elseaacych Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 My question since breaking up has been: "What can I do to be so fabulous, so beautiful, inside and out, that if or when he sees me he feels nothing but regret?" I've since taken the time to ask myself what makes ME feel fabulous and beautiful, and done my darndest to go do all of that. If he sees me, ever, I hope to be radiating nothing but confidence and charm. I will not let him bring me down anymore. 4
Author greenfairie Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 It was quite weird to tell you the truth. I went to a friend's birthday party last night. As I was standing, I feel this arm around my shoulder. I looked up, I jumped when I realized it was my ex-boyfriend. I was surprised to see him. We exchanged a few words, it was all nice. "Hi, how are you? Good. I'm doing good too." I literally sat across from him because my friend wanted to sit with our other mutual friends and he happened to be sitting with them too. I was like so close to him like so close that our knees touched. I had to move my legs away when I realized that. We talked for a while which I'm surprised by, it was all good. We haven't had a nice conversation like that since we broke up. He was so open about his life, he told me some good things, but mostly he was telling me about the **** he was going through. He sounded like he was going through SO much. I was surprised he was so honest about everything, sharing **** about his family and his personal life. I couldn't help but feel bad for him a little bit and I wanted to hug him tightly and tell him that everything's going to be okay but I didn't do that. I felt SO proud of how I handled myself when six months ago, I don't think I could talk to him. I walked away from the party feeling good. I no longer have anxiety about seeing him around anymore at mutual friend's parties. I just needed to vent and get your opinions on this. Sorry if this seems like a ramble. :/ 1
David87 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 You handled the situation very well. Are you going to remain friends with him? 1
Author greenfairie Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 You handled the situation very well. Are you going to remain friends with him? I don't really know how that is possible when we have SO much history together. Being each other's first love and everything ya know? It is possible though. I have heard in some situations that happens. I don't know if that is the case for him and I. I wouldn't say no to it but I wouldn't push the "let's be friends" on him either. I'd just let things happen naturally. 1
Author greenfairie Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 I ran into my ex boyfriend last night and I can't help but think if he thinks I'm doing good or if I look good. Because after we broke up two years ago, every time we saw each other, I was totally not in a good place at all and I lost so much weight. Now I'm in a much better place, I wonder if he notices that I am so much healthier looking than I was before. It'd be nice to know.
Author greenfairie Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Did anyone ever have this same experience? With mutual friends, this is hard to avoid after a while.
Ordinaryday Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I ran into my ex boyfriend last night and I can't help but think if he thinks I'm doing good or if I look good. Because after we broke up two years ago, every time we saw each other, I was totally not in a good place at all and I lost so much weight. Now I'm in a much better place, I wonder if he notices that I am so much healthier looking than I was before. It'd be nice to know. the trick is to get to the point where YOU DON'T CARE what they think of you because you are completely over them and their opinion of you is no longer relevant. Having said that, I will say one thing - it is almost impossible to tell how someone is doing or where they are 'at' based on seeing them briefly. I have been incredibly depressed (and still am) since being dumped but I looked at photos of myself taken recently and DAMN I still look good - just because you are hurting on the inside does not mean this is obvious on the outside. so even though you are hurting you may look 'fine' and just cos you lost weight that does not automatically mean you are doing bad - on the contrary, it is more likely he would associate it with you hitting the gym and working out, which is a good thing! 2
Ordinaryday Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Did anyone ever have this same experience? With mutual friends, this is hard to avoid after a while. my brother bumped into his ex and they both exchanged superficial pleasantries which was really just an excuse for them to try and show off to each other about how well their life is going. my brother told her about his great new job, car, house, etc, she told him about how great her new bf is, etc. I would never let my ex do that to me! if she even tried to talk to me I would just walk away and if she said anything to me to try and start a conversation I would simply say "I have nothing to say to you" and then walk off.
Chi townD Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Well, I think you handled yourself well. And I wouldn't push the being friends issue. You're close to being indifferent towards him, but not quite there yet. If you were completely indifferent, then you wouldn't have even posted here. You would have chalked it up as something that happened during your day and carried on. Good job, by the way! 1
Author greenfairie Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Well, I think you handled yourself well. And I wouldn't push the being friends issue. You're close to being indifferent towards him, but not quite there yet. If you were completely indifferent, then you wouldn't have even posted here. You would have chalked it up as something that happened during your day and carried on. Good job, by the way! You're right. I'm not going to send him a text or an email just because we had a nice convo the other night. I'm definitely not feeling indifferent towards him. I am getting there though.
Author greenfairie Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 my brother bumped into his ex and they both exchanged superficial pleasantries which was really just an excuse for them to try and show off to each other about how well their life is going. my brother told her about his great new job, car, house, etc, she told him about how great her new bf is, etc. I would never let my ex do that to me! if she even tried to talk to me I would just walk away and if she said anything to me to try and start a conversation I would simply say "I have nothing to say to you" and then walk off. I didn't act all superficial like everything was going great, definitely did not share about my new job my new boyfriend and my new place. I was just very direct and short like, "Things are going good." Sounds bitter and angry to me if an ex said that to me. I'd be like, "....Ok. That's odd." clearly have not moved past all the anger because I know once you move past all the anger and pain, the only thing left is love. Or I guess maybe love never developed in that relationship? Not sure. Only guessing here.... 1
Author greenfairie Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 My question since breaking up has been: "What can I do to be so fabulous, so beautiful, inside and out, that if or when he sees me he feels nothing but regret?" I've since taken the time to ask myself what makes ME feel fabulous and beautiful, and done my darndest to go do all of that. If he sees me, ever, I hope to be radiating nothing but confidence and charm. I will not let him bring me down anymore. I saw him again at a mutual friend's party. Luckily, I was all dressed up and had my hair done that same day. I have been in recovery from drugs as well so I see a lot more of clarity in my eyes. He is still doing drugs and when I sat down with him, he left after an hour to go in the car to do you know what. Definitely gave me some relief in why we broke up. I couldn't be with someone that does stuff like that. I felt confident and happy that night. Who knows if he noticed that?
Ordinaryday Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Sounds bitter and angry to me if an ex said that to me. I'd be like, "....Ok. That's odd." clearly have not moved past all the anger because I know once you move past all the anger and pain, the only thing left is love. Or I guess maybe love never developed in that relationship? Not sure. Only guessing here.... I don't care whether or not my ex thinks I have not moved past the 'anger' stage because the moment she dumped me her opinion of me became completely irrelevant. 1
Ordinaryday Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Lets say the guy has a great persona and is very loving but her family won't accept him and if then. If you see the dumper waking down the street with Jessica Alba you say there would be no impact? you have to get over this obsession with looks! last year my brother was in a relationship with a dragon lady who was a 10/10 lookswise but she was EVIL. She banned him from seeing his friends, banned him from playing sport, banned him from facebook, told him if he did ANYTHING she disapproved of she would leave him. she treated him like dirt, constantly bullied him and he was so depressed, and it took him six months to finally snap out of this and leave her! I asked him why he stayed and his answer was he was superficial and she was very hot, he tried to look past her bad qualities simply because she was so hot. he finally realised that LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING. get past this obsession with them, they are only ONE factor of a good relationship - I agree you DO NEED to be physically attracted to the person you are with (I could never be with a woman who was morbidly obese, maybe that makes me superficial but I just could not be attracted to a morbidly obese woman) but a cute 6/10 woman who is nice is a much better partner than a 10/10 evil supermodel
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