Stood up. WHY? What is WRONG with this man?

[waiting4u]

Yikes, this is cringeworthy!

 

But yeah, this guy does not seem interested in you. However, you've made so many excuses for him that he doesn't even have to make any for himself.

 

Yeah, that was a drunk text. Seriously unbelievable. And to think I stopped seeing a perfectly nice guy a couple weeks ago because I just didn't feel the chemistry.

[Sunfire73]

Seems like he has a lot going on in his life and doesn't have time for a serious relationship. That's why he hasn't initiate. He might be into you or not. But the thing is, he's not emotionally available and all you can get is something casual. A guy who is looking for a relationship will initiate dates, and will have time. This guy obviously doesn't.

[HappyLove]

Yeah, that was a drunk text. Seriously unbelievable. And to think I stopped seeing a perfectly nice guy a couple weeks ago because I just didn't feel the chemistry.

 

Seems like you're still dating like your 16 years old instead of a 40(?) year old. Did he even call you last night or did you call him? Don't you think a man who really wants to date you after making you so upset he would of said something like 'are you free this weekend I'd like to make it up to you'. Keep your options open and stop getting too emotionally attached to men who have given you no reason to. He's a flake and has proven it twice. Next one is on you. You can NOT be surprised if he lets you down again.

[scorpiogirl]

Yeah, it's all crap, I know. He texted good morning, and liked a bunch of my Facebook posts today, and I'm just thinking wtf I'm so stupid.

 

And no, he hasn't asked me out a second time. I guess I'm just wondering what to do from here. He's just going to keep stringing me along if I keep in contact with him, so what? Don't reply if he texts again? Go no contact?

 

Ugh, I can't believe I've let it go this far. Yesterday was flipping horrible.

 

DO NOT suggest meeting up in any way.

He's an idiot but you seem to flip-flop between knowing that and being caught up in chemistry and falling for his excuses ( I've done that too). No need to reply to anything unless he's asking you out on a date. He will keep being this wishy-washy person while you let him.

 

If he sees you not replying he might act all hurt and offended and really make you believe he's going to try. He won't try. Something will always come up and you'll be left hanging. ( this is my current situation)

[writergal]

Seems like he has a lot going on in his life and doesn't have time for a serious relationship. That's why he hasn't initiate. He might be into you or not. But the thing is, he's not emotionally available and all you can get is something casual. A guy who is looking for a relationship will initiate dates, and will have time. This guy obviously doesn't.

 

 

Exactly! When a guy isn't emotionally available he won't follow through on any promises he makes to you about staying in touch or setting up a second date.

 

Who knows why he's "liking" your Facebook posts, or why he texts you. My thought is that he's fine with you being just another "online friend" and only that.

 

Like Sunfire, myself and others have said; if a guy wants to date you, he will initiate dates and will make time for you.

 

Based on his actions offline, (always go by someone's actions, not words) he's just not interested in anything serious with you. So he's not worth you worrying about.

 

Now that you have a cute workout outfit, go flaunt your stuff at the gym and have fun being single. He's just one guy.

[stillafool]

 

It's just this guy is my unicorn - my exact physical type. Mysterious and

gorgeous.

 

Don't think for one moment this guy doesn't know this. This is why he is never available. He probably says "hey gorgeous" to all the women so he doesn't have to remember their names.

[spiderowl]

Yeah, I almost get the sense that he doesn't really understand how things work with the opposite sex. Not like he's stupid but there's a disconnect. Even this situation - I really believed he was at the airport. And the whole :-/ thing after - like he didn't understand why I had called off the date and wasn't willing to sit around all day waiting for him to call. It's bizarre. And over - unless he starts chasing and apologizing and all that. Deleted his number from my phone.

 

Sounds immature to me. Attractive guys can have their pick and behave badly and get away with it. They don't usually have any reason to grow up and learn how to treat people.

 

I was in touch with a guy recently that I liked the sound of. He said lots of nice things about me, says he'd like to keep in touch, enjoyed talking to me, etc. etc. and then doesn't message or text. I sent him a couple of messages, just friendly ones, and he responded, sounding pleased and happy, and will "certainly" be keeping in touch (not that I asked him to). So, it all sounds good. But, whatever he says, he does not follow up within a reasonable time. I can make excuses for him. I know he's very busy with his job and works long hours, but actually I know that if a guy's interested, he WILL be in touch. He won't be able to hold back. So, that's it really. I don't make any more effort until I get some positive initiatives from him, and even then I think I'd doubt him now. He's not particularly good looking or anything, but is attractive and seemed nice all round. I do believe if a guy is interested, you will know it and they won't mess you around.

