saltyfishhead666 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Now I use dating sites (usually pof) like many people do. I often get messages, from guys who state in their profile they are looking for relationships, long term Whatever. Now the thing the puzzles me is, that is what they state they are seeking however they then offer you "fun" wtf?? Has anyone worked out what this is all about yet? In my profile it clearly states what I am looking for, be it a friendship or a relationship. So why do men seem to deviate entirely from what they are seeking? (I know someone will ask, all my pictures are respectable, I'm Not half naked and my boobs aren't popping out or even saying hello LOL)
Conners Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 They probably think women won't reply if they see on their profile that they are only after some ass. They probably try engage you in conversation at first, suck you in a little bit and then drop the bomb. 2
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 That's what I was thinking too. It seems the majority of women are looking for actual relationships And a nice chunk of men are after bedroom "relationships" lol
Gaeta Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 That happened to me on daily basis when I was on POF. Mostly they were men that could not offer me the type of relationship I was looking for, they were married, they lived far, they were 20 years younger, etc. At first I would get annoyed and ask them if they knew how to read a profile, after a while I gave up and just not answer any of them
Andy_K Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 There's a good chance they're looking for relationships, but only from certain girls. If they don't see you as being quite what they're looking for, they'll offer you 'fun' instead. Not really incongruent, there is no option for 'I'm looking for serious for the right girl, but casual with anyone else I find attractive'. So they'll put serious on the profile so as not to scare off the ones they really want, then they'll take their chances with whatever else they can get. 5
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 There's a good chance they're looking for relationships, but only from certain girls. If they don't see you as being quite what they're looking for, they'll offer you 'fun' instead. Not really incongruent, there is no option for 'I'm looking for serious for the right girl, but casual with anyone else I find attractive'. So they'll put serious on the profile so as not to scare off the ones they really want, then they'll take their chances with whatever else they can get. So basically they'll go to bed with anyone they find half attractive, but not give them anything more. That just seriously lowered my respect for some men. Although you are probably most definitely right 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Now I use dating sites (usually pof) like many people do. I often get messages, from guys who state in their profile they are looking for relationships, long term Whatever. Now the thing the puzzles me is, that is what they state they are seeking however they then offer you "fun" wtf?? *facepalm* What in the world could be puzzling about this? Welcome to earth, shall I introduce you to someone called..."man"? Ohhh I get it, you thought men were honest about their intentions and if they stated they are looking for a relationship then they are actually looking for a relationship...well that's cute, but not very realistic. So basically they'll go to bed with anyone they find half attractive, but not give them anything more. That just seriously lowered my respect for some men. Although you are probably most definitely right If you're over the age of 16 this SHOULD be pretty much be common knowledge, it's not "probably" right, it is right for the vast majority...but don't worry, you'll always believe or think the man you're with would be different for no real good reason and better than those "some men", so it won't apply to you anyway at least in your mind as you "avoid" them all...at least you'll never know FOR SURE since a man basically has to admit that to you word for word, which the vast majority never would be so stupid, while at the same time the vast majority are sleeping with women they find half-attractive because a vagina is a vagina...so do the math on that one. 4
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 *facepalm* What in the world could be puzzling about this? Welcome to earth, shall I introduce you to someone called..."man"? Ohhh I get it, you thought men were honest about their intentions and if they stated they are looking for a relationship then they are actually looking for a relationship...well that's cute, but not very realistic. If you're over the age of 16 this SHOULD be pretty much be common knowledge, it's not "probably" right, it is right for the vast majority...but don't worry, you'll always believe or think the man you're with would be different for no real good reason and better than those "some men", so it won't apply to you anyway at least in your mind as you "avoid" them all...at least you'll never know FOR SURE since a man basically has to admit that to you word for word, which the vast majority never would be so stupid, while at the same time the vast majority are sleeping with women they find half-attractive because a vagina is a vagina...so do the math on that one. LMAO!! Awesome response! I could feel the sarcasm ooze out of every word. You beat me to the punch on this one Ninjainpajamas since this was pretty much how I was going to respond. Dating, particularly OLD is really just a game of odds more than it is about finding true love unfortunately. Most people just end up settling for the best of the worst.
central Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Many men ARE looking for a relationship, but of course it's not easy to find someone who's a great match to actually have a relationship. Until that person comes along, may as well enjoy the process of finding them - which usually means having sex. As for me, I'd rather have sex with someone who is a real and compatible prospect, rather than waste time on someone who never could be. 1
hotpotato Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 At least they dropped the bomb before they took you out on a date!
