seekingluv Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 i feel kind of silly even posting this but i guess it will hopefully make me feel better to just get it out there. i "met" a guy online a couple months back. he seemed fairly interested to "talk more" initially and asked for my number to be able to text (from work) as opposed to talking from the site as we originally were. he works the graveyard shift and apparently for the time being anyway, was working 7 days a week. he texted me later (from work) and we had a fairly lengthy conversation that got into some of his past with the site and a particular relationship. i asked so i was okay with him letting me know. after that we continued to talk including about interests and things we might potentially do together. we were talking about every couple nights on average. sometimes him initiating. sometimes me. he always seemed happy to hear from me and interested in engaging in more conversation. one thing that seemed to occur is instead of his work letting up, it actually got even more intense. at one point he suggested we could maybe meet for breakfast. (when he gets out of work i guess). he did suggest a saturday though, which is preferable to me even though i am not currently working (tho staying busy). i realized after texting one night that while we talked about making that happen in the next couple weeks, that i wouldn't be able to because of other things going on including a weekend trip out of state to visit with family. i texted him during the day when he was likely sleeping to let him know that i realized conflicts and wondered if we might be able to meet up possibly on a week day. he never replied. almost a week later, i decided to text him at night again and ask him "what happened"? he replied back surprisingly quickly mentioning it might be tough during the week. he also commented a few messages later as we were "talking" that he thought he had gotten back to me a few days before. basically, it seemed like he really was getting a bit bogged down/caught up with work and it was getting harder for him to focus on much else. i can definitely understand that but by that time, i was the only one initiating conversation which i was getting a little tired of. he said in one text "yeah, will get it together no problem...just really busy here at work with the expansion...it's not about you...gnite.." the g'nite was in response to my msg just before that where i had said "maybe there was a breakfast outing in his future. nite..zzz" we had a few more exchanges that night where i teased him a little about working so much. he explained something about what was going on with the company and and that he really didn't expect it to have lasted that long. i said ok, just hope he gets some fun time and said i hoped he could read my text abbreviations. he said that he was "getting used to them now lol" i said "cool" and then asked when he got his zzz since he had to stay into the morning at least once just before that. he didn't reply to that and i didn't write until almost a week later. it was again during the day and just felt like commenting on something with myself. nothing to do with him. i acknowledged that he was probably sleeping and that i just wanted to express myself. however 4 days after that, i still had not heard from him. it was nightshift time but memorial day weekend. i wrote to check in and ask if he was still working around the clock as i was about to drop off to dreamland. i realized he may have finally had some time off (maybe). i sent one last message later that evening. (he would prob be sleeping if still working. otherwise, who knows?) at that point i said i guess i would have to find another reason to check out his hometown, (which he had pitched to me as a great up & coming city) "oh well, nice chatting w/ya 4 a bit and hope u have some fun in ur life.;)" that was the end of that. i'm not sure why i felt like i liked the guy (i never met) so much, but he just seemed very "real" and down to earth, basically which i found kind of refreshing. he once jokingly asked if i wanted to go bowling which then turned into a half serious pursuit as we chatted about it a little. he also "joked" about a potential b & b place to go to. of course, that's not how i would meet him. anyway, i haven't been that interested in really trying for or responding really to anyone else since then and i guess it's kinda weird. why be stuck on this guy? not sure what my dealio is. guess i was wondering, what i have already mostly thought up to now which is it would be a waste of time and effort or an exercise in perhaps, degrading myself?, to reach out in any way at any time in the future. btw, he did claim at one point when i asked about whether he had met his "good woman" (something he had earlier claimed was the only missing piece in his life) he responded with "LOL...no haven't even been on that site...it's not you just busy at work. you at your dad's now..." and we conversed a little from there. in retrospect, i think that he probably was really busy with his job and that it was a difficult time to focus on much else even if he wanted to. however, if he is either still that busy or for whatever reason doesn't feel it's worth getting in touch with me anymore, i should just let it go right? perhaps the not about me comment should be my signal as to some extent it should be about me, right? thanks for any feedback.
BetrayedH Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I wouldn't overanalyze. I also wouldn't be the one to initiate texts anymore. Being put on the shelf for days at a time isn't working for you. If he wants to initiate, let him go ahead and make some effort or that "missing good woman" is going to stay missing. Don't beat yourself up but don't overinvest either. I would consider the ball to be in his court.
Author seekingluv Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 okay, i hear ya. thx. still struggling with using this site and i may have just unsubscribed accidentally to my own thread. not sure how. i definitely over analyzed i guess because i was pretty disappointed to stop hearing from him altogether and went out of my way to make sense of it. will refrain from any more initiating which i haven't done in 10 days now. thx again. 1
Absinthe Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Whoa, no point overanalysing. Being "busy with work" is almost always code for "not that interested". I have a busy job but trust me if I really like someone, I can find the time.
Absinthe Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I'd also like to point out that in OLD, intense messaging, suddenly followed by the messenger going AWOL, is not uncommon. I went on two dates with a guy, it was great, then he just...disappeared. Clearly he wasn't that interested. I messaged him a couple of times, he never played ball. So I got the hint and moved on. He hasn't messaged me since. For these people not messaging you anymore is something they barely give a second thought to, so it's really not worth the brain matter for you to think about it either!
Author seekingluv Posted June 7, 2014 Author Posted June 7, 2014 got it. i do happen to think he was really busy with work for a few different reasons, all of which i didn't share in my original message, and i also know what it's like to get so caught up sometimes with stuff that it just feels like there isn't leftover time/energy to be pursuing a relationship with someone we still hardly know, and lastly i think this can be more common for guys (valuing work over unknown woman) than for women who place more value in general on relationships but....having said all that, there is still a bottom line that he could not have ultimately been that interested since his work (and whatever) priorities were placed highly enough above any interest in me that he was able to just let our communication fall by the wayside pretty easily for pretty long, even with efforts from me to do otherwise. best not to spend too much time and effort on someone we hardly know who is not reciprocating, huh? thx for feedback.
Rar0 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 got it. i do happen to think he was really busy with work for a few different reasons, all of which i didn't share in my original message, and i also know what it's like to get so caught up sometimes with stuff that it just feels like there isn't leftover time/energy to be pursuing a relationship with someone we still hardly know, and lastly i think this can be more common for guys (valuing work over unknown woman) than for women who place more value in general on relationships but....having said all that, there is still a bottom line that he could not have ultimately been that interested since his work (and whatever) priorities were placed highly enough above any interest in me that he was able to just let our communication fall by the wayside pretty easily for pretty long, even with efforts from me to do otherwise. best not to spend too much time and effort on someone we hardly know who is not reciprocating, huh? thx for feedback. Totally agree
Recommended Posts