Emilia Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Sorry haven't replied for a few days, had a lot happen. Thanks for the replies. A lot of conflicting views. She said she wasn't grinding. He just joined their group but hung out with her mainly. I can see why. She's stunningly beautiful and 23, so still in the partying phase. I'm also 23, but I don't like going clubbing that much. She saw how upset I was and promised to not hang out with other guys. I've decided to believe her. She's very affectionate and I can tell she loves me a lot. I notice some posters have dug up the previous stuff I posted. She hasn't taken drugs since that last time. I'm not prepared to dump her unless something serious happens. This has been the best relationship of my life so far. I think you've made the right decision Eclypse. All that speculation over why she told you was ridiculous, people project their insecurities and issues. You know her well enough by now to judge how honest she is. Good luck. 1
umirano Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 No, that doesn't make sense to me. There are plenty of venues where there's music and what you're looking for.. Why choose a shallow place like a club where most people are only looking to dance, drink, and hook up over loud club/live music that you often can't even hear yourself speak over? Maybe the concept of clubbing is different where I live. Not all clubs are totally alcohol infested hook up venues. Some are genuine meeting places for music connaisseurs. 2
ThatMan Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 (edited) Congratulations on her sobriety! That's awesome Eclypse. Did she go to rehab or speak with a professional about this? Wait a minute... Cocaine and the chemical dependence associated with it's use is a very serious medical disorder which requires medical intervention to overcome. You cannot simply willpower yourself out of cocaine use without enlisting some help. What I've seen a lot of recently are spouses of cocaine users cheerfully convince themselves of the problem going away. They hoped for the best and I cannot blame them for that. What happens is they refuse to acknowledge the reality of the situation and substitute in their own romanticized versions. The fact of the matter is unless she's sought out professional assistance, or you're with her at literally all hours of the day, then how do you presume to know whether or not she quit taking cocaine? And hypothetically speaking - What will it take for you to walk away? I can tell you that just like myself and countless men out there that you're not alone. Many have experienced both incredible and horrific moments in their relationships and had to grapple with the question of whether or not to leave. Sometimes we constantly tell ourselves, "It wasn't bad enough. I'm not going to leave unless something serious happens." After awhile people begin to realize they've just spent an entire relationship with so many bad moments but never did anything about it because they couldn't see it add up together as being severe enough. She's the sort of person who enters a bathroom stall with a stranger/another man just to grab her next fix. She kissed another guy at a club. If you're feeling uncomfortable by that, or by any of her actions at all, then you do not need to sit there living through so many bad moments and become miserable. Edited June 9, 2014 by ThatMan
umirano Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 I can see why. She's stunningly beautiful and 23, so still in the partying phase. I'm also 23, but I don't like going clubbing that much. She's just making sure her needs are met, be sure about that. She saw how upset I was and promised to not hang out with other guys. I've decided to believe her. She's very affectionate and I can tell she loves me a lot. That's not going to stop her. The thrill of getting attention (all kinds of it) is stronger than any promise made to you. I've been played by a girl just like yours Some drugs, some "girls" night out. She was really a stunning beauty, the life of the party type of girl, confident, out-going and sweet and usually smart. But she was too young, didn't know how to behave decently, or maybe did but couldn't overcome her instincts. If you don't believe me, read what some girls posted here, or women now, about their behavior when they were your GF's age. I notice some posters have dug up the previous stuff I posted. She hasn't taken drugs since that last time. I'm not prepared to dump her unless something serious happens. You've been shown your red flag. But enjoy while it lasts, the pain will be bad enough. This has been the best relationship of my life so far. There are better
giblesp Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Sorry haven't replied for a few days, had a lot happen. Thanks for the replies. A lot of conflicting views. She said she wasn't grinding. He just joined their group but hung out with her mainly. I can see why. She's stunningly beautiful and 23, so still in the partying phase. I have to ask if he was hanging out with her mainly, why didn't she close him down before it got to a kissing stage? If she's in a partying phase why isn't she partying with you, instead of strangers in nightclubs? If you're fine with this sort of thing then ok. But bear in mind what's happened here will happen again.
GoreSP Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Sorry haven't replied for a few days, had a lot happen. Thanks for the replies. A lot of conflicting views. She said she wasn't grinding. He just joined their group but hung out with her mainly. I can see why. She's stunningly beautiful and 23, so still in the partying phase. I'm also 23, but I don't like going clubbing that much. She saw how upset I was and promised to not hang out with other guys. I've decided to believe her. She's very affectionate and I can tell she loves me a lot. I notice some posters have dug up the previous stuff I posted. She hasn't taken drugs since that last time. I'm not prepared to dump her unless something serious happens. This has been the best relationship of my life so far. That's great news!