rocketman122 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Now I use dating sites (usually pof) like many people do. I often get messages, from guys who state in their profile they are looking for relationships, long term Whatever. Now the thing the puzzles me is, that is what they state they are seeking however they then offer you "fun" wtf?? Has anyone worked out what this is all about yet? In my profile it clearly states what I am looking for, be it a friendship or a relationship. So why do men seem to deviate entirely from what they are seeking? (I know someone will ask, all my pictures are respectable, I'm Not half naked and my boobs aren't popping out or even saying hello LOL) WHen I saw a woman who wrote "friendship" in her profile, I jumped to the next profile. to me its the same as the guys who write fun. when I wrote my profile I specifically wrote things like no BS, not looking to waste anyones time, dont want to be anyones entertainer, and not looking for "only fun" to me a serious relationship means having the mindset and knowing that the person u want to be with u will consider either marrying or moving in or both. no rush to either, but that is the mindset, no matter who it may be. I dont go in with the "yea, lets flow and see where it leads" so yea, when I see friendship I run far. friendship is a given. but to say it means youre looking for some salami and lets keep it casual for now. you stay there and I stay here and well get together once in a while when im bored. no way
guest572 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Yes better to find out now than at the end of your first date when he starts groping for a one night stand *shudders*
DArtagnan2 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 My guess is, they aren't really reading your profile. Or they glance at what they want, (pics, likes, etc), and then send a message immediately based on the pics. If they even looked at the profile for more then 2 minutes.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 My guess is, they aren't really reading your profile. Or they glance at what they want, (pics, likes, etc), and then send a message immediately based on the pics. If they even looked at the profile for more then 2 minutes. Welcome to OLD my friend. Where reading profiles is as rare as seeing a polka-dot unicorn sh*tting Skittles
Leigh 87 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 My second boyfriend I met online was seeking a relationship. He abhores casual "fun". However, let's just say that I WAS NOT expecting him to be a "nice guy" who was "genuine" and "honest with his intentions":lmao: It was a very pleasant surprise. Put it that way. And often times the men who swear that they do want a relationship with you will dissapear after they get sex. Most humans are dishonest, selfish butt holes who are utterly hapless and unremarkable; they will tell you they want a relationship just to get sex and have fun because they are too piss weak to go out and get sex the honest way (such as goingto clubs and pubs and openly seeking out women who want the same thing. And as that poster outlined, yes some men are legit about wanting a relationship but only if a girl knocks their socks off. Which is what I also do personally, I wait for someone I am really into. It is only a sore point for me when guys LIE about their intentions, for instance, some guys will know the want a relationship but not with YOU; they will then try to ask for sex and undermine your worth in the way in which they go about it and you have to be really attuned and experienced and have a good bulls hot detector to recognize a man who is so just having fun with you under the guise of being open to anything". I believe my boyfriend is an anomaly. I got very lucky. I am thrilled that I went through guys who seemed super into me only to dissapear or lose interest fast.*It really served me well as i tend to be very introspective. ... i ask questions and figure out why what happens to me, happens. Plus ninjainpyjamas is here on love shack and he sure opened up my eyes and confirmed my natural instinct on mem which I always knew deep down but didn' want to admit. 1
ascendotum Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 (edited) Many men ARE looking for a relationship, but of course it's not easy to find someone who's a great match to actually have a relationship. Until that person comes along, may as well enjoy the process of finding them - which usually means having sex. As for me, I'd rather have sex with someone who is a real and compatible prospect, rather than waste time on someone who never could be. What Andy said is spot on. Lots & lots of guys on OLD wont consider having sex a waste of time. I know a few guys (players) were you could say its almost a hobby. For many guys, sending out lots of crafted emails to women they would love to get to know better for a relationship, but getting 5% reply rate & no 2nd dates, is a waste of time. If they get laid along the way (with a woman that is ok but they would not be interested in for a relationship), eh that helps to make the process a little more worthwhile. I reckon plenty of women do the same while waiting for Mr Right to come along, except they don't have to drop standards when it comes to nsa (in fact lots of times they go up....supply & demand). I know women want to love the fact that they are special to their guy, but if lots where to ask the guy they met on OLD, what made them standout to to want to be their gf, they wouldn't want to hear from the guy...'you were the first girl in 200 I contacted that I managed to hit the 2nd date mark with'. lol Edited June 6, 2014 by ascendotum 1
