating and that even though he loved me, he was no long in love with me.

 

All this heartache again because I wanted to wish him Happy Birthday.

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bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

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I had a ex girlfriend contact me after 40 years. She thought it would be nice to rekindle what we had four decades ago. Like an idiot I thought I would try.

 

You know what I found out? The same habits they had when we were teenagers and very early 20's are the same habits we have now when we are in out 60's.............................except the habits are more entrenched and you ain't changing them after a certain amount of time.

 

There's a reason why your not together.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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I emailed mine only because she owes me money and she went on and on and on about how she was going to pay me back while we were dating; she even brought it up the last time I saw her when we broke up (it was a mutual break up), I had forgotten about it then. I want a resoltuon: pay me back as you agreed to, pay me something, or tell me you will not be able to pay me back. It's just kind of hanging out there and I do not want to be thinking about it.

central Established Member

central

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Whether I would make contact or accept contact would depend on a variety of factors, but mostly on the reason for the original breakup.

 

I had one such situation, where she broke things off after a few dates. She was newly dating after a long, bad marriage, had no basis for comparison, and was very afraid of making another mistake especially because she was falling for me hard and fast. It scared her. I had plenty of dating experience at that point after my prior marriage, and a good basis for thinking she was an extraordinarily good match for me.

 

Anyway, we did stay in touch rather distantly for about 6 months. She got some perspective by dating a bit, and was confident that her initial response was real. She got back in touch to meet me while she was at a nearby conference (we lived about 100 miles apart). It was awkward and tentative at first - I was pretty upset the first time, and was wary of another letdown - but we slowly got back together. That was 14 years ago, and we have been happily together since.

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VanessaVanessa Established Member

VanessaVanessa

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...habits are more entrenched and you ain't changing them after a certain amount of time.

 

There's a reason why your not together.

 

That is what I have been telling myself over and over again all this time after the breakup, which is why I have remained no contact for months. Thanks for telling your experience which happened after such a long time

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VanessaVanessa Established Member

VanessaVanessa

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Whether I would make contact or accept contact would depend on a variety of factors, but mostly on the reason for the original breakup.

 

I had one such situation, where she broke things off after a few dates. She was newly dating after a long, bad marriage, had no basis for comparison, and was very afraid of making another mistake especially because she was falling for me hard and fast. It scared her. I had plenty of dating experience at that point after my prior marriage, and a good basis for thinking she was an extraordinarily good match for me.

 

Anyway, we did stay in touch rather distantly for about 6 months. She got some perspective by dating a bit, and was confident that her initial response was real. She got back in touch to meet me while she was at a nearby conference (we lived about 100 miles apart). It was awkward and tentative at first - I was pretty upset the first time, and was wary of another letdown - but we slowly got back together. That was 14 years ago, and we have been happily together since.

 

Good to hear your situation turned out for the best. Yet I'm sure these results are rare.

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BrokenHeartedSavior Established Member

BrokenHeartedSavior

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Vanessa, this will most likely be my last entry, as I can't continue to do this any longer. Its so depressing.

 

Please spare yourself the pain. Let go while you're young enough to do so.

 

Me? 47 years old and nearly a decade worth with her, love her until my dying day. Got back together about nine months ago after about a year and half apart. Turns out we're still both the same screwed up people-couple we always were, even "after all these years" (music: Journey)

 

Just this morning (after our typical disagreement) she told me she wants to ignore me, wants nothing to do with me or know anything about me in the future. Sound like a two-way loving relationship to you? Or someone who is just done and wants to move on?

 

NO CONTACT AND FOR HEAVENS SAKE PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND LET GO! THEY DID!

 

Don't fool yourself for one second into thinking your relationship is ANY different than the tens of thousands posted here.

 

Here I sit, broken, AGAIN! Do you want this to be you ten years from now?

 

I highly doubt it. Trust people here, only wished I'd listened.

 

BrokenHeartedSavior, out. Learned my lesson too late :(

 

John

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littleplanet Established Member

littleplanet

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There's a difference between re-establishing contact, and getting back together.

