WeGonnaMakeIt Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Basically, she was with him for 4 years, she lives near him (same town) and they have the same friend group... Heres the problem; - She doesnt want to tell him about me and her because she doesnt want to break up the group, she doesnt want people to treat her different or act different with her. Her parents said to her to tell him about us or they are not going to allow me to go around theres because they dont want to be caught up in it all. - Ive spoke to her about him and how i dont like her seeing him that much, she said 'Im always going to see him, just not in that way' - Its a friend group of about 8/9 people, they all go to parties etc together I seriously like this girl, and in 3 months she will be going to university in an area I used to live and have family, so it would be easy for me to move back up there, Im not just moving up there because of that though, I want to police that area rather than the area I currently live in (I want to be a police officer, currently going through the stages of applying) What should I do? It feels like shes putting her ex before me all the time and she says she doesnt want to get back with him and the relationship they had was bad and apparently she doesnt like the way he is now... I understand that he was a big part of her life, but if shes saying she wants to be with me, why is she putting him before me for the sake of the friendship? She doesnt want to tell him, but I asked her if she cared if he would find out; she said 'Im not going to tell him, but if he finds out...he finds out'. If I break up with her, I will 100% be telling him. When she goes to uni, I know for a fact they will hardly ever see each other, so do I wait it out? What should I do?
marcjb Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 She is putting her ex before you. I would not tolerate it.
Bonnie Potter Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Unless the ex turned gay since the breakup, which is unlikely, there could be something there... I wouldn't trust a guy at all if he did this. 1
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 When she goes to uni, I know for a fact they will hardly ever see each other, so do I wait it out? What should I do? That does not change a thing. You will still remain number 2 in her heart, right. The fact she wants to remain friend with an ex is not the big deal here, it's the fact she does not want to tell him about you. That, in my book, is unacceptable and ground to break up the relationship.
Author WeGonnaMakeIt Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 That does not change a thing. You will still remain number 2 in her heart, right. The fact she wants to remain friend with an ex is not the big deal here, it's the fact she does not want to tell him about you. That, in my book, is unacceptable and ground to break up the relationship. She said she doesnt want his friends to treat her different though? Like they are her only friends... If they dont want her there cos of this, she'll have no one? I even said to her, if your friends ditch you because of that, then they are not real friends.
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 She said she doesnt want his friends to treat her different though? Like they are her only friends... If they dont want her there cos of this, she'll have no one? I even said to her, if your friends ditch you because of that, then they are not real friends. That makes no sense what so ever!! So she will have to pretend being single for the rest of her life to fit into this group? Do you know any other guy that would date her under these conditions? Even her parents think it's non sense.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Not good, OP. She is putting her ex before you. I would not be okay with that at all. She isn't ready to let him go yet, which speaks volumes about her feelings towards you.
Author WeGonnaMakeIt Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 After this little break, im gonna give her an ultimatum, me or him. If she still dont wanna tell him, ill tell her to do one, then it'll be a no-contact job from there 1
Author WeGonnaMakeIt Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 I said to her we should have a break, I said this to her yesterday... Im gonna give her time to miss me and realise if she really wants this or not
Spectre Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Honestly? I'd stay broken up with her. Her saying "I am always going to see him" is all you need to know. Sorry, this is an ex and they broke up for a reason. This is why people shouldn't date good friends. When it doesn't work out you expect your next partner to just deal with the fact your gf is still friends with some dude she used to bang, which sorry..that is just no. She is a big girl, she chose to hook up with a good friend of hers, knowing full well the consequences to her group of friends if the relationship didn't work. Now she has to deal with those consequences. I would tell her simply: either she cuts contact off from him 100%, or you stop talking to her 100%. Do not give her any leeway. This dude is an ex, she DOESN'T need him in her life that badly, and if she does? Go find a woman who isn't so hung up on a guy she supposedly doesn't want to be with. The very fact she said she didn't want to tell him, that is high school drama right there. Are you guys like 15 years old? If not, that is just something I would of dumped her for right then and then. You are an adult and can't tell your friends we are together because you didn't have the foresight to see banging a good friend might not work out? Sorry, that isn't your problem it is hers. But just the very fact she doesn't want to tell him shows she cares more about him then you. Why do you want this girl? Too much drama, let her go be with her little friend and play their little head games. You can then go find an adult who actually acts like one. 2
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