rocketman122 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I would like to add a males POV as all the women here think the men on old are deceiving and really looking for sex. the other side is not innocent. I went on too many dates already. my pocket took heavy damage from all the dates. almost always me walking away. I could have been persistent stayed just for sex and then not contacting again. im not that type of person. your BS "I want a serious relationship" is on your terms and I saw this a lot with the women there. they want a monogamous relationship. they want a man that will take them out, show them a good time, but there is no more commitment than that. they have been married are recently divorced, want to party or simply dont want anything serious (except for the fact they say it) meaning they want you to only sleep with them, but you are not priority. have your cake and eat it too clearly comes to mind. they have busy schedules, have children, work, friends, activities and once in a while they want a man, who will be a good boy and wait by the phone to jump at the opportunity to take the women out and show her a good time. give her some intimacy, be a romantic courter, buy them presents, spoil them but they are just takers. the "you stay there and I stay here and when I want a good time and im horny, we will meet but it wont go further than this" there will be no living together and marriage is most definitely not an option. I saw that with many women on old and when I speak to them on the phone before meeting them I filter them with questions to get a hint but to not give an indication im doing detective work. I always give a date a chance. but I see it over and over. the women is busy, only specfic days she can meet, only on her terms. I would rather spend the money on an escort. and a friend at work does that exactly. he said why do I need to waste my time to women who dont want to put in the effort. I go, do my business, pay her, go home and go to work. I dont need someone who will take and use me. its an illusion you women play and no wonder men dont want to commit. and itll only get worse. I noticed this behavior over and over and had been so dissapointed from what seems like the women wanting a serious relationship but in reality want a dog they can snap their fingers to and he will jump. I hope that men get to screw as many women as they can and dump them because this is what you brought upon themselves. you get what you give. I have to say though that I was very naive before dating and OLD gave me an excellent lesson in regard to women. they are not so fragile and innocent. they are no less users than men. look in your own plates first and then realize why men act this way. 1
Rar0 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I would like to add a males POV as all the women here think the men on old are deceiving and really looking for sex. the other side is not innocent. I went on too many dates already. my pocket took heavy damage from all the dates. almost always me walking away. I could have been persistent stayed just for sex and then not contacting again. im not that type of person. your BS "I want a serious relationship" is on your terms and I saw this a lot with the women there. they want a monogamous relationship. they want a man that will take them out, show them a good time, but there is no more commitment than that. they have been married are recently divorced, want to party or simply dont want anything serious (except for the fact they say it) meaning they want you to only sleep with them, but you are not priority. have your cake and eat it too clearly comes to mind. they have busy schedules, have children, work, friends, activities and once in a while they want a man, who will be a good boy and wait by the phone to jump at the opportunity to take the women out and show her a good time. give her some intimacy, be a romantic courter, buy them presents, spoil them but they are just takers. the "you stay there and I stay here and when I want a good time and im horny, we will meet but it wont go further than this" there will be no living together and marriage is most definitely not an option. I saw that with many women on old and when I speak to them on the phone before meeting them I filter them with questions to get a hint but to not give an indication im doing detective work. I always give a date a chance. but I see it over and over. the women is busy, only specfic days she can meet, only on her terms. I would rather spend the money on an escort. and a friend at work does that exactly. he said why do I need to waste my time to women who dont want to put in the effort. I go, do my business, pay her, go home and go to work. I dont need someone who will take and use me. its an illusion you women play and no wonder men dont want to commit. and itll only get worse. I noticed this behavior over and over and had been so dissapointed from what seems like the women wanting a serious relationship but in reality want a dog they can snap their fingers to and he will jump. I hope that men get to screw as many women as they can and dump them because this is what you brought upon themselves. you get what you give. I have to say though that I was very naive before dating and OLD gave me an excellent lesson in regard to women. they are not so fragile and innocent. they are no less users than men. look in your own plates first and then realize why men act this way. Break contact with them then
Phantom888 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 People on OLD often state things that are not true, or they tell you what you want to hear. Imagine if they all told the truth, they would have no responses EVER. 1