[BradJacobs]

Plus he's thrilled that we go to the same gym, which I don't think he would be if he planned to have sex with me and drop me.

Weird thing to say considering that you just relayed the reasons why he hasn't made time for you.

[todreaminblue]

" his half-hearted and vague attempts to initiate a second date made me think he wasn’t interested."

 

"People show you who they are the first time. Believe them."- Dr Maya Angelou.

 

 

 

I agree with you completely with your quote, if a person is good and you feel that the first time, its a reason for chances and forgiveness, if they show you a side that is less than exemplary or rude up front from first meetings or contact, cull them early from your intentions.

 

I know this man who at first sight and first few contacts exhibited loyal and wonderful traits, was passionate in every way about supporting others, he has been going through hard times of late, he has changed and is now appearing not to be loyal or thoughtful,weighted with family issues that hold him from expressing himself the way he used to i feel

 

I wont give up because i catch glimpses and its all still there in a smile towards others or in a few carefully chosen simple words i can bring it out again and know he is thoughtful.

 

You don't spend time however with someone who makes no effort to show you , that they actually care for you, it is self depreciation in action.

 

 

good luck .......deb

[MissBee]

Why would a guy do this? 2nd date – 1st was a couple months ago, was fantastic, but his half-hearted and vague attempts to initiate a second date made me think he wasn’t interested. We get back in touch earlier this week, he says I was being “distant” before so he thought I wasn’t interested and never followed up. He suggested we get together Sunday and go trail running so I agreed.

 

So we’re supposed to meet up at 8am and he texts me “good morning” at 7am, says he’s at the airport picking up his sister and her plane is delayed, and he wanted me to know in case he was running late. I’m thinking why would he schedule a morning running date if his sister is arriving in town the same day? but I was like “it’s cool, when is the plane supposed to arrive?” He says 8:15. We have a long-ish text convo about workouts, etc. (me assuming he’s sitting at the airport waiting). Then I said “so you won’t be back until 9-ish looks like, let me know when you’re done” and he said he would.

 

9:35 still nothing, 10:10 and I finally called it off and texted “Maybe you need to spend some time with your family today. Have a great day!” At least kept my cool, but I'm so angry and hurt. I mean, he’s 2 hours late at this point! It’s 10:45 and he still hasn’t responded. WHY? Why put a girl through this? It’s hurtful and awful. Why not just ignore me if he’s not interested? I bought a cute running outfit, woke up early to shower, etc. WHAT THE F*CK? Is there any excuse?

 

I've shed some tears about this one. Normally I would have dismissed him long ago - and I tried. It's just this guy is my unicorn - my exact physical type. Mysterious and gorgeous. I turn into goo around him. I've made excuses for his lack of initiative - he's shy around women, he's self-conscious, his family wouldn't approve of me (they are Muslim but he claims to be an atheist), he's never been married and has no children (and I don't want any). But why play around with me like this? WHY WHY WHY?

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this...but it happens to the best of us.

 

However, this should be a lesson that "mysterious and gorgeous" and him being your exact physical type aren't actually that important in the grand scheme of things if the person has those qualities but isn't a decent person.

 

"Mysterious" men are usually very UNAVAILABLE...lesson I've learned.

 

Anyway, the signs were written on the wall OP, but you persisted and excused his behavior because you were smitten by him being "mysterious and gorgeous", but the first red flag was that you had a first date MONTHS ago and have never gone out since.......come on...a man into you would never allow that to happen. You should have dropped him then, not made excuses. He's a flake and not that interested and I hope if and when he pops up days, weeks or months later like nothing happened you don't fall for it.

[waiting4u]

You guys are really great. I really appreciate the support right now. This whole situation sucks - I really liked this guy and been infatuated for a while. I did text him and tell him I'd been thinking about it and our conversation last night was a mistake. I said something to the effect of "I'm done. Take care." He said "you take care too" and then proceeded to (within 15 minutes) block me on Facebook and unfollow me on twitter. Gheesh. I guess I pissed him off. He deserves it.

