Jump to content

Should I go? I really need someone to show the right way [update]

roe007

By roe007
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
Posted

Well it has been 2 months now and I just feel the break up happened 2 days ago. But I kept my cool even though I went through hell. I don't know whether I am recovering because there are times when I feel so sad that I miss her like crazy. Then sometimes I feel normal but when I wake up I always get sad and there are times I even wish she messaged me. But I am on a strict NC for quiet a while now and I have maintained it.

 

I am having a lot of trouble getting hold of my life actually. I lost interest in a lot of things lately and getting confused like being directionless. I don't know if it was because of break up but I always had an optimism even though I was insecure about myself. Problems never bothered me I mean the professional troubles or family matters but now everything feels like a burden. I feel cramped and helpless. Is it because of the break up? I still love her but I have got over the tough part and I want to move on completely.

 

Last time she messaged "Happy birthday" I just sent a plain "thanks". Then again the next day I got another message "how was the birthday celebration" I ignored it but she then asked she need a letter to cancel the bank account. It is a mutual account. I said ok and mailed it to her then I deleted her messages. That's it no more messages from her and I never bothered to ask if she canceled it or not. I had put some money in it too but I won't ask it back its not a big amount. But I felt so sad, opening account was her idea and we planned a lot but its gone. It took me a while to stop being sad about the whole thing. Still I am sad but what to do. But I already asked a week after break up what to do with the bank account and she said keep it and I didn't ask anything. But I don't know why she asked me a letter on my birthday she knows I will be sad about it or is she just angry that I chose to go away?

  • Like 1
NC-Thomas Established Member

NC-Thomas

Posted
Posted

Hi roe007,

 

It looks to me as if she is just " checking-in ". Stop trying to analyse every message she send you and stick to NC, it's for your own good!!!

 

If she really wanted you back (i think she dumped you?), you would have known by now. Trust me. Move on. Don't look back. If she wants you, she will let you know. Otherwise, it just wasn't meant to be.

 

PS: If you break NC and try to see if she is open for a relationship, good chance you will get hurt much more if she declines. Again: step up, take your loss and move on.

 

Take care man!

  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well I posted a lot here about my break up so I don't want to explain it further. I am on no contact for almost a month and a half. She kept messaging randomly so I told I don't need friendship I am not a fall guy and I want space. She was furious told she will delete my number. This happened 2 weeks ago and I never heard from her again. Then again she wished me on my birthday. I just sent a plain "thank you". Then no messages at all and i never bothered to check on her

 

Today I got a text from a new number. It was her she messaged this is her new number and to keep her old number too. I didn't reply but she said she will delete my contact and never talk to me again is sending her new number. Why does she do that? She dumped me and blocked me told she don't want a relationship. When i realized I stopped contacting her even though I still love her I don't want to cling on so I am living my life. She knows I won't be her friend I have told her that. Then why such a message now? Technically if she changed her number then she wouldn't disclose it to an ex... I don't know it is annoying sometimes because I am trying hard to move on and not at all contacting her but somehow she still messages out of blue.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

She's an idiot? Really I don't have a better explanation but there's no reason an EX needs your new #, especially after you announce to that person in a huff that you will never speak to them again. Just continue ignoring her.

  • Like 1
  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Well I don't know why she still sends me messages or even her new phone number. I love her but I know there is nothing I can do or even say to her. It confuses me when she contacts you know, I feel numb and try to think why is she still texting me. She even said she don't love me once and I have told I don't want a friendship but still she keeps the contact for reasons unknown. Even after I don't reply at all she still messages once in a while. That is what I can't understand. Anybody have any idea why? I don't want to break the no contact for this that is why i am posting here.

Edited by roe007
NC-Thomas Established Member

NC-Thomas

Posted
Posted
Well I don't know why she still sends me messages or even her new phone number. I love her but I know there is nothing I can do or even say to her. It confuses me when she contacts you know, I feel numb and try to think why is she still texting me. She even said she don't love me once and I have told I don't want a friendship but still she keeps the contact for reasons unknown. Even after I don't reply at all she still messages once in a while. That is what I can't understand. Anybody have any idea why? I don't want to break the no contact for this that is why i am posting here.

 

I think the only valid reason for replying is something like:

 

* I made a horrible mistake, I feel it in my heart I really want to reconcile and try again *

 

Also read about breadcrumbs (which i think she is sending you, just to check in":

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/462922-if-you-want-them-back

  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well I don't know if there are bread crumbs because after I strictly told her not to message me she only sent couple of messages for my birthday and now this one today. I said thanks for the birthday wish and didn't reply for anything else. I am maintaining my distance.

  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Our mutual friend has his marriage tomorrow so he has invited both of us. He don't know about our break up and he is not my friend he is her good friend. I know him through her. Anyway when he invited me I went over to his house a week ago and met him. Told him that I may not be able to attend the marriage and I will be busy. Well I have met his parents and brother as well so that it won't be awkward skipping the marriage.