rocketman122 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) Break contact with them then of course. its a given. I go to the dates hoping not to be disappointed. looks arent that much priority. I care about who the person is. and unlike the poster who said reading is rare. I read their profiles, usually twice and many times even more so I dont miss anything. I wont date someone only because of looks. that wont hold long. I come to the date and listen and extract info from them and the picture is very clear. thinking it over in my mind I can remember 4 specific very beautiful women I walked away from. like I said, they want a monogamous R but they dont want a serious relationship, although they say serious. everyone has a different interpretation of serious. to me serious (even before I start dating, means, when the time is right, move in and marriage when that feels right-no rush) . but they wont make you priority. they want to go out when theyre bored. they have tons of love from their kids and friends and family and youre there to fill in that small amount of love thats missing in between their legs. basically they want to know you are available to them when they want. everything is on their terms. its a casual monogamous "serious" R. thats how I call it. although in their minds its a serious relationship since youre only frucking her. basically you belong to her but shes not committing. on OLD there are TONS of women very desperate from 30 or so to 38, more or less. who were never married, no children and they are desperate to get a family going. you can see it in their profile. and if I was an ahole, I could write a perfect profile to get these women, screw them and leave the. Its very tempting at times. im telling you, you could close your eyes and pick, screw and have a new one every week if you chose. So I do walk away. and I salute all those that screw these women and walk away because those women brought it upon themselves. I couldnt do only sex though. I wish I could. women are low class today. how they act today is disgusting and I could only hope it continues. My wallet took a huge hit with them and got nothing back. and no, im not an ugly guy, short or fat or naive, or a sucker. I love with my heart and im a giver and thats my weakness. and a few know here what I look like. not an average joe for sure. Edited June 7, 2014 by rocketman122
rocketman122 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 People on OLD often state things that are not true, or they tell you what you want to hear. Imagine if they all told the truth, they would have no responses EVER. anybody can be anyone on old and the internet. I always go on a date with caution. I know women say that more so but from the tons of time I wasted on dates I can say the women are just as much liars as they said about the men. and from What I saw, women want to hold on to their youths much more and always show pictures of themselves from years ago "look how beautiful I used to look" and they are perfectionists of selfies and showing only the best pics of themselves. so you see the main, say to yourself hmmm, lets see. click on the other pics and you wonder how the hell is this the same person. especially heavier women dont show below their chest. its deceiving and that right there is my first no no. then lets not talk about the age dishonety. no im actually 47, not 43. luckily for them, I like older women.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I would like to add a males POV as all the women here think the men on old are deceiving and really looking for sex. the other side is not innocent. I went on too many dates already. my pocket took heavy damage from all the dates. almost always me walking away. I could have been persistent stayed just for sex and then not contacting again. im not that type of person. your BS "I want a serious relationship" is on your terms and I saw this a lot with the women there. they want a monogamous relationship. they want a man that will take them out, show them a good time, but there is no more commitment than that. they have been married are recently divorced, want to party or simply dont want anything serious (except for the fact they say it) meaning they want you to only sleep with them, but you are not priority. have your cake and eat it too clearly comes to mind. they have busy schedules, have children, work, friends, activities and once in a while they want a man, who will be a good boy and wait by the phone to jump at the opportunity to take the women out and show her a good time. give her some intimacy, be a romantic courter, buy them presents, spoil them but they are just takers. the "you stay there and I stay here and when I want a good time and im horny, we will meet but it wont go further than this" there will be no living together and marriage is most definitely not an option. I saw that with many women on old and when I speak to them on the phone before meeting them I filter them with questions to get a hint but to not give an indication im doing detective work. I always give a date a chance. but I see it over and over. the women is busy, only specfic days she can meet, only on her terms. I would rather spend the money on an escort. and a friend at work does that exactly. he said why do I need to waste my time to women who dont want to put in the effort. I go, do my business, pay her, go home and go to work. I dont need someone who will take and use me. its an illusion you women play and no wonder men dont want to commit. and itll only get worse. I noticed this behavior over and over and had been so dissapointed from what seems like the women wanting a serious relationship but in reality want a dog they can snap their fingers to and he will jump. I hope that men get to screw as many women as they can and dump them because this is what you brought upon themselves. you get what you give. I have to say though that I was very naive before dating and OLD gave me an excellent lesson in regard to women. they are not so fragile and innocent. they are no less users than men. look in your own plates first and then realize why men act this way. You're not at all bitter or jaded, are you? Give me a break. Have you ever considered the possibility that these women you've so eloquently described and dated are probably acting like this because they realized pretty quickly upon meeting you that they're just NOT that into YOU after all. I'm not sure why not since you seem absolutely charming... Clearly you're not doing a very good job at vetting your prospects if you keep ending up with women who only date you for a free dinner and a ride on your c*ck. I mean, that is what you're implying isn't it? Maybe you're better off with an escort. This way you both can screw each other over and still end the night with a smile on your faces. 1
