Author blackwidow290 Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 I would like to thank everyone for providing their insight. Thank you for your support. It is deeply appreciated.
BC1980 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Whether or not it's about marriage, he misled her. They want different things out of life. My ex of 3 years misled me, talking about marriage and family from the start. He kept saying he wanted to get married but would always come up with some reason we had to wait. This guy would have kept doing the same thing to her. There are many couples who never get married, and it's okay for them. However, OP says marriage is important to her, and her ex didn't want that. She was right to leave. She can now be freed up to find someone who shares her want for marriage. At some point, you have to fish or cut bait, and he wasn't going to have the b@lls to cut bait. She had to do it.
jbelle6 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Absolutely the correct move. I feel that a 33 year old man who has a stable career should know whether or not they want to marry a woman by 4 years. No one is knocking him, we are just saying you seem to want different things so why waste more time.
jbelle6 Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 So yo have the perfect relationship but he doesn't want to get married yet so you dump him? Have you ever really discussed marriage with him? Or do you just want to bully him into marriage? It's not perfect if their values are different. Not perfect at all. If she wants children there is a certain window, and if she wants children in wedlock then she needs to move on and not waste more years. A man of 33 should know what he wants, so if he doesn't want what op wants then she made a good call. 2
suelan1006 Posted June 30, 2014 Posted June 30, 2014 (edited) It is so interesting that people can have uncannily similar experience. I ended a four year relationship about four months ago, on the 4 year anniversary, for the exact same reason - no proposal. Similar to OP, we did not move in together. We did plan to get a place together last year, but he ended up getting a one-bedroom apt. We talked about marriage, future etc.. I have been dropping small clues for a whole year, up to a point I told him straight forward "I will not date for more than 4 years, and by not dating, I mean engagement". He nodded okay. I was counting the days before the four year mark. And guess what, on the 4 year anniversary night, he gave me 80 dollars cash as gift. At that moment, when I saw the 80 bucks, I did not feel sadness, depression, anger, nothing. All I felt was exhaustion. The next day I broke it off. He accepted my decision. The next thing he did was to go into his room and change his Facebook status to single. I was speechless. My ex was implying a ring was coming during the last year of our relationship, like saying “maybe I am putting aside some money every month for a ring" or "I think tomorrow will be a very special day(our 3 year anniversary)" So as I am sure you can imagine, I was expecting and disappointed constantly. Expectations are building blocks to resentment. In Greek mythology, Tantalus was punished by Zeus to stand in a pool with water beneath a fruit tree with low branches, and the fruit will elude his grasp, and the water always recede before he could take a drink. So this man can see the sparkly water and juicy fruit so close but he can never get it. That was me. I feel I was punished by wanting to take a further step in my relationship. It has been four months since the breakup. It ended the day after Valentine's Day. Several weeks ago, I came up with a email and saved it in my cell. Every time I miss my ex, I will read aloud this email: "He does not love you. He does not see a future with you. He does not want to marry you now or any other time. He would be serious with you if he took action. He did NOT. So far what you have is promise. TALK IS CHEAP! NO PROOF! HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. RECLAIM YOUR LIFE!" I am doing much better now. I picked up horseback riding, jogging, and considering archery. I have lost 7 pounds. I feel happy and full of life Went on a couple of dates. No one I felt a connection yet but it was a ego booster to have men courting me. It was definitely the right thing to do. So how about you OP? How are you doing? Edited June 30, 2014 by suelan1006 2
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