 

Bottom line was I was still really angry today, no matter what our conversation was last night or his texts this morning. What he did yesterday was crap. And he should have followed up with let me take you out and make it up to you, or some suggestion of meeting up. It's about respect.

 

I really appreciate you all taking the time to comment on this. I'm going total no contact. And it will be hard because my birthday is in a few days. I'll come back and read this thread every time I second guess my decision. By telling him I was done, I took back control of the situation and that's a huge victory after being so humiliated. I deserve better.

[waiting4u]

1: This guy is doing this to you because you let him.

 

2: This is what happens when you prioritize shallow desires (OMG he's so hot!) over something more meaningful (Like, maybe dating a decent guy.)

 

3: You did not teach this guy a lesson in any way. You were the one who was emotionally invested, not him.

 

4: Learn to quit letting people act like douchebags and walk all over you just because they are attractive. if I acted like a fool over the hot women I've met, I would be too ashamed to even tell anyone about it.

 

5: Some things are more important than hotness. Once you learn this, you might have better luck in relationships.

 

A little kindness at this point is in order I think. I get it. And #3 - I did teach him a lesson, and that's basically that he can't walk all over me because he's attractive. I didn't sleep with him, and I didn't give him a chance to ask me out again.

 

You don't have to be nasty. I've had a crap couple of days as it is. Thank you very much. And it's nice to know that you have NEVER "acted a fool over the hot women [you've] met." Good for you, you perfect righteous being.

[jbelle6]

Hey OP! Sorry you went through all that.

Don't get caught up in looks, and don't let it blind you to the ugliness that is on the inside.

 

Don't go by the words slick people feed you, ignore all of that and go by their actions only. Don't analyze everything. Just go by what they do. NOT WHAT THEY SAY.

 

And don't add first dates etc to facebook.

[writergal]

Exactly. Dating without social media like Facebook was so much easier.

 

All you had was a LAN line phone to reach each other, and if you were lucky, an answering machine with a cassette tape (watch the movie: Singles).

 

None of this Facebook, email, Twitter, or even cellphones and all those dating apps. I sound like an old fogie now (haha).

 

Vinyl records and LAN line phones. Those were the days.

Edited June 10, 2014 by writergal

[jbelle6]

Exactly. Dating without social media like Facebook was so much easier.

 

All you had was a LAN line phone to reach each other, and if you were lucky, an answering machine with a cassette tape (watch the movie: Singles).

 

None of this Facebook, email, Twitter, or even cellphones and all those dating apps. I sound like an old fogie now (haha).

 

Vinyl records and LAN line phones. Those were the days.

 

 

 

Mixed tapes <3

And if they dumped you and you wanted to get $hit faced drunk you had no cell to drunk call or text them, and no one to take photos of the debauchery! Except I did request songs on the radio to the boy who dumped me in 10th grade.

 

See OP, it's not your fault, those damn phones!!!!!!!!!!! You would not have gotten in this situation if you could have just gotten drunk in peace!

Ah well, bet you looked cute in your outfit and what I have found from falling for these types is that your bullcrap radar gets more finely tuned.

[todreaminblue]

You guys are really great. I really appreciate the support right now. This whole situation sucks - I really liked this guy and been infatuated for a while. I did text him and tell him I'd been thinking about it and our conversation last night was a mistake. I said something to the effect of "I'm done. Take care." He said "you take care too" and then proceeded to (within 15 minutes) block me on Facebook and unfollow me on twitter. Gheesh. I guess I pissed him off. He deserves it.

 

Bottom line was I was still really angry today, no matter what our conversation was last night or his texts this morning. What he did yesterday was crap. And he should have followed up with let me take you out and make it up to you, or some suggestion of meeting up. It's about respect.

 

I really appreciate you all taking the time to comment on this. I'm going total no contact. And it will be hard because my birthday is in a few days. I'll come back and read this thread every time I second guess my decision. By telling him I was done, I took back control of the situation and that's a huge victory after being so humiliated. I deserve better.

