sportynut38 Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 My ex broke up four days before Christmas saying with all his stress in life, he needed time and space. We had talked a few times since then, and he even took me out for my birthday a couple weeks back (seems so long ago now). When we talked, he said that he was going to start seeing other people and when asked, he said that there was no one in particular yet, blah blah. Well, the night of my birthday things got a bit hot and heavy and we slept together. And after that, I had thoughts that perhaps we could become friends with benefits ... thank goodness I never got a chance to ask him his opinion. People would make comments and I would defend him. Most of the time when I was asked what happened, I would say he wanted time and space and the first reply almost every time was that he was probably seeing someone else. I would argue and say no, the guy I know is just under a lot of pressure and can't deal with it all. Apparently everyone's first response was the correct one, although I just found out yesterday. One of his buds came in for lunch yesterday (BBQ joint) and told me that my ex had started dating someone from his past, either before or shortly after breaking up with me. The time line no longer matters to me, it's the simple fact that when I asked him point blank if he was in a relationship he said no, and yet I find out that through no fault of my own (or so I hope) that I have effectively done the one thing I had always been so proud of never doing ... I cheated on someone. Now I am the one feeling like a smuck because I would have never done that to anyone. If he had said "yes, I am seeing someone" that would have been the end of everything and I would have never interferred. But no, he lies to me, and I end up feeling terrible for her. And to add insult to injury, I sent him a Valentines card saying "just thinking about you and hoping you are doing well". Anyone know how to make sure it gets lost in the mail? LOL. With everything his wife put him through (cheating numerous times) and the pain it caused him, I just can't believe that he was willing to do that to someone else. It doesn't appear that he is now the same person I fell in love with. I do wish him every happiness in the world, but right now I also hope that he gets his head out of his arse before he hurts more people. Dang it. If only I had known, I wouldn't be sitting here now feeling like the biggest smuck in the world. Ughs!
roxy_1980 Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 He cheated and you had no prior knowledge of the other woman, it's not your fault. That exact situation happened to me except in reverse. I was dating a guy a long while back and he backslid to his ex. I found out through her (the ex)when their mutual friend told her. She apologized and said that she didn't know that we were together. This was verified by me through a complex network of trusted sources. I dumped his @$$. I'm not saying go directly to the chick and tell her straight out (sometimes she'll lunge at you), but I'm sure you have ways of leaking it to her. She needs to know that her man is a creep. If she is a self-respecting woman she will thank god that she found out before she's in too deep. I know I did.
Author sportynut38 Posted February 13, 2005 Author Posted February 13, 2005 Let's see how more complex I can make this story of my life. The woman he is with now is one from his past. She broke his heart when he joined the Army and she sent the famous Dear John letter. Fast forward five kids later, a marriage on the rocks and his wife having numerous affairs, this lady gets a hold of him, they talk, they "date" and sleep together. She falls in love (or whatevers) and then he breaks things off, confesses all to the wife and they try for the millionth time to reconcile. I do know that since all that happened, they would still talk on the phone and exchange cards/letters. He even told me how sorry he was that she felt she loved him and he had hurt her when he ended things. Apparently she is able to forgive and forget and willing to try it again. But I can almost guarantee that he will do this again to her, and whoever else he finds. I still love him unfortuantely, but I wouldn't tell her anything (even if I didn't know their history). She already knows he will cheat, he did it to his wife with her. Thankfully I don't think (know) that he cheated on me, but I must say finding this out sure did clear up a lot of questions I had.
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