Jamest85 Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Seen this forum and seen that ppl get some really good answers so thought id give it a whirl. You may at the end think I'm a fool and to just get over it or you may see why its so confusing Will give u shortened yet still confusing back story Was with my girlfriend for 3years. lived with for 2. although there was a 3 month break in that about 8 months in. another story but don't wanna write too much here! Last august we broke up whilst living together.. our rship kinda turned into arguments more and a lot did seem to stem from the fact that i wanted her to show affection/love for me more and in my opinion didn't treat me well. passion seemed to go ( i put this down to living in each others pockets and practically doing everything together) for a few months after the split we still lived together.. it wasn't awkward but i don't think it helped the situation. I at the time also was kinda in agreement that we should break up, although once it really hit me that it was the end i got very sad and tried to save it as i knew how much i was really going to lose. I moved out in december. Since then there has never been a no contact rule as such. there was a moment where i had a go at her for how she treated me and would never forgive her. this did make her feel constantly **** but i just felt so hurt and i just let it all out. she also did kinda start to see a guy though that fizzled out before it really took off anywhere as i think it was just the chase that excited.. although not long after she started to see someone else. in the end he mugged her off. anyways we had always kept in contact in some shape or form.. whether it be txt or Facebook. we also have an issue that we have mutual friends and we both go to certain clubbing events throughout the year so can never seem to really get away from each other. In april we saw each other and for some of the night we were hanging out like before. seeing this happen i had to say no we need to stop talking. although a week later at an after party i got message and calls from her asking me to come round to another after party she was at and she nearly came across as like begging and i gave in. i went and in the end stayed at hers that night, same bed, nothing sexual no kisses nothing. This all got me confused and we talked on off for couple of weeks. 2 more events we went to we ended up hanging with each other including some of the next day... the last one being last weekend where we actually went up in same car with other friends. the following day she wanted me to go back to hers as there was no1 home as family were on holiday. stupidly i agreed and spent the evening with her as well as the next day and night. nothing sexual just enjoying each others company although i was seeing her in more than just friends and would have kissed etc if she had wanted to. With all this it really messed with my head and during the week i said enough is enough. now the thoughts she has said to me have been the following " its not that i don't want to be with you right now, i just don't want a relationship" " i don't know wat i want anymore my head is ***d" " why can't we just stay like this, i like talking to you Im not ruling us being together in the future" "your the only one that 'gets me' " and her final message which was a reply the following morning after my final message to her was " I really can't bear the thought of you not being in my life" we both know we have a special connection that doesnt seem to disappear Its getting close to a year since our actual break up and I know i still love her. she has said she still loves me and also still thinks about me everyday and probs always will. Can anyone explain this any better of whats going on in her head and why she has been like this? a part of me thinks deep down she wants me but something is holding her back. Surely if she really was fully over me it wouldn't be all like this and saying so many things. its such a weird situation that I've never been in before and theres always been the feeling of that we were meant for each other. Im not forcing myself to stick to the no contact rule and making sure i don't give in i just wish i knew what was going on in her head, even though she doesnt even know whats going on in there either hopefully this has made some sense to some ppl and any replies be great and if I'm missing anything that may help u give better answers then let me know
flitzanu Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 quite simply, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. she gets the best of the emotional side of a relationship by staying close to you, since she already knows you. and since you're not dating, the second she finds another guy she's into, she can drop you. pay attention to her words, that she doesn't want a relationship. stick to your words, that you can't deal with the rollercoaster.
Author Jamest85 Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 is what I've been thinking. I know i need to do No contact rule and stick to it. Am i going to end up having her contact me when she realises whats she really has lost.. and that this time I'm not replying or keeping in contact with her? cos thats my concern and I'm concerned i would give in to it as have done before when we broke up 8 months in on the rship for 3 months.. or actually is it most likely going to be that will both move on and this will just all disappear its just taking a long time Its strange how 7 months after leaving the house i lived with her that these feelings we both still have are still pretty strong
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