 

Anyway tomorrow is the marriage and after about a long 2 weeks of silence again my ex texted me asking if I am going for the marriage. I didn't reply for a long time and then finally I just send a plain "NO". She asked why but I didn't reply and went about my work. Then in the evening I got a call it was from her mother's number. I thought it was her mother calling for something so I picked up and it turns out to be my ex. She asked if I am coming for the wedding I said no. She asked why I said I am busy with something. She then said if I am free I should come for the wedding. I said bye and that's it. But I don't know why this is happening I mean I have no idea why she wants me at the wedding. Its not a big deal like no one knows about us our relationship at all. Only a handful of friends know that too my friends. None of her friends know about our relationship or anything and they won't suspect even if I don't show up because I am not in their friend circle anymore. Then why she is insisting me to come and join her?

  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Our mutual friend has his marriage tomorrow so he has invited both of us. He don't know about our break up and he is not my friend he is her good friend. I know him through her. Anyway I went over to his house a week ago and met him and spend 2 hours with his family had lunch. Told him that I may not be able to attend the marriage and I will be busy.

 

Anyway tomorrow is the marriage and after about a long 2 weeks of silence again my ex texted me asking if I am going for the marriage. I didn't reply for a long time and then finally I just send a plain "NO". She asked why but I didn't reply and went about my work. Then in the evening I got a call it was from her mother's number. I thought it was her mother calling for something so I picked up and it turns out to be my ex. She asked if I am coming for the wedding I said no. I said I am busy with something. She then said if I am free I should come for the wedding. I said bye and that's it. Again she called at night asking the same. I told the same answer I may not be coming. So now I need some advice should I really go for the wedding?

 

He is not a good friend I mean I know him only through her. And I have already went to his house so that he won't feel bad if I don't come for the wedding. Me not going won't be a big deal for him because we know each other as friends maybe for 2 or 3 months and we seldom contact. I would say I met him only once with my ex and we never met after that until last week when I went to his house. I am not healed from the break up and there would be a lot of her friends there and she would be busy with them anyway. I don't know most of them and I will just sit somewhere and be alone because I am still going through the break up.

 

So tell me should I really go for the wedding or not? I am confused because some are saying I should show her I am ok. But if I go it will be because she insisted me to come for the wedding several times...

I don't want the pain of seeing her happy with friends that is why I chose to stay away. But she is not leaving me alone. What should I do?

NC-Thomas Established Member

NC-Thomas

Posted
Posted (edited)

roe007, you wrote this on one of your first threads:

 

"So what happened was one fine day she walks away from our relationship saying she has some personal issues. She don't want anymore relationships in life."

 

She told you " I DONT WANT YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE". YOU sir, NEED to move on. REALLY. She dumped you, put you at the curb, like garbage. And now you are crawling back to her?

 

A wedding, of a friend that isn't even your best friends or close relative is NO excuse to break NC. Unless she tells you * I WANT TO BACK IN MY LIFE, I MADE A MISTAKE *, you contact her.

 

She is only calling you for her own good. Why do you think she wants to know if you are going there? Because SHE wants to feel comfortable with the situation. Plus you said it, YOU don't even like going to that wedding, so why are you answering her calls and texts? What didn't you understand about going NC? You are playing with your own mental health / stability by communication about this BS.

 

I would like to say, to hell that wedding and go back to NC. This is going to bring you down so hard, please keep in NC for your own good, or you will go back to day 1 of the break-up. I've been there, 1 month NC and all the way back to day 1. I want to save you the pain and discomfort. It hurt like hell.

 

But maybe you need to get burned again, before you will learn to see that she is just using you as a doormat.

Edited by NC-Thomas
  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I am on no contact for almost 2 months now and I ignore her random texts. The last time she called from her mom's number I don't know why since I blocked her I guess. Anyway I didn't give in to any requests. She wanted to go with me to a marriage function which I skipped and I have stuck with my no contact. Today I got a message from her new number.

"why are you not talking to me?"

Well I don't know why such a question because I told I need space after she dumped and tried to contact. I told I am not comfortable at all with contact but she don't seem to understand I guess. I do love her but I don't know what is wrong with her.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

I think when the dumper is emotionally detached from you, they can't fathom the big deal about why a dumpee would need no contact. Or she just wants attention and an ego boost from you. It doesn't feel good when they realize you're not attached to them anymore.

jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted

It's because you are NOT in no contact at all. You are in low contact at best.

This could be solved by simply blocking her number, email addresses, EVERYTHING. That is no contact.

 

And no, don't go to the wedding.

 

 

She knows where you live, if she wants you back, she can get off her a$$ and go knock on your door to profess her feelings.

  • Like 2
  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted

No contact actually I blocked her number then she changed her number I don't know why but I got a message from the new number. This times she was asking why I am not talking to her. As strange as it seems she has a permanent number which I blocked and she uses another number but that is her personal choice but asking why I don't talk to her is kinda weird to me.

  • Author
roe007 Member

roe007

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I got a message again today some gossip about my best friend. Someone she also knew and she said my friend is having some affair with another girl well kinda weird actually. she even sent me a photo. Ex trying to be friends I can understand but gossiping about someone else to me? I really can't understand. She even said about her friend having a fling with someone.

Well she started the conversation and i wanted to know if she had canceled our mutual bank account so I replied asking that. She hasn't canceled it yet which is surprising as well.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...