camelbakx Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Is it bad that I still miss him 2 years after the BU? We broke up because he "didn't want to do this anymore" and it was complicated and messy and I dont know. Anyway, we've been NC (for the most part) for about a year and a half. Most days I am fine and he's in a new relationship and everything should be fine. I really miss him though. I miss us. He was my first and maybe I'm clinging really hard onto that but I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I've thrown myself into my hobbies. I'm working more than ever, I've taken up running, I'm improving myself but nothing seems to be helping. I've been dating a bit, but I compare every guy to him which I KNOW I shouldn't be doing but I do. Has anybody else been in a situation like this? I feel pathetic for feeling this way but I really don't know what to do.
Mla Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I completely understand I was the same infact I'm same after every break up but in time someone will come along and help u to move on I wish we could do it alone but sometimes that's wa it takes us to meet someone else wen ur ready I compared my ex originally to my first but after time I realised wa I had was better in certain ways and I got over for my first ex but for years about the same amount if time I was like u jus hope ur not like it again with the next like I am lol but usually the first cut the deepest and it doesn't happen like tht again for most u get wiser and learn from it and more optimistic ul find someone else eventually and get over it jus be positive I'm too negative I can give great advice but can't take my own but jus know ur not alone iv been there too jus like many others have x
learning_slowly Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 If you still long for him this long after, there is probably something lacking in your life. Do you have many friends? Its hard when its your first, but however wonderful, you think he was, we're all human and all have our faults. He was not perfect. We're all not perfect. He no longer has feelings for you. To stop thinking about him, force yourself to think about something else immediately. If you succeed, put a $/£/other currency into a jar. This can be your "I no longer think about XXXXX fund". When it gets large enough, use it to do something you enjoy with friends/family/new partner. While doing your activity. realise you would not be doing it if you were still with him.
Absinthe Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I can relate, although I think my own situation became ridiculous because he only gave me crumbs and kept coming back, which really does a number on the psyche. People who do this are cruel. I was young and naive when I met him, but my advice to anyone now would be: if they're trying to come back, send them packing before the damage is done. Ironically the first time we broke up I was well on the way to healing in the normal way, until he came crawling back. Three attempts later and I'm done. I live on the other side of the world now, have a very busy job, many friends and hobbies, and still my mind won't let me forget. Even if I consciously forget him, he slips back into my dreams, which puts him right at the front of my mind again. The only thing I can advise is time. Plenty of it. Forcing yourself to forget won't work. Realise that one day, you WILL forget. But don't try and force it: I find the mind rarely accepts what you try and tell it to do. If it did, exams would be a whole lot easier.
dclan Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) Is it bad that I still miss him 2 years after the BU? We broke up because he "didn't want to do this anymore" and it was complicated and messy and I dont know. Anyway, we've been NC (for the most part) for about a year and a half. Most days I am fine and he's in a new relationship and everything should be fine. I really miss him though. I miss us. He was my first and maybe I'm clinging really hard onto that but I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I've thrown myself into my hobbies. I'm working more than ever, I've taken up running, I'm improving myself but nothing seems to be helping. I've been dating a bit, but I compare every guy to him which I KNOW I shouldn't be doing but I do. Has anybody else been in a situation like this? I feel pathetic for feeling this way but I really don't know what to do. There is nothing wrong with you. Time is something we tend to misunderstand. When you hear someone say:" its been 1 year since the break up..." we think of that year as a very long time. But is it really a long time? Its only 12 months...it isn't actually a long time. Also your love life was probably on hold for like 6 months of that long period. And the next 3 months was of only going out casually with people or friends. You can divide that year in different stages, and the result is that, it isn't really a long time. I broke up a year and 2 months ago. The exact day when 1 year had passed I thought to myself: "WOW has it really been a year already?" So its normal. Some people move on within weeks, others within months. Its usually not a matter of time, its about your resolve. If you have been going out with people, hanging with friends, trying to completly move on, you might have moved on in 3 or 4 months. But other people need time to ponder and think about what happened, and miss, and miss their ex, before they can start to move on. So don't think of "1 year" as a long time. Its a short period of time, only a few months of your life. :rolleyes: If u haven't date anyone you like, it might be cause none of them were worth it. You know what you want, and that is actually a good thing. It might make things a bit harder, but in the end its good. Eventually, when you meet someone you actually like, you ll start getting better. But seriously, don't get down because its been a year and a half. Its not THAT long. Edited June 9, 2014 by dclan
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