I reached out to my ex gf (I know). Was I rejected?

[bigj8s]

I broke up with my ex gf last October. It wasn't easy to do (because I really loved her) but I knew it was for the best at the time. During our breakup, I told her that my hope was for us to possibly reconcile in the future once we're both at better places in our lives.

 

Over the past 7 months I've dated around but haven't found that special gf up to this point in time...which makes me appreciate my ex that much more. Yesterday I thought of this same ex of mine and immediately the feeling of guilt hit me pretty hard. Although I have no regrets breaking up with her, I felt bad for the way in which I broke up with her (she kind of didn't see it coming). I decided to reach out to her yesterday, so I sent her a text message. She responded to my initial "Hello" text, but did not respond to my follow up "How have you been lately?" text. The following day I decided to send her another follow up text asking her if she still lives in the same city I live in (when we were together she often mentioned going to grad school out of town). About 2 hours after this text, she called me. I was totally not expecting her to call. When she got on the phone she sounded like she was happy,in good spirits & it seemed pretty genuine. She said "I saw all of your texts so I just decided to call you back instead". She asked me how I've been and other general friendly questions. She told me she's been very busy lately, getting ready to graduate from school & then move to another city in 2 months to get her Phd. I was genuinely happy for her. I was also pleasantly surprised that she didn't seem angry or hurt by me at all. This was only the second time we've spoken since I broke up with her over 7 months ago.

 

During our phone conversation I asked her if she'd be interested in "catching up" with me over coffee or something in the near future. She responded "umm... well i have so many things going on right now, I don't know if I'll have time". There was an awkward silence that followed because I didn't know what to say in response to that. I felt as though she kind of blew me off & I didn't expect her to do that, especially from the way in which our friendly conversation had been going up to that point. That stung a bit... I felt rejected & began to feel a bit embarrassed. We finished up the 7 minute phone conversation very friendly with one another & she told me she'd "let me know" if she can find time to meet up with me. I sent her a follow up "thanks for calling, happy you're doing well!" text & she responded "thanks, same to you".

 

Here's my issue:

My entire intention of reaching out was to tell her, preferably in person once we meet up, that I always appreciated her & appreciated what we had as a couple. I also wanted to apologize for the way I handled our breakup (in hindsight I could've been more sensitive to her feelings during that time). But once she (sort of) rejected my invitation to meet up, I was completely thrown off for the rst of our phone conversation. After we hung up I had that "Well that didn't go over as well as I hoped it would" unsatisfied feeling. Of course she could truly be too busy to meet up with me at this time. But if I'm being honest with myself, my gut is telling me that she's not interested in having any kind of relationship with me. She seems to have completely moved on. At the end of the day I'm ok with that because my intention wasn't to re-establish a relationship with her. I knew I was taking a risk by "putting myself out there" trying to reconnect with my ex gf. I'm just bummed because I wanted to look her in the eyes, apologize, and let her know that she was appreciated. I prefer not to share these heartfelt feelings over the phone or via text message with her. I feel like I might not ever get that chance, based on the fact that she seems to have completely moved on from anything having to do with me. It looks like I might have to accept that.

 

My question is:

Assuming she has NO intention of meeting me, why did she even bother to call me on the phone to talk? Should I call her back & tell her my true feelings (my apology, my appreciation for her & what we had) over the phone? Should I tell her via text? Or should I just wait it out & see if she contacts me to meet up once she finds time? I know it's important for me to let her know how I feel, but maybe it's not important to her at all. Maybe I should just let everything go & completely close this chapter despite the feeling of dissatisfaction on my end. I'm still not sure what I should do as of right now. I'd appreciate your feedback based on everything I shared!

[todreaminblue]

She might be playing games who knows.

 

 

To me if i am interested in someone, ill make time to see them , in fact, if i truly liked someone i juggle and limit time to make time, I am a hopeless juggler, but i will try to fit them in whenever i can.I dont play games and i dont hesitate when i like a guy.Not enough time do i have for hesitation only action.

