nofeelings22 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Why? Well being the homebody's that we are, I suggested to my girlfriend that we go out somewhere, listen to live music, and hang out. Do something different than just hanging out at home. I'm not much of a dancer, but it's cool to hang out and "people watch" - the clubs provide really interesting opportunities for that. Her sister-in-law never gets out, so my girlfriend asked if she could come. Obviously I said yes, I get along well with this family. As for market value, what a way to think about things - but in my own opinion, based on experience, girls always get more attention at the clubs, than do men. My girlfriend is short, long blonde hair, pretty - but very shy. Her sister in law is more outgoing, short, brunette, pretty, and can dance really really good. Shyness in a female is cute (to me at least, I'm guessing alot of men would agree) And frankly, women don't really need to even know how to dance, to look good on the floor. Wiggle their bodies, toss their hair, smile, and they look fine. Men on the other hand, we have to know some moves, to be any good. Thus, thats why I hung out at the booth. It's either in your blood, or it's not in your blood. It's not in mine, but I have no problem watching my little girlfriend out there dancing away. The rest....is as posted. Not trying to drift the thread too much, but where do you draw the line? I've been the guy who is out with a girl or siome girls when other guys are all over them. It's ok for a bit, but when it lasts along time, do you start getting annoyed even though you maintain a cool exterior? I mean the girl still goes home with you, but you start to look like an idiot after a while. At least I feel like I do if that happens. Guys are so agressive, you go to the bathroom for 3 mins and they have your girl cornered even if they saw you together all night. Never fails. And what if you are bith super sloppy drunk and she messes up and gives her email to someone? That's happened to me before in a dating situation. Nothing came of it and she was claiming to just be keeping in contact for art purposes (we were just dating, no commitment), but where do you draw the line?? When is this club behavior that 99% of all girls exhibit too much? When a guy goes in for a kiss like the op's situation? Sooner? Later? What does everyone think? And why do girls find it so necessary to slut around clubs like that? What's the big thrill? They all do it. I guess that's the female equivalent of men visiting escorts? This may need it's own thread. 1
morrowrd Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Not trying to drift the thread too much, but where do you draw the line? I've been the guy who is out with a girl or siome girls when other guys are all over them. It's ok for a bit, but when it lasts along time, do you start getting annoyed even though you maintain a cool exterior? I mean the girl still goes home with you, but you start to look like an idiot after a while. At least I feel like I do if that happens. Guys are so agressive, you go to the bathroom for 3 mins and they have your girl cornered even if they saw you together all night. Never fails. And what if you are bith super sloppy drunk and she messes up and gives her email to someone? That's happened to me before in a dating situation. Nothing came of it and she was claiming to just be keeping in contact for art purposes (we were just dating, no commitment), but where do you draw the line?? When is this club behavior that 99% of all girls exhibit too much? When a guy goes in for a kiss like the op's situation? Sooner? Later? What does everyone think? And why do girls find it so necessary to slut around clubs like that? What's the big thrill? They all do it. I guess that's the female equivalent of men visiting escorts? This may need it's own thread. Well, the problem you are describing has no generic medicine. Each person has to navigate this particular issue, using whatever life learning and skills they have acquired. All I can tell you is what I have done, when in the situation you've just described. Rule number one, I NEVER get drunk while out in the clubs. You never know if you're going to have to fight, and I want to be ready if that happens. I have a saying, "I'm never looking for trouble, but I'm always looking for it." Make sense? Have a drink in your hand, but make it last. I can nurse a beer for an hour or more, its sole purpose is a ticket to fit in. Drunk times are for around the campfire somewhere, where it doesn't matter. Here, it matters. Secondly, pay attention to your girl. Know her, don't set yourself up for failure by taking ownership for things like the guys hitting on her, that's her job to take care of that. By being sober and attentive, most of the time you can head off problematic things like the sharks... just by being attentive. If you are out with a girl who thrives on male attention at your expense, you're with the wrong girl. 1
xxoo Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Going out with girlfriends should be about spending time with her girlfriends. NOT spending time with strange guys instead of her bf. You should not need to explain this to her. Her judgment and boundaries suck. And that's the generous explanation of her behavior. 3
sweetjasmine Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Is this the same girlfriend who on another girls' night out scored coke off some random guy while she was waiting in line for the bathroom? If so, why on earth would some guy trying to kiss her surprise you at all? You're dating a hardcore party girl. The poor boundaries, risky behavior, and disregard for your relationship come with the territory.
