crisp Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 Most of you remember my initial story: my bf of an year stopped having sex with me one month ago. I was off pills because of a hormonal imbalance and we once tried it wit a condom. I had a little allergy, had to run to the bathroom in the middle of it... he was a bit traumatised because of it and wouldn't want to try it again. It seems there were other things - him being unsure of his physique - bull, he's got a body to die for, his not finding a job, etc. Well, he got the job and he found his long lost self esteem. Anyway, I was really really hurt last week and in need of comfort and he simply bailed out on me - didn't feel like dealing with it. Now that his well again, he keeps making sexual alusions. I said "no way Jose, I need my time to think because you were a selfish bastard". So we didn't meet this week end Yesterday he was at a party - he invited me more than once, but I told him that I didn't felt like seeing him. We were to see eachother tomorrow. Well... aparently he drank quite a lot, there was this girl trying to hit on him and near the end of the party, she asked him to accompany him outside. And he did. She started flirting with him, he told her he had a gf and she tried to kiss him. He realised he'd been playing with fire and got back inside. He went home after that. I know all this from him. And I feel... pathetic. I feel really lame. Tomorrow is St. V. We're about to celebrate our anniversary soon...and he plays mind games with foreign exchange girls He told me asap and begged me to forgive him. I am so inlove with him and I so hate him right now... I think I should brake up with him. How could he? I told him he didn't act like he had a gf. I totally trust him and I know he wouldn't cheat on me. But all his other friends( incidentally my friends too) saw the whole deal, I feel lke ****. I really really want to forgive him, but I can't. I mean it was just a flimsy girl trying to get my guy. And he actually took the bait because he loves being in the center of the attention. And tomorrow is V.Day... And I really really want to break up with him, only to make the pain stop. To punish him. HE is a selfish bastard who thinks of his needs and his needs alone. He had talked to me the night before. I have his present... I need to see him and to tell him all that... just don't know how to tell it to him. My sister told me I'm overreacting. Am I? Would you take him back? I know he's sorry. I think... I want to break up... but I'm so scared and so inlove...
Darkiya Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 Not to offend, but how old are you? "And I really really want to break up with him, only to make the pain stop. To punish him. HE is a selfish bastard who thinks of his needs and his needs alone" You don't break up with a guy to "punish" him. That's absurd. You break up with a guy because you realize he's not the guy for you and you want to move on. If you're in "love" with this guy and only want to "punish" him so you can whip him into shape and take him back again you need to mature a little bit. In fact, sounds like you both need to grow up. At least he has the decency to be open and honest with you. From the sound of it that's the sign that the guy cares enough about you not to be a two-timing bastard. Sure he may not be able to handle the emotional stress that comes from a girlfriend's torrents of emotions but if he's young and not that experienced with long-term relationships please give into account it's a learning process. Men and women think and react different from each other. He may be used to the guy reaction which is to ignore it where you wanted the girl reaction of a nurturing and caring man. If you feel this way you should explain it to him... tell him how you feel without being accusive. Say something like... "When I am feeling down, I feel that I need your company because you give me strength and make me feel better" and in doing so it frames it in a positive light without putting him on the defensive. If you really like this guy you need to be willing to be there for him and be understanding of his needs as well. Now, when it comes to flirting with that girl, do you believe that he went back inside? He told that girl he had a girlfriend and escaped the situation. That's quite the best thing to do because he realized where the line was between harmless flirtation which makes a person feel good (TELL me you don't feel warm and fuzzy when a big handsome hunk of a man calls you beautiful) and where true betrayl lies. Punish this man? No, you should thank him! You should buy HIM chocolates for Pete's sake and apologize that you've been such a hormonally imbalanced crackpot lately. Now when it comes to sex, you can abstain all you want. If he wants it and you don't... say so and he should respect that. If you continue to feel that he fails you as a boyfriend break up with him because you're not happy NOT because you want to punish him.
roxy_1980 Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 He got a little drunk and flirted with some girl. No big deal. When he realized that she wasn't gonna back off, he left. He didn't cheat, he didn't lie, he even came right out and told you. All of us should be so lucky. As for the sex thing, if it's an allergic reaction, it's probably latex. Use polyurethane condoms. Trojan Supra (regular fit) or Durex Avantis (larger fit) are now available at your local drug store (course I can only ever find them in Guardian). They unfortunately are a little more expensive, but worth it for us latex allergic girls.
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