She is scared, I still love her

[ostateclarett13]

I guess I have gone to every single person that I know about this, but I still need to talk about it.

 

My girlfriend broke up with me right before we were coming back to school, literally she called me the morning I was headed back to school (like 2am) to tell me she needed to break up. Its been almost two months and I am a mess. We were together for 3 months and we both fell in love. She had even said that I was the "one" and that there was a reason why she came to this school, instead of her dream school, and she said that she believe that reason was me. I tried to talk to her about why we broke up when we got back to school, and that only made things worse, she couldn't tell me. In the days before she had broke up with me, she had called me. She was upset about her dad, because she had found an ornament that her dad and his new fiance had made that said "First Christmas." She was getting more and more upset on the phone and the last thing I said was, "are you ok?" she responded "NO I AM NOT OK" and hung up on me. I tried to call her for the next 5 days and she never responded or picked up, I was really worried that something may have happened to her, and when we were on the phone she said that she wished that I could have given her time to herself. And here I was worried that she may have gotten in a car crash due to her being so upset! and she couldn't even see how much I care!!! I understand that she needed time to herself, but for christ sake we were in two different states at the time. When we finally talked when i got back she said that she didn't know what she wanted, and that she couldn't understand that I wanted to get married. (Hello, she was the one who brought it up in the first place) But I believe that she got scared about our possible future and getting hurt. 1) her parents got divorced recently (past year) because her father cheated on her mother, and he doesn't think he did anything wrong. (I do not agree with him) 2) she is going to study in another country next fall. she had said to me, when we talked after the break up, that she wasn't sure if people are meant to be together.

 

The most odd thing about all of this is that there was no warning, we never fought. We had one fight, and we resolved it, we got into an argument about my driving, well it wasn't an argument, but she was upset at me about how I drive. I had asked her if she had been thinking about this for a long time, and she said "no, just in the past few days" as in the day she got upset on the phone, until she called me 5 days later.

 

I figured that I would be able to get over her, but I told her that I would wait until she knew how she felt until I moved on. The thing is, I truely love her, I know I mean I KNOW that she is the "one" and I do not want to give up on her. Only it will kill me inside (like it has been) if I keep waiting. All of my friends have said that I need to move on, but I can't. I don't care what people say, but I do "wear my heart on my sleeve" and I already know that she is the one. I wouldn't wake up every morning thinking about her, and about how much I love her until I got to sleep. And I am not kidding about that, not an exaggeration. I haven't talked to her in about a week and a half, because I told her that I would stay away so she could figure things out. I still get to see her once a week because we had scheduled to have a class together, before this happened. And yes, it is hard to be in the same room with her and not being able to tell her how I feel.

 

What should I do, how can I get her to tell me her feelings about me, and to BELIEVE that I love her and would never hurt her???? Thanks for reading this is you have, you don't know how much it means when someone cares.

[kypepeo]

I know it must be freally difficult for you and I can't really understand what you are going thru but I know what it's like to be where she is. Its difficult being there and she needs to deal with this on her own and unfortunately, as much as you would like to be there for her, it will only complicate the situation. If she really is the one, then this is one of the many things that your relationship will have to go through to make it stronger. Let her go, she'll come back to you. Write her a letter, tell her how you feel about her and what you are feeling because of what's going on now. Tell her to keep it and she can read it as she goes through this problem. That way she'll have piece of you and she'll have evidence that you care. After that, let her be until she's ready.

[ostateclarett13]

I did write her a letter, and an email...and then I wrote her another email yesterday. I probobly shouldn't have written her one, but yesterday was just really tough for me and that is why I did it. I think that I just made her more angry about why I won't give her space. Because I asked her on AIM if she had gotten the book she was going to let me borrow, and her responses were really fast and short. I could see her facial expression in my mind. Plus her friend told me that she was having a bad day, so I most likely did not aid to the situation. Just giving the update. I wish I had posted here before I did anything. Thanks for you help though, it will make things easier in the future.

[ostateclarett13]

I've been reading some other peoples' entries, who are going through the same issues as I am. I just wish that I knew how long this will take. I'm not ready to give up on her because I know there may still be a chance. I sent her an email the other day telling her that I wasn't going to give up on her like other people in her life, and that I wasn't going to listen to my friends who say she is just "another girl." I really really want her back in my life. Everyday I wake up and just wonder if everything in her life is ok...and I don't know because we aren't talking. I know that I should give her the space she wants, but I am just afraid that if I disappear, she will think that I don't care about her and that I don't really love her. I know that the email just made her angry at me because we have class together and she let me borrow a book for another class, and when she handed it to me, she didn't even look at me. And she walked away so fast I couldn't even thank her for the book. To make things worse a friend of hers from highschool died yesterday, and she just found out. I don't know how good friends they were, but anyone who I call a "friend" I know that I would be upset about it, I just hope she is ok. I can't say I know how she feels because I have never felt that kind of loss.