No Limit Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Just be sure to get checked for STDs every now and then. There's not much else to say to this anymore...
irc333 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Some people have encouraged me (at least from the swing dance community) to take lessons and be able to interact with women on that level, considering women love to dance...and though , love it when a guy dances with them. As if it made a guy a "Shoe in" to build attraction by cutting the rug with her. Something I've considered, I took some salsa lessons once, and the ladies there say they love it when a guy at least TRIES to dance. *shrug* Actually, I thought he age diff. was the reason you sit and sip on a beer while she dances. (Older men lack the energy the younger women do). As younger women tend to be more active than their older counter parts. Which actually brings up another post/topic altogether. I've known older/active women (late 40's to even 50's) that pursue younger men MAINLY because they find men THEIR age to be less active and couch potato-like. Last woman I dated, was in her mid to late 40's, I was late 30's at the time, that was her beef about her last boyfriend, he wouldn't even do casual bike rides or kayaking trips with her, just sit at home watching football games all weekend. lol Yeah, I went to school with her parents so in the beginning it was a bit awkward. Both parents have said I am the best boyfriend shes ever had. I do know how to treat a lady, and I treat this little girl very well. I adore her to be honest. She has made my life better, just being in it. She has very young children, my son is 20, so it was an "adjustment." I just bought another house, gave the one we were living in to my son, it just wasn't working. A mom, three kids, and a three bedroom house. Lot's of land, not enough floor space. And it was driving me crazy....this fixed that problem. The trade off, is there's like NO land with this place, vs the 5 acres with trails and ponds. The plus side is everyone has their own space, so I'm ok with it. Its been an adjustment for a man like me, but she's so worth it. Her sweetness has made my life so bright. Anyway, to the point, I am very non-social. My whole life is based on "going it alone" - and the dance floor is no place for me. I do like to watch however.
GoreSP Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Last night my girlfriend went out clubbing with her friends for a girls night out. I picked her up. She told me that she and her friends had met a couple of guys and were dancing with them for a couple of hours. She said the guy acted like he was gay most of the night, but he eventually leaned in and kissed her. She said she was really surprised and backed off immediately. I was pretty shocked and quite upset. I'm not angry he kissed her, she had no control over that. But she obviously must have given off signals she was single. And she spent a few hours in the club with him chatting. I feel a bit crap, if she was going to talk to guys they may as well have invited me then. She thinks I might not let her go clubbing anymore. I can't do that obviously, but how do I let her know to not put herself in such situations anymore? She kept asserting that she thought he was gay, and got a bit upset. Any advice please friends? Be thankful she backed off. I'm not sure what you mean by 'given off signals she was single'? She probably just chatted and danced around, having fun and the guy decided to make a move. What did you expect? That she walks into a club yelling 'I haaaveeee a boyyyfriieeeeeeend!!!!'? Maybe she could wear a t-shirt that says 'property of (insert your name here)?
GoreSP Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Let me get this straight. This is information we have: -Girlfriend goes out dancing with her friends -a few guys join them and they all dance together (in a group?) -girl thinks guy is gay -guy kisses girl -girl backs off -girl tells boyfriend And you are all assuming she isn't girlfriend material and actually 'put herself in that position' and is a cheater? I'm not sure I want to live on this planet anymore... 1
irc333 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Let me get this straight. This is information we have: -Girlfriend goes out dancing with her friends -a few guys join them and they all dance together (in a group?) -girl thinks guy is gay -guy kisses girl -girl backs off -girl tells boyfriend And you are all assuming she isn't girlfriend material and actually 'put herself in that position' and is a cheater? I'm not sure I want to live on this planet anymore... The girl is LYING in the bolded. Who is she honestly trying to fool here? 1
morrowrd Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Actually, I thought he age diff. was the reason you sit and sip on a beer while she dances. (Older men lack the energy the younger women do). As younger women tend to be more active than their older counter parts. Which actually brings up another post/topic altogether. I've known older/active women (late 40's to even 50's) that pursue younger men MAINLY because they find men THEIR age to be less active and couch potato-like. Last woman I dated, was in her mid to late 40's, I was late 30's at the time, that was her beef about her last boyfriend, he wouldn't even do casual bike rides or kayaking trips with her, just sit at home watching football games all weekend. lol Funny, I actually did chuckle. As a side note, that kind of goes along with this, she says I have the libido of an 18 year old. I guess it all goes with how well you take care of yourself. I have maintained a workout program for 35 years, I am in pretty good muscular shape, have alot of physical strength and stamina. I have run for ten years, even though I hated it, but if fixed the blood pressure issue I was having, along with my system I call "food reform" - I am a pretty good cook, so I have the skills to eat healthy. It's all down to a pretty good system. She loves the fact I cook for her and her children. I'm the first man who's ever done that. I open doors, carry everything heavy, I have her back whenever she runs into problems with the kids at school, I have her back period. What I bring to the table is security. Thats my thing, what I'm good at. What I don't bring, is a social circle. I'm on my own team, no family other than my son, who is as non social as myself. I feel that we balance each other out....my "family" now has expanded to include her's. The biggest plus, I love her. I don't honestly think I've ever been in love until her because the feelings are so different. All those stupid icky love songs you hear, all now make sense. Funny huh. Back to your comment, I drink beer at the booth because I don't fit in on the dance floor. Girls fit in because of the creatures they are.....honestly I sometimes wonder why they're attracted to men in the first place. All that softness, curves, hair, and eyes, if I was born female, I'd be a lesbian.
