turningpoint Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 First question: I went on 3 dates with a guy I met online. During our last date he asked me where I thought this was going. I was honest and told him, I'm not sure. 3 dates is way too early for me to know where I see things going with him... and discussing exclusivity. And at that point, he said he usually has a problem with taking things too fast. Honestly, the whole conversation kind of turned me off and makes me feel pressured and it's not a good feeling to have when dating. Thoughts on handling this? Last question: I was dating a guy I was really, really into. We hit it off amazingly and were seeing each other for 2 months. He ended things, citing confusion about his feelings and worried he didn't like me as much as I did and I was very upset by it. We had a very emotional goodbye (we both were crying) and we stopped talking for 2 weeks and then contact was made again. I suggested brunch (a friendly, platonic catch-up) and he suggested a night viewing the city with hot chocolate, dinner and tea. Anyway, we went out last Thursday and had an AMAZING time. It felt like a very romantic date, even though he ended things and we were together for 6 hours. Nothing felt awkward, and it felt so natural and much of the conversation was date-like. He even tried to kiss me but I backed away since he ended things almost a month ago and it didn't feel right given the circumstance. He said romantic things such as “I'm here tonight with you because you are such an important person in my life” and even said he wanted me to meet his brother soon. He texted me afterward saying he had a wonderful time with me and how worth it it was, and then texted me the next day reminding me to try some tea and with general chit chat. His last text to me was at 1am on Friday and he hasn't responded to me yet. He always takes 1-3 days to respond to texts (since the very first moment we met and he does it with many people), but the whole thing is pissing me off... I feel so confused. I'm not sure how to interpret any of this or how should I react? Just wait for him to text me back and play it cool?
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 First question: I went on 3 dates with a guy I met online. During our last date he asked me where I thought this was going. I was honest and told him, I'm not sure. 3 dates is way too early for me to know where I see things going with him... and discussing exclusivity. And at that point, he said he usually has a problem with taking things too fast. Honestly, the whole conversation kind of turned me off and makes me feel pressured and it's not a good feeling to have when dating. Thoughts on handling this? I don't understand what is the problem if it's too early for you to make a judgment call on him and he prefers sailing at a slow pace. Aren't you on the same page then? You don't sound too much into him though, and I have a feeling it's because your mind is pre-occupied by what is going on in your paragraph number 2. Does this current guy stand a chance or it was doomed from the get go because of ex? Last question: I was dating a guy I was really, really into. We hit it off amazingly and were seeing each other for 2 months. He ended things, citing confusion about his feelings and worried he didn't like me as much as I did and I was very upset by it. We had a very emotional goodbye (we both were crying) and we stopped talking for 2 weeks and then contact was made again. I suggested brunch (a friendly, platonic catch-up) and he suggested a night viewing the city with hot chocolate, dinner and tea. Anyway, we went out last Thursday and had an AMAZING time. It felt like a very romantic date, even though he ended things and we were together for 6 hours. Nothing felt awkward, and it felt so natural and much of the conversation was date-like. He even tried to kiss me but I backed away since he ended things almost a month ago and it didn't feel right given the circumstance. He said romantic things such as “I'm here tonight with you because you are such an important person in my life” and even said he wanted me to meet his brother soon. He texted me afterward saying he had a wonderful time with me and how worth it it was, and then texted me the next day reminding me to try some tea and with general chit chat. His last text to me was at 1am on Friday and he hasn't responded to me yet. He always takes 1-3 days to respond to texts (since the very first moment we met and he does it with many people), but the whole thing is pissing me off... I feel so confused. I'm not sure how to interpret any of this or how should I react? Just wait for him to text me back and play it cool? Of course it felt wonderful and you were comfortable, obviously you are into him and you dated before, you simply experienced a date with someone you had already build familiarity and safety with. You cannot compare that to a date with a stranger. So what is going on here? You 2 dated and he ended it because he felt you were into this much more than he was. THEN you pursue him and invite him out? You forgot about why he broke up with you? and now here you are confused by his lack of reply and wondering if you should play it cool. How is that any better than the first time around with him?