 

i in a moment of pure hurt weakness did this block thing on face book(which i dont particularly follow anyway) to the guy i spoke of because he ridiculed me.......and hurt my heart quite badly, he actually made my child at heart feel old and ugly, then he proceeded to turn the thorn with laughing at her efforts t apologize for making him uncomfortable ,steam arises then with me...... which yes set off a chain of reaction, but i have issues myself to deal with that are quite hard, only god knows how hard i am not even quite sure how i make it bar his help, i then proceeded to unblock him within a day and heal...lol..my family not so forgiving but they have now they see i care about him.ahem i am not one to hold a grudge and my heart never does my family have hurt em too and appreciate my hearts ability to move on so they trust my heart and who i choose to so care about because i care for them regardless of hurt..........i follow my hearts advice because its a very loving heart that is often easily offended or hurt...give chances and you get respect for forgiving and are easily forgiven...deb

[writergal]

OMG!! I still have mixed tapes from my high school and college boyfriends! (How long does cassette tape last? Haha) That's when you KNEW it was real...if a guy spent hours mixing your favorite songs (120 minutes, 60 minutes a side!) on a tape. I want a guy to mix me a tape now.

 

I know. There was no way to drunk text a guy who dumped you. Haha!

 

OP, just use this as another dating experience to learn from and hopefully you'll recognize the red flags ahead of time.

 

Mixed tapes <3

And if they dumped you and you wanted to get $hit faced drunk you had no cell to drunk call or text them, and no one to take photos of the debauchery! Except I did request songs on the radio to the boy who dumped me in 10th grade.

 

See OP, it's not your fault, those damn phones!!!!!!!!!!! You would not have gotten in this situation if you could have just gotten drunk in peace!

Ah well, bet you looked cute in your outfit and what I have found from falling for these types is that your bullcrap radar gets more finely tuned.

[Leigh 87]

You guys are really great. I really appreciate the support right now. This whole situation sucks - I really liked this guy and been infatuated for a while. I did text him and tell him I'd been thinking about it and our conversation last night was a mistake. I said something to the effect of "I'm done. Take care." He said "you take care too" and then proceeded to (within 15 minutes) block me on Facebook and unfollow me on twitter. Gheesh. I guess I pissed him off. He deserves it.

 

Bottom line was I was still really angry today, no matter what our conversation was last night or his texts this morning. What he did yesterday was crap. And he should have followed up with let me take you out and make it up to you, or some suggestion of meeting up. It's about respect.

 

I really appreciate you all taking the time to comment on this. I'm going total no contact. And it will be hard because my birthday is in a few days. I'll come back and read this thread every time I second guess my decision. By telling him I was done, I took back control of the situation and that's a huge victory after being so humiliated. I deserve better.

 

 

Good on you.

 

It is a rarity when a woman sees the truth opposed to what she WANT to see.

 

Once most women are smitten with a guy and have the chemical high, they start to make any excuse under the sun for his apparent lack of interest.

 

It can be very hard dating; I thought 3 guys from last year were DEFINITELY interested in me..... thought they were into me. Turns out there were not and it was me projecting my own feelings onto them.

 

It sucks in a day and age where men can act head over heels for you in some ways (these guys acted very into me) when they actually don't like you all that much.

 

There are normally some signs that a guy is not that into you even while he is gazing adoringly in your precense. For example: they don't reply to your text for over a day (fair enough some men are casual with texting and don't need daily contact BUT they still reply to a girl they are very much into). Other tell tale signs they are NOT into you are that they dissapear for more than a week at a time.

 

Not following through on plans and easettally flaking and then only telling you after the fact is another sure sign that a guy is NOT that interested in you.

[ja123]

Hope you're feeling better. I don't know if this is the case in your situation, but you might want to look at a website called baggagereclaim and search for "emotionally unavailable". She talks about how women might choose emotionally unavailable men because we ourselves are emotionally unavailable.

 

Food for thought.

[ExpatInItaly]

You guys are really great. I really appreciate the support right now. This whole situation sucks - I really liked this guy and been infatuated for a while. I did text him and tell him I'd been thinking about it and our conversation last night was a mistake. I said something to the effect of "I'm done. Take care." He said "you take care too" and then proceeded to (within 15 minutes) block me on Facebook and unfollow me on twitter. Gheesh. I guess I pissed him off. He deserves it.

 

Bottom line was I was still really angry today, no matter what our conversation was last night or his texts this morning. What he did yesterday was crap. And he should have followed up with let me take you out and make it up to you, or some suggestion of meeting up. It's about respect.

 

I really appreciate you all taking the time to comment on this. I'm going total no contact. And it will be hard because my birthday is in a few days. I'll come back and read this thread every time I second guess my decision. By telling him I was done, I took back control of the situation and that's a huge victory after being so humiliated. I deserve better.

 

OP, sincere question, what was your goal in saying this?