GoreSP Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 The girl is LYING in the bolded. Who is she honestly trying to fool here? And yo know this for sure becauuuuse? You are just assuming she does. Because -yeah - no girl on earth is actually going to be faithful to her boyfriend never ever ever. (yes that is sarcasm)
bubbaganoosh Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 IMO she told you she thought he was gay to lessen the trouble she go into. Throw out the "He's gay" schtik to cover herself. If it's me, I ain't buying it. If she can't handle her alcohol then she's headed for trouble and so are you. 1
xxoo Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Let me get this straight. This is information we have: -Girlfriend goes out dancing with her friends -a few guys join them and they all dance together (in a group?) -girl thinks guy is gay -guy kisses girl -girl backs off -girl tells boyfriend And you are all assuming she isn't girlfriend material and actually 'put herself in that position' and is a cheater? I'm not sure I want to live on this planet anymore... I'd consider the part I bolded inappropriate. If it's a girls' night, it's a girls' night. Not a night to dance with new men at the club while the bf is excluded. 2
umirano Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Thanks bubbagosh and xxoo for putting that into perspective. Of course it's a cop out (I though he was gay / He was nice). Dancing in clubs is not a damn sports competition, it's about attracting. My GF would have been furious if I told her "other chicks happened to dance with me" and then "one of them forced a kiss on me". Lose that chick and invest into somebody with manners and some self control.
Spectre Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 The better question is why was your gf out at a club dancing with a bunch of other dudes for *hours* in the first place. If she is going on a girls night out..then it kind of needs to be a "girls night out". Meaning, no men at all. Otherwise it is less a "girls night out" and more a "night out with your gf grinding on some strangers".
stillafool Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I don't believe this guy leaned in for a kiss and she couldn't stop him. Just doesn't make sense. Why was he that close to her anyway? Why wasn't she having fun with her girlfriends instead of talking close to some guy? Something stinks OP. 1
nofeelings22 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I don't believe this guy leaned in for a kiss and she couldn't stop him. Just doesn't make sense. Why was he that close to her anyway? Why wasn't she having fun with her girlfriends instead of talking close to some guy? Something stinks OP. 100%! I've leaned in and been rejected before. Girls do a great little ostrich type neck extension in less than a second! Impossible to kiss anyone who doesn't want to be kissed.
noww Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 100%! I've leaned in and been rejected before. Girls do a great little ostrich type neck extension in less than a second! Impossible to kiss anyone who doesn't want to be kissed. Agreeeeeed.
GoreSP Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I'd consider the part I bolded inappropriate. If it's a girls' night, it's a girls' night. Not a night to dance with new men at the club while the bf is excluded. But what if one of her friends is single and liked one of the guys in the group? They didn't plan to have the other dudes join in - it just happened there. The only inappropriate behavior I see in this story is the guy who kissed her. Everyone assumes it's the girl's fault for not flaunting her relationship status? Some people even went as far as to say she is lying about what really happened and that she even led him on. Seriously, some people have serious issues with relationships. It's like you are fishing for fights. Never mind she actually did the right thing by backing off and as far as we know, didn't see the guy again...
dory Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Unless she was giving all the men come-hither stares, I highly doubt she was giving off a "single vibe," whatever you think that is. Men are always naturally attracted to women who are out having a good time. Ask yourself why you're so insecure you can't be on her side about this. 2
veggirl Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Most guys don't just lean in and kiss a girl out of nowhere. But I guess the grinding made him think he had the green light. Hard to believe a drunk girl who does drugs and steals for fun had the wits about her to not participate in that kiss at all, but whatever helps ya sleep at night, OP. My guess, she participated as much as he did but in case someone tells you "uh Sally was kissing a dude at the club last night" she can say "yeah I already told you some guy kissed me" and dismiss it. Poor little victim girl. 1
Omei Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) OP I dont know your post history.... There is too many people on this form making assumptions and putting ideas into this guys head. Going to the bar with your girlfriends while in a relationship is not wrong, many people do it its fun to dance listen to music and have a good time guys do it too. She came home and told him. This is the most important part. OP, until or unless she's giving you any other reasons as to why you shouldn't trust her story do not make a problem out of it. You're just going to have to make a choice believe her or dont believe her. There is nothing else you can do, if you pick to believe her your just going to have to drop it for the sake of your relationship since she told you. If she does hold a past of questionable actions like this yes she could be lying, but if not....then drop it, its that simple making up different scenarios of how this happened is never gonna solve anything since you were not there. Edited June 7, 2014 by Omei 1
Under The Radar Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 As horny, testosterone driven, and aggressive as men can be ...... ...... 99% of the time no man is leaning in for a kiss unless he believes it's ok with the girl. If she was super drunk, dancing with the dude, he's grinding up on her, and everyone's having a good time ...... what is he supposed to think? Getting that drunk and dancing with other men, while in a committed long term relationship, is completely disrespectful and shows a severe lack of boundaries.
NYC-BigKat Posted June 8, 2014 Posted June 8, 2014 She's not girlfriend material. A decent girl doesn't put herself in this sort of situation to begin with. She's like many women I see these days, wants a relationship, but still wants to live like she's single. Yup too many unfaithful girls out here & I think the guy pretended to be gay to get her.
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