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I keep putting off/flaking on the guy I'm dating!


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Posted

Hi all,

 

I'm 29 (girl), the guy is 25. I have been talking to him (matched on Tinder) since April, and I wasn't sure I was up for anything romantic as Ive been exhausted by work lately, or keen on meeting someone I met online (first real experience of it), but we eventually met a month ago.

 

He asked what I was looking for, I told him that I got out of a relationship 6 months ago and just wanted to chill (ie casual), he said exactly the same for him. The age difference meant I just thought of it as something casual, too. I've only really done relationships and this is the first time Ive tried to start a casual one, but with care and respect.

 

We went for drinks then lunch, the out to dinner with a movie at his place after (no sex, i went home as I had to work in the morning) then the last time we went to a show then I slept at his and we had amazing sex. He was very sweet saying things like "why are you single, you're the whole package" and telling me personal things saying "you'll have to know eventually, so I'm telling you this now" (not bad things), and so on. We text every day.

 

We were meant to meet up last week but I was too busy, then tonight but I'm sick, and I don;'t want to hurt his feelings as I think that he is possibly getting excited about the thought of more than a casual thing. He just offered to make me feel better and bring me supplies.

 

I am marginally comfy with this as I do like him and think he's a really nice guy, but i'm cautious of losing my independence right now. Do I tell him thanks, but I'd rather see you when Im better (ie dont bring stuff round to my house)?

 

Thanks.

Posted

Seems like you want him to back off a bit. Which is understandable.

Yeah. Tell him just that.

I dont think you have a real question.

 

I dont understand how anyone can lose their independence willingly, if they dont want to

Posted

How did you react to his bonding? Did you make it clear you're not interested in a RS right now? He may have taken your response to push on.

Posted

Yes tell him that you will see him when you feel better as he is becoming too pushy.

This will remind him that you are only after something casual

Posted

When I put dates off that's because I am not that into the guy. I did it with pretty much every guy I dated last year.

 

My thought process goes like this: "Eh CBF going on this date. I would rather do almost anything else". Then "I should try. He seems like a good guy. I am not getting any younger." Then "I just can't". Then "I know! I will just postpone it so that I don't lose the chance alltogether but I don't have to go right now. Phew."

 

Then rinse and repeat next time. Sorry needed to vent :(

Posted

Nice sig, ES :) Also feel for ya. Tried OLD recently for the first time. I find it very hard to make the initial connection...

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