lovemypets Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 well last night my dh and i went out to this bar with another couple. we've known the guy for a few years or better but he brought with him a new girlfriend. she was very nice and we chatted off and on for the evening. then my niece showed up and i turned my attention towards her more. my dh and his friend were chatting away for the most part then the friend left for a while to go talk with someone else and his girlfriend started talking to my dh. he was sitting right next to me at this bar and he was leaning over intently and so was she and they were talking alot! i tried to indiscretely ease drop but then i could not hear my niece so i stopped trying but i felt so hurt. this is why this "hurt" bothers me. we have not been getting along well lately and i have been contenplating leaving the relationship and we have both talked about it somewhat, how it is not going to well at times but other times it is just fine. so when i seen him so engaged in a conversation with her, i felt so jealous, not that she was a beauty or even very attractive but just that he was so intent looking with the conversation and i have not seen him that way with me in years! i remembered how he/we use to be that way too, and i felt such a sadness in my heart and i longed to get that back! when we went home and i asked him what the big conversation was about, he said that she does some kind of government work and she was talking to him more so then he to her and that he had to lean over that way to hear her. i told him how i felt and he said dont worry she does not turn me on. i was not worried that she was turning him on, he is only 5'3 and she was about 5'9 and very old looking kind of old looking when someone has had a hard life. so i knew he was not physically attracted to her, just that he was listening to her and engaged with her more so then he has been with me. i went to sleep thinking that maybe he is just so desparate for some new conversation with other people bringing new topics. he is the type that likes facts and info things, news bidbits, etc. so when he had something new to talk about with her he seemed to enjoy it. so now he thinks that i am "jealous" of this woman, when in fact i am not!!! i am jealous of his talking to her the way we dont talk anymore, can anyone see the diff here? my feelings were last night that i had to hold on tight, other nights it is like, when and should we end this and how? we have been together a long time and it would be very painful for me and i assume him too. so why is it when this had not happened i was ok with thinking of our impending relationship, but now i feel so drawn to him. is this the classic case of someone else wanting, indirectly, what you have thus being a threat? i'm really confused right now. i feel that leaving is not the right option for me now because of the way it hurts thinking of them last night, and if it hurts that much then i obvioulsy need to rethink everything, right? so what do you think? what does this all mean? what should i do?
ggallin13 Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 While it feels terrible, I don't think your jealousy is based on possessiveness, but ego more. Let me put it this way: I know lots of girls that don't want me inparticular, but get really jealouos when I talk to other girls. It is as if they want me to want them, and as long as that is the case, everything is fine. Think about how much you want him versus how much you want him to want you, and you'll have your answer and not have to torture yourself. I hate that feeling, by the way. I feel for you totally.
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