[hurtingandconfused]

I sent her an email the other day telling her that I wasn't going to give up on her like other people in her life, and that I wasn't going to listen to my friends who say she is just "another girl."

 

The whole I'm not going to give up until you come back to me is BS; it's a fantasy. Once someone is not into you, there is nothing in the world that can change their mind.

 

And I agree she's not another girl. She's a girl that opened your eyes to new things. She's a girl that broke your heart, and made you realize that you don't need her in order to be happy.

 

live, learn, ...

[ostateclarett13]

When you say, once someone is not into you that there is nothing you can do to change their minds...I am not even sure if that is what it is. From what I do know, it has something to do with her parents divorce and her father's new girlfriend. If you read my first entry you would see what I mean. From what she said to me, it seems that she is questioning how she feels because of the fear of it ending up like her parents' relationship ended....which I understand, to a degree. You don't one minute tell someone they are the "one" and that you love them, and then not explain to them why you need to be away, unless you still have feelings for that person and are just confused about outside forces (ie, her parent's divorce) that make it hard to trust those feelings.

[kypepeo]

I agree, she's does have feelings for you but at this point, she can't see you as anything else other than a threat and if you don't stop emailing her, she's going to start seeing you as a pest. It must be difficult for you not being there for her but you must let her be. Find something else to occupy your mind. Accept the fact that at the moment, you two are not going to be together and deal with that fact

[ostateclarett13]

I think I will take your advice on the stop emailing...I IMMEDIATLEY regret emailing her, the minute i sent it....right after I had sent it i checked my mail, and your reply (kypepeo) and I realized that I should just be waiting without contacting her. I just had thought that if I didn't try to show her that I didnt care, that she would think I was just full of ****. I figure that she and I will atleast talk before the semester ends, mainly because by the last day of school, I will ask her...because if there is a chance, I doubt that it will last through the summer, then again it could. But thanks for your reply, it does help.

[hurtingandconfused]

You don't one minute tell someone they are the "one" and that you love them, and then not explain to them why you need to be away, unless you still have feelings for that person and are just confused about outside forces

 

You are wrong. Trust me it happens very often. I'm living proof.

 

Hang in there and find new hobbies. You'll be yourself sooner rather than later.

[ostateclarett13]

I am not ruling out that you could be right. I am just holding on because I know how I feel, and there is still a possiblity of a chance. But, In time we will see what happens....

[ostateclarett13]

I was thinking about this earlier....I was walking back from doing our school's sports show at around 11pm. I was walking down to my dorm and I happened to look over at the doorway to the dorm where she lives. She happened to be standing there talking to her friend who was leaving. I didn't go over or anything I just kept walking to my building, but as I glanced at her and saw her smile and her laughing, I just felt a sense of how much I miss her and how much I still love her. I see her in class every week, but I never really see her smile, and if we do look at each other, it never looks happy. I try and catch glimpses of her beautiful smile, how her eyes glow when she laughs. I never really noticed how beautiful she is, I always told her that I loved her, but I never said how beautiful she looked...that often anyways. I would tell her that, but not that much. I just thought she was incredible, but I thought she was so great that I looked past her actual looks. She is so pure, so amazing. I wish I could post a picture, but that is out of the question, I want this to be completely anynonmus (sorry can't spell). I don't care if she stumbles onto this, I just don't want her to feel violated by me identifying her or I. This may be my thoughts and post, but I still respect privacy (for anyone). Here its almost 5 oclock in the morning and all I can think about is how much I miss holding her in my arms, I never felt a love like that before. Its a love that I don't want to lose forever. I can only hope that I will find out how she feels and that we can fix things. Giving up on someone that important is not an option. As long as there is a chance, I will never give up on her.

 

I also read in someone else's entry that 80% of the time if they ignore you, they have found someone else? I have questioned if she has found someone else, but I don't think she has. We have some of the same friends, even though they know it would be hard for me to know, they would tell me. Plus word travels pretty fast on campus, I would know.

[ostateclarett13]

So, I haven't talked to her for about two weeks now....I'm ok though, but my birthday is coming up not this monday, but the next. We do have class together on my bday, I am not expecting anything from her, but does anyone think she will even say happy birthday to me? Its not like she doesn't know its my birthday, she has it in her phone on her schedule. If she does say happy birthday, how should I react?????

[hurtingandconfused]

We were together for 3 months and we both fell in love.

 

If she tells you happy bday she has moved on. (tell her thank you.) 3 months is really nothing, so my advice is not to hold on to the past and move on.

 

If she does not tell you happy bday it is because she's either hurting from breaking up or she really did forget.(which means she's moved on.)