Author turningpoint Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 Thanks for your response, let me clarify. Sorry, he was saying he has a problem taking things too fast. Like he moves too fast and told me he has a history of ruining things with women because of it. For instance before the 3rd date, he had asked me to do all these things with him and it was way too much to commit to. It came across as needy. With dating, I usually prefer when guys take it slow. He likes moving very fast, and discussing exclusivity after 3 dates is VERY fast to me. The guy actually did have a chance. I thought I liked him during the first 2 dates, but this last one, during the last hour of it, I could get a needy vibe from him. When he brought up the conversation asking where we stood, and implying exclusivity, it just turned me off. Oh gosh, I did such a bad job with the second description. No, HE asked me out first. We talked again and he wrote me an email telling me he wanted to see me in person. I said that was fine, and suggested a brunch Sunday afternoon. He declined and planned this 6 hour "date" with me (his idea entirely). Again, he is the one who asked to see me in person and he planned the "date." I did not pursue him since he asked to see me and planned the outing with me. It came across as someone who maybe realized they made a mistake and wanted to slowly get back with me. He's very inexperienced with dating so I wasn't sure if this was an attempt to try and get a feel for dating me again. Is that a bit clearer? 1
Gaeta Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Yes clearer thank you Here is my take on ex coming back. First he has to have a clear offer on the table for me. No go with the flow, no lets be friends. That first time around failed because he was not 100% into it, what makes it different now? I want to hear it with words and I want to see it with actions. I would have an open and honest conversation before spending any more time with him. Ask him what he wants from you. It will save you a lot of heartache. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I feel you have to respect his honesty, its a wonderful trait to have and a rather brave one to let it be known his intentions early, its a risk being honest straight up from the start, but to me it is preferable, I don't like time wasters, I am older though than you, as another poster has said ill repeat because i cant like posts at the moment something is messed up there, but the poster stated you guys are on the same page you like to take things slowly, so there is no pressure on you you should feel relieved. I dont feel you are interested in him and therefore should do the right thing on both of you,end it gently with compassion.Wish him well and do what is in your heart.
candie13 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 clean the air. the first guy might feel you don't have your heart in this, hence his asking questions. Fair enough, life's not fair, but you don't have to be too harsh on him either. Second guy... hum... romantic date, loads of time together after a long time, he knows you're into him... maybe he was just hoping to have sex. Sorry for being harsh. Same advice as before, give it time and don't rush it. LEt the second guy come to you and stop making all the efforts. Just... relax. And don't act all impulsive. You have the hots for this guy, so make sure you're not sleeping with him anytime soon, it'll only could your judgement furthermore and make it even more difficult for you to stay cool, calm and rational. cheers
HappyLove Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 So basically you don't want the one who wants you. You want the one that plays games and leads you on. You're headed down that stupid path so many women take which is chasing the emotionally unavailable man. 1
Author turningpoint Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 So basically you don't want the one who wants you. You want the one that plays games and leads you on. You're headed down that stupid path so many women take which is chasing the emotionally unavailable man. Nope nothing to do with that. I love guys without drama, hence why me and the other guy didn't even talk for weeks. I'm not into that. I literally just met this new guy 2 weeks ago. I had a crazy ex in the past who moved way too fast. That was the one big early on red flag. A few dates in we discussed exclusivity and he asked me to be my girlfriend within a few weeks and kept wanting me to commit to doing things with him. I prefer just getting to know someone slowly and taking it easy. I don't like guys easily and need time for that to build up. I did tell this guy that last night and let him know the instant I'm aware I want just friendship, I will communicate that to him. I'm just not sure if asking for exclusivity after 3 dates is a red flag.
HappyLove Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Nope nothing to do with that. I love guys without drama, hence why me and the other guy didn't even talk for weeks. I'm not into that. I literally just met this new guy 2 weeks ago. I had a crazy ex in the past who moved way too fast. That was the one big early on red flag. A few dates in we discussed exclusivity and he asked me to be my girlfriend within a few weeks and kept wanting me to commit to doing things with him. I prefer just getting to know someone slowly and taking it easy. I don't like guys easily and need time for that to build up. I did tell this guy that last night and let him know the instant I'm aware I want just friendship, I will communicate that to him. I'm just not sure if asking for exclusivity after 3 dates is a red flag. Well how many dates does it take?
SunnySide0418 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Nope nothing to do with that. I love guys without drama, hence why me and the other guy didn't even talk for weeks. I'm not into that. I literally just met this new guy 2 weeks ago. I had a crazy ex in the past who moved way too fast. That was the one big early on red flag. A few dates in we discussed exclusivity and he asked me to be my girlfriend within a few weeks and kept wanting me to commit to doing things with him. I prefer just getting to know someone slowly and taking it easy. I don't like guys easily and need time for that to build up. I did tell this guy that last night and let him know the instant I'm aware I want just friendship, I will communicate that to him. I'm just not sure if asking for exclusivity after 3 dates is a red flag. I don't think so. If you really like someone and want to focus your attention on getting to know them why not be exclusive? If you aren't there yet just say so.
sagetalk Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 In my past experience with talking with women, I predict you will drop the guy in the first paragraph and drop your pants for the guy in the second paragraph. However, I certainly hope that is not what you do, and I heavily advise against it. The guy in the second paragraph should be launched. He sounds very smooth, but not in a good way for you. There is nothing wrong with being good with women (he is), but that doesn't mean he is right for you. How well he treats you will tell you that. It sounds like you are just another option in his day. Then again, that is probably what is turning you on. At any rate, there is no reason to trust this guy or think is someone you need to sit around dreaming about when he will call. In contrast, the second guy is acting needy which everyone knows that is a turn off to women (he probably even knows that). It doesn't mean he's wrong for you, he is either mildly clueless or he is so attracted to you that you throw him off. If you aren't attracted to him, do him a favor and launch him as well. If you are attracted to him, tell him to lay off the neediness in a nice way.
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