Bruce Leigh Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 With cheating in and out of marriage so common these days, is marriage now an outdated concept?
Radu Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Depends on weather or not you find a like-minded individual to go into marriage with or not. This is essentially what it comes down to now, opposed to 100+yrs ago. Then it was necessity, and you were done for life with that person, so the choice was many times out of convenience. Use this advantage, and screen carefully ... find someone who thinks like you. 2
notserene Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 It is IMO still the best framework for raising children. Kids with stable upbringings tend to do better. Also, most people want a life partner to be there for them during the tough times. The problems arise when people don't control themselves when faced with sexual temptation. Every married person on the planet is physically attracted to other people. It's what they do about it that counts. That means not following up on every attraction that you feel. I do think that people live longer, which makes it harder to stay faithful, and we also live in a society/culture that has become very narcissistic (I live in the US so it may not be the same everywhere). People are encouraged to think about what makes THEM feel good, boosts their ego, etc. and to downplay the effect of their actions on others. 5
janedoe67 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Cheating doesn't mean marriage is outdated. It means our "progressive morals" are crappy. 6
umirano Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I guess not everybody really qualifies for marriage. I agree what the other poster said about raising children. We humans have a ridiculously short pregnancy compared to other mammals and a ridiculously long time to fully develop, about a quarter of a century. A fricking horse can walk pretty much right after being born. You need two parents and possibly grandparents. Bad marriage partner = bad parent in that sense. A lot of single parents may want to lynch me over this. It's my view though, sorry.
Woggle Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Even though I am happily married myself I often wonder if marriage is a concept that is reaching it's expiration date. How many marriages do you know that have lasted and are truly happy? Maybe it's time to look at the writing on the wall. On the other hand I admit that seeing a truly happy couple makes me feel warm inside so I have mixed feelings. 1
quankanne Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I don't think "truly happy" exists – you learn to live with someone else's quirks and foibles and you make the best of it. Rather than judge a relationship on such a fleeting emotion, I think we should look at characteristics like respect. Because that's what builds strong marriages, IMO is marriage an outdated concept? Only to someone who is not marriage-minded. For the rest of the crowd, it's very viable. as for cheating – well, you decide that you will or you won't, period. Has nothing to do with marriage, and everything to do with character. 4
No Limit Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Marriage isn't outdated with the right partner. I just don't get what makes cheaters pledge themselves to monogamy nowadays. They could find a partner that won't have a problem with cheating because he or she practices it as well, so what's the matter? Or does even the cheater require some amount of security in a relationship, but is just too selfish to think of their partner? Doesn't sound to me like marriage is that outdated then if people are still striving for safety and stability. They just need to get the selfishness out of their heads or at the very least decrease its amount.
Woggle Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Marriage isn't outdated with the right partner. I just don't get what makes cheaters pledge themselves to monogamy nowadays. They could find a partner that won't have a problem with cheating because he or she practices it as well, so what's the matter? Or does even the cheater require some amount of security in a relationship, but is just too selfish to think of their partner? Doesn't sound to me like marriage is that outdated then if people are still striving for safety and stability. They just need to get the selfishness out of their heads or at the very least decrease its amount. The lies and deception are part of the high of an affair.
Author Bruce Leigh Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 Surely communication is key in any relationship, how many acts of infidelity are committed due to a lack of communication between partners?
Woggle Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 I don't think "truly happy" exists – you learn to live with someone else's quirks and foibles and you make the best of it. Rather than judge a relationship on such a fleeting emotion, I think we should look at characteristics like respect. Because that's what builds strong marriages, IMO is marriage an outdated concept? Only to someone who is not marriage-minded. For the rest of the crowd, it's very viable. as for cheating – well, you decide that you will or you won't, period. Has nothing to do with marriage, and everything to do with character. Nothing is 100% good all the time but most marriages these days seem to be mostly misery. People seem to have more fondness for a stranger on the street than they do for their spouses. I don't blame a single person for looking at this and wanting nothing to do with it.
SolG Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 (edited) Cheating is rife NOW? Read your history. It's actually a rather modern invention that monogamy is required of men; particularly those with status and opportunity. Throughout the ages and across cultures men in particular have always been given the leeway for 'indiscretion'. However, the sacrosanct nature of legitimate marriage has remained constant for the purposes of maintaining feminine rights and male lineage. Marriage isn't going anywhere anytime soon. In fact, non-traditional folk (gay men and women, etc) are hopping on the bandwagon to secure the rights that marriage entails. Marriage is about commitment, not fidelity. While ideally (by today's standards) they would go hand in hand, they are not necessarily the same thing. Edited June 8, 2014 by SolG
Radu Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 Marriage isn't outdated with the right partner. I just don't get what makes cheaters pledge themselves to monogamy nowadays. They could find a partner that won't have a problem with cheating because he or she practices it as well, so what's the matter? Or does even the cheater require some amount of security in a relationship, but is just too selfish to think of their partner? Doesn't sound to me like marriage is that outdated then if people are still striving for safety and stability. They just need to get the selfishness out of their heads or at the very least decrease its amount. Cheaters are selfish and they tend to rationalize any kind of guilt away. 1
quankanne Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Nothing is 100% good all the time but most marriages these days seem to be mostly misery. People seem to have more fondness for a stranger on the street than they do for their spouses. something the team talked about on our Marriage Encounter weekend was "married singles." As in, two people love each other and get married ... but continue to want to pursue their singles' lifestyle (doing their own thing, rather than finding stuff in common to do together to even out those pursuits). So yeah, it's easier to like someone you don't have anything in common with because they don't have expectations of you. A partner (be it spouse or otherwise) has expectations.
MissBee Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 With cheating in and out of marriage so common these days, is marriage now an outdated concept? Since people cheat in and out of marriage, marriage is clearly not the problem. If marriage was the problem you'd see less cheating among those just cohabiting or dating, but you don't, people still cheat..... It's not about marriage. In any monogamous relationship cheating is possible with or without marriage and the cure isn't eliminate marriage or monogamy necessarily but people being honest with themselves about what they want and need and getting into relationships with that in mind. 1
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