 

I understand you were angry. But you can't be too shocked that he then proceeded to block you. In any event, be glad he's not in your life anymore. In future, don't get too invested too early. A lot of people can sense that and will take advantage of it.

[writergal]

OP, sincere question, what was your goal in saying this?

 

I understand you were angry. But you can't be too shocked that he then proceeded to block you. In any event, be glad he's not in your life anymore. In future, don't get too invested too early. A lot of people can sense that and will take advantage of it.[/QUOTE]

 

This is so true and it's unfortunate that there are people out there who will do that. But now that you've had an encounter with someone like that, you know what to look out for next time and not to allow yourself to take what a guy says at face value, aka "slick words."

[waiting4u]

OP, sincere question, what was your goal in saying this?

 

I understand you were angry. But you can't be too shocked that he then proceeded to block you. In any event, be glad he's not in your life anymore. In future, don't get too invested too early. A lot of people can sense that and will take advantage of it.

 

My goal in texting "I'm done" was to cut him out of my life, as I should have done Sunday when he stood me up. I'm not "shocked" that he blocked me, I was just providing an update on his reaction. And for the record, I do tend to behave like an adult with men. It's just this particular one sort of threw me over.

[waiting4u]

Hope you're feeling better. I don't know if this is the case in your situation, but you might want to look at a website called baggagereclaim and search for "emotionally unavailable". She talks about how women might choose emotionally unavailable men because we ourselves are emotionally unavailable.

 

Food for thought.

 

Exactly. I've read some of this blog and it's excellent. I do appreciate all the support. This one has been difficult. Funny I've dated a lot of perfectly nice men with which I had no problem behaving myself. It's just the one who's not interested in me that I want.

[MissBee]

Hope you're feeling better. I don't know if this is the case in your situation, but you might want to look at a website called baggagereclaim and search for "emotionally unavailable". She talks about how women might choose emotionally unavailable men because we ourselves are emotionally unavailable.

 

Food for thought.

 

Yupp, awesome website and this situation reminds me of her articles on people being worked up about relationships that weren't...i..e. the emotional investment made and devastation felt do not match reality---there was no relationship.

 

OP, I think this will shed some light on your feelings. You've posted a lot before on essentially not being attracted to decent men but mostly being attracted to men who aren't right for you. Funnily, unavailable women tend to attract unavailable men as well, except in women it manifests as them being the ones who think they so want a relationship with these people and so it isn't obvious that they are unavailable too, but they are or else they'd not be so invested in these non-relationships and wouldn't constantly choose these situations and men who can never provide a real relationship.

 

Been there, done that, getting over it!

 

I think it would be good for you to check it out and especially the selections about how and why women esp get invested in a non-relationship, which is what you had with this guy. You're devastated over an infatuation and one date, and him flaking, but otherwise it wasn't like you had a substantial relationship...which means that a lot of your upset feelings are projections and also about yourself, which is good to know, as once you start realizing that a lot of it is about you and your feelings about yourself, it's easier to do something about vs. what you're doing now which is talking about how much he should have done this and should have done that and you taught him a lesson and him him him...when this dude doesn't care. He isn't at home licking his wounds saying "Man she taught me..." he doesn't care, he never cared that much and won't start now and none of what you thought he should do matters as he didn't do it and won't...so yea...check it out!

[stillafool]

You guys are really great. I really appreciate the support right now. This whole situation sucks - I really liked this guy and been infatuated for a while. I did text him and tell him I'd been thinking about it and our conversation last night was a mistake. I said something to the effect of "I'm done. Take care." He said "you take care too" and then proceeded to (within 15 minutes) block me on Facebook and unfollow me on twitter. Gheesh. I guess I pissed him off. He deserves it.

 

Bottom line was I was still really angry today, no matter what our conversation was last night or his texts this morning. What he did yesterday was crap. And he should have followed up with let me take you out and make it up to you, or some suggestion of meeting up. It's about respect.

 

I really appreciate you all taking the time to comment on this. I'm going total no contact. And it will be hard because my birthday is in a few days. I'll come back and read this thread every time I second guess my decision. By telling him I was done, I took back control of the situation and that's a huge victory after being so humiliated. I deserve better.

 

Good for you. He was quick to accept your decision because he isn't suffering for sex. He is probably juggling several women and telling them all the same thing. I hope you find someone better soon because you deserve it.