 

if i cant juggle or rearrange a time table that honestly is adaptable because i leave a certain amount of time for instances.computer time would be one time that i do not need its a want to.If i cant fit i will give a time i can fit be it a week later , which is highly unlikely to be so far away

i just find time.i am a loyal person and if i truly like someone,i would want face to face contact i enjoy that , that to me is precious time i cant afford not to make.

 

But that's me in a nutshell, i am all about time,for you my perspective is,

I would be honest and just ask your friend if she wants to make a time for you to meet.Best of luck.....deb

Edited June 8, 2014 by todreaminblue

[ain5053]

You said you were the one that broke up with her. Most likely she called you back because she wanted to see what you wanted, but is not actually interested in catching up with you because a part of her probably resents you and spent a lot of time trying to get over you and the hurt associated with the breakup. She has probably moved on now and is happy where she is at, and after that phone call she probably has you right where she wants you, she is amused at the idea that you attempted to reconcile and now will continue to ignore you to prove a point. If she is indeed still interested, she will contact you again in the future and possibly meet up with you. Give it a week to a month. If she does not contact you, don't bother, she is in a better place.

[Poppyolive]

You dumped her, hurt her and she's probably worked really hard to get over that. You didn't say exactly what you wanted, if want to reconcile, apologize etc then why is it up to her to allow you back in to hurt her again. You only wanted catch up...why should she put her heart in a vulnerable place for you to catch up... Tell her exactly why you would like to meet. You have to do this work not her.

 

If you were my ex and I got those hi, how you've been, wanna catch up texts...I'd be pretty cold. Its just fishing. He hurt me and it took a lot to work through after a 5 yr relationship.. I would say he'd need to work a Lil harder than if my ex wanted to do the sane moves as you...apologize etc...then you got to put yourself out there to do so. I would not let it be up to me same with your ex, I she has done enough. Man up and Work your apology butt off if you really mean it. No faffing about.

[TXGuy]

Don't dredge up the past with her to make yourself feel better. It sounds like she is in a good place right now and is moving on with life.

[mrs rubble]

She'd be mad to go backwards, what makes you think she's been hoping for another go with someone who dumped her to see if there was someone "better" available?

[Poppyolive]

Dumb phone & fat fingers...

[Trimmer]

I think you miscommunicated. It seems you used the term "catch up" when you asked to get together, and this is an ambiguous and unclear term. In your head, your intention was "...to tell her, preferably in person once we meet up, that I always appreciated her & appreciated what we had as a couple." But to her, meeting in person and "catching up" probably sounded like the first steps of you trying to get back together, the groundwork of which was laid by you when you broke up with her, telling her "my hope was for us to possibly reconcile in the future."

 

So even though "she called you", it was really you who initiated the conversation with your texts, then you eventually let up to "let's meet", which she took to be the whole point of your initiating contact in the first place, and the obvious conclusion for her (in the absence of any better clarity from you) was: he wants to get back together.

 

And as to your "sting" of rejection - you are taking it that she rejected your overture to tell her you appreciated her, while the place it's probably really coming from is, I've moved on and I don't want to get back together.

 

Incidentally... for you to say you felt a sting of rejection... That comes off as... well, you seem like a nice fellow and not quite arrogant, but I'd say maybe a bit presumptuous. If I'm reading this right, you dumped her, saying "maybe we can get back together in the future", and then when you tried to ambiguously reconnect and she said "no thanks..." you feel rejected?

 

In general, I think I'd let her do what it seems like she's been doing nicely - moving on - and you should do the same.

[bigj8s]

Hey Trimmer, Poppyolive, mrs rubble, TXGuy, ain5053...

 

Thank you all very much for your feedback...I really appreciate your honest, unbiased (not telling me what I want to hear haha) advice. You all have given me so much more perspective on this and definitely helped me make my decision: I'm definitely letting go & will not contact her anymore.

 

I have to accept the fact that I can't change the past even though I know I really hurt someone. And since she's in a happier place, I have to let her be...If by some chance I get the opportunity to apologize to her in the future, I will do so. But it will only be on her terms. This whole ordeal is definitely a lesson learned. I will be better for the next one.

 

Thanks again,

 

bigj8s

[Swan89]

Maybe you could give it a week or two to see if she gets back to you. If not, call her up and maybe leave a voicemail if she doesn't respond to tell her what your intentions are.