therealfrench Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Hi everyone, I have been dating a guy that I really like for a bit more than 2 months now. I have asked to be exclusive a few weeks ago, to which he replied that he liked me, that we had a good time every time we saw each other, but that he didn’t see “what we have” as something that would become exclusive too quickly. At the time I was only dating him, and I feel like he knew he had a 100% hold on me (he was aware I was only dating him). Ever since I haven’t mentioned exclusivity again, and I’ve been acting detached in order to make him pursue me, not texting, not doing anything at all actually, which worked very well so far, as he’s been the one texting and making plans. I know pressuring him about exclusivity would be counterproductive. I have also started dating someone else in order to not focus too much on him. He seems to be very jealous about the other guy, constantly mentioning him when we see each other, comparing himself to him and trying to gain reassurance (“Is he taller?”, “Is he really funnier?”, “I’m sure I’m funnier than him!” - this kind of stuff). We had a conversation on our last (amazing) date about the 2 other girls that he’s been dating. I have been on more dates with him than these girls, but I have asked him why he hasn’t become exclusive with one of them yet, because I knew that by asking this I would gain information about our own relationship. He said that it’s because he didn’t see a future with these girls. He knows that the other man I am dating is really into me and that he is going to ask for exclusivity soon (I can see it coming myself). In fact, when we were on our last date, the other man has been texting me constantly, and the more the other man was texting, the more jealous/affectionate/attentive he was. Also, during dinner, he said after a long silence: ‘I just realized that it may be the last time we are seeing each other, since the other guy will probably ask you to be exclusive’. The fact that he didn’t ask for exclusivity must mean that he doesn’t see a future with me as well. Yet I am trying to understand why he is jealous (and still pursuing me) if we really don’t have one.
MidwestUSA Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 He's a game player who wants ALL the cake(s). Whether or not the other guy is going to ask for exclusivity, you have to let this one go. Good riddance. Seriously, 'is he funnier?' 'Is he taller?'.
HappyLove Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Good for you for finding another guy who is not afraid to show genuine interest in you. Why are you still wasting time with the other one? Who cares if he's jealous or not? He's not jealous enough to stop dating the two other women. He's not into you and he's willing to take what he can get for the time being.
deathandtaxes Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 This again? If he's not willing to be exclusive, and it's what YOU want, why in the **** are you seeing him???? And you're playing games, too, which is just as bad as him. Why, OP, why?
chelsea2011 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 This again? If he's not willing to be exclusive, and it's what YOU want, why in the **** are you seeing him???? And you're playing games, too, which is just as bad as him. Why, OP, why? This 100%. Quit playing games with him because you can't change him. He is who he is and he is definitely showing you that. Focus on dating others instead of trying to figure him out. That's exactly what he wants meaning he's trying get you on the hook so he can control you. Block him and go no contact and fcus on dating others instead. Don't get caught in his emotional intimacy issues trap. That is all it is. This is coming from a voice of experience. 1
kane30us Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 (edited) I'm curious - How old are you and the men you're dating? Because both of are playing games with each other. Anyway, I personally think you should dump the first guy because he sounds like a child. But its obvious you really like him because you logged into a blog to write about him. More important; how do you feel about the "other guy"? If he's going to ask you to be exclusive, then he must really like you. If you don't feel the same about him then please don't lead him on. I think its hurtful and wrong to date someone just so you can get a response from the guy you really like to commit to you. It sounds to me you enjoy making him jealous. You're no different then him. But if you really like "the other guy" then be with him. It sounds to me he's better for you. Then again I think the other guy should dump you. Because he deserves better then being used... Edited June 8, 2014 by kane30us
contact1 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Ugh, this is why I am glad I don't have to date anymore, too many stupid games of trying to make one side to do something else.
preraph Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 People are jealous because they have jealousy in them, not because they only get jealous from real love. It's self-esteem. Controlling jealous ones (not him) think they couldn't possibly keep a girl without forcing them to stay through control. This one isn't that far gone, yet at least, but like a lot of guys he puts more value in a woman who other men value. I think that may have to do with them not trusting their own taste and values, but it also has to do with just competition and that old crap you always hear about because of caveman days, it's genetic that a lot of men just like the hunt -- and competition enhances it. I try not to take that too serious, but it can't be denied that a woman not being too available or too desperate or whatever (and men too) is a bigger turn on to the opposite sex. It shows they have confidence and other options. I say keep your options open on all fronts. But obviously, he's not ready to commit to anyone at this time, so....at least he as good as said so and was basically honest about it. 1
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