The former is done because that person is significant in your life.

The latter isn't done because you're smart enough to know the mixture didn't work.

The former is also done because you're capable of moving on, and not clinging to the past.

The latter isn't done when other mixtures of partners, affairs and other complications have come and gone from the picture (or still exist.) - and matter in ways they shouldn't.

The former is done when you're capable of really appreciating each other without having to worry about living with them, romancing them, meeting their expectations, reacting negatively to their idiosyncracies and eccentricities, and actually capable of just being friends.

 

(was all that clear as mud?) :D

 

Sometimes romance is over-rated.

Sometimes friendship is under-rated.

 

But it's supposed to feel good.

If it hurts like hell, it's a lousy idea. :cool:

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VanessaVanessa Established Member

VanessaVanessa

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Vanessa, this will most likely be my last entry, as I can't continue to do this any longer. Its so depressing.

 

Please spare yourself the pain. Let go while you're young enough to do so.

 

Me? 47 years old and nearly a decade worth with her, love her until my dying day. Got back together about nine months ago after about a year and half apart. Turns out we're still both the same screwed up people-couple we always were, even "after all these years" (music: Journey)

 

Just this morning (after our typical disagreement) she told me she wants to ignore me, wants nothing to do with me or know anything about me in the future. Sound like a two-way loving relationship to you? Or someone who is just done and wants to move on?

 

NO CONTACT AND FOR HEAVENS SAKE PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND LET GO! THEY DID!

 

Don't fool yourself for one second into thinking your relationship is ANY different than the tens of thousands posted here.

 

Here I sit, broken, AGAIN! Do you want this to be you ten years from now?

 

I highly doubt it. Trust people here, only wished I'd listened.

 

BrokenHeartedSavior, out. Learned my lesson too late :(

 

John

 

Thankyou..

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VanessaVanessa Established Member

VanessaVanessa

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But it's supposed to feel good.

If it hurts like hell, it's a lousy idea. :cool:

 

It does hurt and I think I know now that in my case it would be a lousy idea in this instance. Anticipating a friendship (forcing myself to achieve that stage) is what I have been thinking, and the thing is it will only really come with time and without so much thought, if it ever does. Cannot actually see it in a near future. Continuing with n.c is for the best of interests

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BrokenHeartedSavior Established Member

BrokenHeartedSavior

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To each his or her own. I'm speaking from significant experience. But good luck to all who find happiness. I wish you the best, just speaking from experience, I didn't, and we and my ex aren't kids. I ignored wonderful advice here, thinking I was wiser, thinking MY situation was unique. yet here I sit, another summer, nine months later, Broken as ever, just starting out as she's with him.

 

Please listen to others who have been here MUCH longer.... Don't be in pain any longer than you must be.

martaldn Established Member

martaldn

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I did with my ex of 5 years.

 

we found each other on Facebook a while after we split up.

I was healed so seeing his pictures with his new GF didnt effect me at all.

 

After the split up I thought my life wouldnt never be the same and I thought i wouldnt never move on but I did.

I suffered like hell though.

 

after a while I was friend with him on Facebook his actual GF ( never met her or spoke to her ) added me on facebook too. ( he told me she was a little bit jealous of me )

then last week his sister ( she played a big role in our split up, she was very overprotective and she thought because of me she would have lost her little brother... ) sent me a friend request too - still dont know why she friended me but it felt good :D

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I have periodic contact with 2 EXs. Nobody reached out. We are all in a very small industry & are thrown together every couple of years. In that professional context we have to be polite. Given how small the circle can be enough people knew / know we had prior relationships so being rude years later would have reflected badly on both sides in that context.

 

 

When we cross paths, we make small talk -- how's business, how's the family etc. Nobody usually reaches out beyond that. Through his work e-mail I did send 1 EX the name of a specialized vendor he needed. Another EX (20 years after the fact) paid me to do a small project for him. We had no appreciable contact while I was working.

hidden_ua Member

hidden_ua

Posted
Posted

yes and was a waste and painful. you ma want to check my threads i posted.

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