[ostateclarett13]

I'm not sure if this matters or anything, but for like a couple of weeks she had me blocked on instant messenger, and now she has unblocked me...like the past 3 weeks. Only we never talk online. I relate this to my "do you think she will say happy birthday" question, because she never talks to me and yet it is like she is giving me the opportunity to. If she didn't want to talk to me why wouldn't she block me? I don't talk to her online anyway, because I figure that it would only make things worse, but if she instant messages' me...I will respond, but I'm not sure if we will talk anytime soon, I hope we will, but I don't know.

[ostateclarett13]

I haven't really been looking forward to this weekend, even though my birthday falls on monday. In the last forum I had mentioned something about if my ex were to possibly say happy birthday to me when we have class. I have two friends that live with her, and this past night one of them asked me to come by to help her with her project on her computer. (and no it is not like she and I got together or something if that is what you are thinking) When I came into the room I was looking over at the stuff on my ex's desk, to see if there was anything, and signs. We'll she had this thing that she holds photos in, not an album, but more like a frame of a bunch, and the one of me and her was replaced. So, naturally my heart kinda sank. I had remember that my friend had told me that she no longer had the dried rose on her bulletin board that I had given her, but a couple of dried roses. At first I thought "who just gave her roses?" When I was there tonight I saw the roses hanging up, and they have to be roses that I gave her. I had given her a dozen roses when I came up after Christmas, which she left at her mom's house. When my friend had told me about those roses, she had said that my ex had put them up when she moved into the room. I also noticed on her calendar that my birthday was still written in and that it had a smiley face. The thing that I just thought about is, she put this calendar up when she got to school. We broke up before we got back. I know that she didn't jump ahead to Feb and put my birthday in it. To me that is a sign that means something, what...I don't know. Granted she is supposidly having a great time hanging out and all, so I am not sure if she misses me or not. Even though everyone says to let go, I am still going to wait for her. I don't know what to expect on my birthday, whether she says anything or not......I guess I will just have to wait and see.

 

She is also going on a Christian retreat over the weekend with a friend of hers, I am hoping that maybe something will spark her mind to make her think of me, maybe help things out.

[Nick14]

I am not trying to be mean ostateclarett, but 3 months is a very very short time. Its still classified as serious dating, but difently not a serious relationship. Anywhere from 1-6 months is still the puppy love change. I can see a year or more, then that can be true love or the "one". Honestly, my ex broke up with me at the end of August and we went 2.5 years together. That was a soul mate in the making for sure, she was everything I wanted in a woman and much more. She just one day just walked out and said "this can't work" and then proceded to just say I am sorry or "I dunno" and then boom, treats me like a stranger a month later(probably cause I bugged her the first 3 weeks, cause I at the time I was at a mental state where I was really lost and confused and didn't want it to end. Best thing I can say man is, don't bug her, let her do her thing. Stay busy, do crap, lots of crap and just get on with life. If she comes back, it has to be on her terms. When you saw, how your pictures were not there, trust me I know the feeling. I went in her room that same day of the break up and everything was gone, roses, pictures of us, old pictures, it sucked and I couldn't believe it and this was at 7:30am after she sent me a email saying were done. Its funny cause, that email was so sincere, it didn't seem like her email, I am guess one of her parents wrote it cause she probably didn't have the urge to do it, oh well. Still I get treated like a stranger and its been 7 months and 1.5 months of NC. Just keep your head up, stay busy and don't bug her or contact her, she will find when she wants too.

[ostateclarett13]

I thought she was upset, by something that was in her instant message profile, so I talked to her. She said that she was fine. I asked her if I would ever know if there is a chance? She said that she feels pressured whenever I ask her and that I just keep pushing her away when I do that. So I told her that this was affecting me more than she realizes, so she responded to just let it go. i wasn't sure what she meant, so i said that i would wait until she would tell me an i would try to quit asking her, and she said to let it go. So i said, do you mean that there isn't a chance? and she said that is what she meant. I said that i wish she had told me from the beginning when we first broke up. She said that it wasn't the way it always was, but that it is now. So I said: and i caused it. She said that it was a combination of things. I said: what? and she said that she didn't want to get into it. I asked her if she could tell me what happened in the days before we broke up that caused her to want to break up. Her response: what part of I don't want to get into it don't you understand? Then she signed off. Possibly the last time I will ever get to speak to her.

 

We have been at school for 8 weeks. This has been eating at me physically and emotionally, so I don't see that me asking her about it as a bad thing. But to her it was. So, I officially lost her today. According to her, there isn't a chance. I need to let go, and maybe its just because it just happened, but I still feel like there is still hope, because I pushed her into the decision by talking to her about it tonight. I still love her like I did when we were together. I still wish that she would be the woman I end up spending the rest of my life with. Only, I have lost her.....most likely forever. And I still feel like I shouldn't give up on her. I really don't want to either.