Conners Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Congratulations on her sobriety! That's awesome Eclypse. Did she go to rehab or speak with a professional about this? Wait a minute... Cocaine and the chemical dependence associated with it's use is a very serious medical disorder which requires medical intervention to overcome. You cannot simply willpower yourself out of cocaine use without enlisting some help. What I've seen a lot of recently are spouses of cocaine users cheerfully convince themselves of the problem going away. They hoped for the best and I cannot blame them for that. What happens is they refuse to acknowledge the reality of the situation and substitute in their own romanticized versions. The fact of the matter is unless she's sought out professional assistance, or you're with her at literally all hours of the day, then how do you presume to know whether or not she quit taking cocaine? And hypothetically speaking - What will it take for you to walk away? I can tell you that just like myself and countless men out there that you're not alone. Many have experienced both incredible and horrific moments in their relationships and had to grapple with the question of whether or not to leave. Sometimes we constantly tell ourselves, "It wasn't bad enough. I'm not going to leave unless something serious happens." After awhile people begin to realize they've just spent an entire relationship with so many bad moments but never did anything about it because they couldn't see it add up together as being severe enough. She's the sort of person who enters a bathroom stall with a stranger/another man just to grab her next fix. She kissed another guy at a club. If you're feeling uncomfortable by that, or by any of her actions at all, then you do not need to sit there living through so many bad moments and become miserable. The bold is ridiculous. Many people experiment with drugs at a young age, doesn't make them addicts. Of course it can lead to addiction however it is stupid to assume that everyone needs rehab or a professionals help after trying it a few times. I have no desire to take any drugs even though I have experimented in the past.
Friskyone4u Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 For those who think the scenarios were made go co suggest you go to a number of Infidelity boards and read about the agony that has come out of these made up scenarios
ThatMan Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 The bold is ridiculous. Many people experiment with drugs at a young age, doesn't make them addicts. Of course it can lead to addiction however it is stupid to assume that everyone needs rehab or a professionals help after trying it a few times. I have no desire to take any drugs even though I have experimented in the past. That's exactly spot on Conners. You aren't the only one that experimented with drugs and not become dependent. I think twenty-three sounds about the right age to be tethering between experimenting for fun during the past several years and a full blown chemical dependency. But that's just me and a guess. The bottom line is that none of us are in a position to figure out if she truly struggles with dependency. Not you, myself, and certainly not her boyfriend Eclypse. I ask about the rehab to make sure he fully understands the difference between romanticizing a bit opposed to any collaboration to confirm she's no longer using. Going into a bathroom stall alone with a man to score some cocaine is fairly common. But it can also go both ways and mean that she went off somewhat into the deep end. Not to mention it's also true that nobody has to go through a relationship incredibly stressed out all the time because there's so many bad moments.
GoreSP Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 For those who think the scenarios were made go co suggest you go to a number of Infidelity boards and read about the agony that has come out of these made up scenarios It's no excuse to accuse everyone and anyone of infidelity. Especially considering the little amount of information we actually had in this case.
GravityMan Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 1) I have nothing against "girls night out", it's good for a woman to go out with her female friends every now and then. But let's be honest here. 95% of the time, a "girls night out" means going out on the town at night with girlfriends. Meaning, going to clubs, bars, parties. Where many men will be. Who are eyeing the women, hitting on them, looking to dance with them, buy them drinks, et cetera. Where most patrons of both sexes are single and/or on the prowl. (Many people tend to tone down their clubbing once they get into committed relationships.) Now if the girl has firm boundaries while out clubbing, meaning she doesn't dance with random guys nor let them buy them drinks, then there's no problem going out clubbing with your girlfriends and w/o her BF. Eclypse's GF didn't do that. Not good. 2) The "I thought he was gay" line is almost certainly bull****. First of all, most gay guys do not like to dance with women, and they generally don't buy them drinks (unless the woman was a good friend of his). That's what straight guys do. It's a bit odd for a gay guy to be in a presumably non-gay club in the first place. And it's almost a sure bet that this guy was giving off signals that he was looking to kiss Eclypse's girlfriend long before the actual act. That guy ain't gay...he's either bi or straight. 3) His GF is only 23, so she's probably still pretty immature and in the learning phase on what's appropriate and not appropriate in regards to being in a committed, monogamous relationship. That's pretty common among party-type women at that age. For that reason, I don't think Eclypse should dump her yet. (I'd be less forgiving if she was 30+ years old.) 4) Eclypse himself needs to work on his insecurity. Having a significant other, ESPECIALLY one who is attractive, approachable and desirable to a lot of people, carries risk that other people will make moves on said SO. That's just the way it is. While concerns should be communicated of course, at the same time try not to make a big deal out of such events, you'll just make matters worse. At the end of the day, she's with Eclypse. 1
Author Eclypse Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 I have to ask if he was hanging out with her mainly, why didn't she close him down before it got to a kissing stage? If she's in a partying phase why isn't she partying with you, instead of strangers in nightclubs? If you're fine with this sort of thing then ok. But bear in mind what's happened here will happen again. We both go out clubbing from time to time. This time her friends from work wanted to go out without the boyfriends. They have these nights sometimes. I don't know why she didn't shut him down, she can be naive sometimes. I wasn't there so I didn't see what happened. She told me yesterday he asked if he could buy her a drink. She told him "oh I have a boyfriend, I thought you were gay". She said he then looked a bit sad and then suddenly leaned in and kissed her. That's when she pushed him away. I'm upset with him. I told her I don't want her hanging out with strange men. She's agreed not to. To the poster who asked about drugs. No she hasn't been to rehab. She's not a junkie. She's taken cocaine/speed maybe once every 4-5 months. We smoke weed together every few months on occasion. She's never shown signs of dependency to anything. 2
umirano Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 The thread starts to confuse me. Maybe your girl is being truthful. You don't come across as naive, so go along with it, but don't let her fnck with your heart. There's another thread where the guy (alexwood I think) is having a really hard time after dismissing several red flags, probably thinking he could 'fix' her.
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