mutant Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 <p>FWB relationship is going sour... She seems interested in another man and I don't want to be a third wheel. I don't have evidence whether she is screwing this guy but my gut feeling is that I should end it. She is a colleague and I want to end it in the most amicable way and hopefully continue with a mutual work relationship. I think I have two options</p><p> </p><p>1. Be open and tell her what I think and why the fwb should end. I guess she could deny having a relationship with this guy and turn it on me.</p><p> </p><p>2. Go silent on matters relating to the fwb and engage with her only for official reasons.</p><p> </p><p>She has said in the past that she would be ok with an exclusive relationship as she likes me. I need more perspective on this before I act.</p>
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 If you like her than why didn't you make this an exclusive relationship? You did not act so what do you expect her to do, she is a single woman, she is free to date other men.
zen2475 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I agree with Gaeta. A FWB relationship is meant to have no strings and each person is free to date anyone else. Sometimes in FWB relationships one person ends up having feelings for the other, as it has in your case. You don't know for sure what level of feelings she has for this other guy, or what is really going on between them. Rather than back off, be true to yourself and your true feelings and just go for it. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. You could end up with a really wonderful relationship.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 However, That being said. You should make sure you're going exclusive for the right reasons. Since your desire to seems to have come up after the thought of this other guy, make sure you are becoming involved because you WANT to and not purely out of desire to keep her. Doing that could end disastrously and if you work together, could make things really complicated.
Author mutant Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 I appreciate your responses. I agree I have developed feelings for her over time since we've been together for about nine months. However, I cannot get into a serious relationship with her for a few reasons which I won't discuss here. I also realize she is free to see/screw anyone she fancies and I have no moral right to criticize her. However, I am also not willing to share a girl with anyone whether emotionally or physically and this is the primary reason why I want to end the FWB ASAP. I also realize that this may have some ramifications considering she is my workmate and may not take this too well. She has been contacting me throughout this weekend and I have been giving her short replies to her texts and calls and it wont be too long before she figures out something is amiss. My question is how do I end this amicably? Should I be honest and tell her I need to check out? or do I act cold till she realizes I am done with this FWB. The second option is cowardly but may be better in the long run. I really don't know what to do here.
stillfiguringitallou Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I would be honest- you are not in an exclusive relationship. Be honest that you are no longer interested 1
juicygirl Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I wouldn't tell her anything, you're fwb, there's no need to have a sit down and 'break up' When she texts be polite but you don't need to always reply and if she asks to come over, just make up soon lame excuse or don't reply. If she corners you at work then you tell her you're not interested. 1
Author mutant Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 Ok, I have decided to tell her that I am not comfortable with the FWB but would like to keep the mutual work-relationship that already exists between us. This won't be easy because we basically work as a duo. Thanks for the responses.
Author mutant Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 It ended up being a 23 minute conversation on the phone. She asked lots of questions and I answered most of them stating the evidence I have and she couldn't argue against it. I reminded her she has the right to date whoever she wants and I respect that. Problem is I am not ready to share a woman emotionally/physically. She appreciated my honesty and I hope this will make it easy for us to move forward. We have lots of tasks to complete together. I didn't want to be passive aggressive at work so this serves me best. Thanks for all your inputs 2
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