rocketman122 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) You're not at all bitter or jaded, are you? Give me a break. Have you ever considered the possibility that these women you've so eloquently described and dated are probably acting like this because they realized pretty quickly upon meeting you that they're just NOT that into YOU after all. I'm not sure why not since you seem absolutely charming... Clearly you're not doing a very good job at vetting your prospects if you keep ending up with women who only date you for a free dinner and a ride on your c*ck. I mean, that is what you're implying isn't it? Maybe you're better off with an escort. This way you both can screw each other over and still end the night with a smile on your faces. Dont assume anything. you write this based on how you came to the conclusion but you know nothing. so... what I say is accurate. the women do want to date me and even try to convince me. more than happy to show u sms "well if you change your mind.." and "think it over" and nonsense like that. never happened that I went to date without a kiss and not "im gonna hold you down and not let you go till you kiss me" but very much wanting a relationship. I just see that what i would give, I wont get back even half as much. no I am, but they are deceiving. like phantom said, people lie about themselves. they tell you what you want to hear. but I always give a chance to meet because on the phone people are different than when youre with them face to face and I read their body language. I see who they are. I always say, go see with your own eyes. hearing is differnt. on the phone people can hide their reactions. you dont see their body language and they have a wall up because theyre in a safe environment. but when I meet them in a cafe or restaurant, they cannot hide. as a pro photog, I see everything. I dont need to try hard to find a women. I have a lot of options. im around women all the time in my career. it really isnt an issue. but im picky with who the person is. like I said, I work with my heart, not my c**K. and god forbid that cant be right? a man who has women wanting to screw him and he turns down free sex. all men must be pigs and want to get their C**KS wet, right? no man should have any say if a women want to sleep with him? just take it and be happy? I shouldnt have any integrity or any self worth? just whip it out because she wants to..cmon now. there are people like me, guys who are tall muscular good looking who dont have luck dating as well. its not only the average people. I have different standards and its not about the looks so much. its knowing the person wants the same as me and from what I see today, women are not what they used to be. I dont live in the US, I live to the right of the map. I grew up in the US. when dating im romantic and a gentleman (hard to believe I know) and caring and a great courter and the women here are looking for that and its the reason I go to so many dates and why women want to be in an R with me but for me, its not about the looks. they were married, and dont want anything committed. serious in their eyes, yes, but casual in my eys except im screwing only her. if it ever gets there. Edited June 7, 2014 by rocketman122
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Dont assume anything. you write this based on how you came to the conclusion but you know nothing. so... Of course I'm going to do some assuming! And I don't know you just as you don't know me or the OP for that matter. Hell, no one on here really KNOWS anyone apart from a few choice words tied together in a sentence or two. Somehow these carefully constructed sentences are supposed to accurately convey our thoughts and emotions and opinions which in turn provoke us to respond in the same manner. Do you not think you're guilty of assuming on here or elsewhere? I think you are. Regardless, all I have to say to both of your posts is that it goes both ways. Men are no better than women just as women are no better than men. We ALL experience the our fair share of leeches when it comes to dating and relationships regardless of the gender. Your attitude towards women and the words you chose to tell your story just seemed overly aggressive in my opinion and that was what I was responding to. 3
phineas Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I would like to add a males POV as all the women here think the men on old are deceiving and really looking for sex. the other side is not innocent. I went on too many dates already. my pocket took heavy damage from all the dates. almost always me walking away. I could have been persistent stayed just for sex and then not contacting again. im not that type of person. your BS "I want a serious relationship" is on your terms and I saw this a lot with the women there. they want a monogamous relationship. they want a man that will take them out, show them a good time, but there is no more commitment than that. they have been married are recently divorced, want to party or simply dont want anything serious (except for the fact they say it) meaning they want you to only sleep with them, but you are not priority. have your cake and eat it too clearly comes to mind. they have busy schedules, have children, work, friends, activities and once in a while they want a man, who will be a good boy and wait by the phone to jump at the opportunity to take the women out and show her a good time. give her some intimacy, be a romantic courter, buy them presents, spoil them but they are just takers. the "you stay there and I stay here and when I want a good time and im horny, we will meet but it wont go further than this" there will be no living together and marriage is most definitely not an option. I saw that with many women on old and when I speak to them on the phone before meeting them I filter them with questions to get a hint but to not give an indication im doing detective work. I always give a date a chance. but I see it over and over. the women is busy, only specfic days she can meet, only on her terms. I would rather spend the money on an escort. and a friend at work does that exactly. he said why do I need to waste my time to women who dont want to put in the effort. I go, do my business, pay her, go home and go to work. I dont need someone who will take and use me. its an illusion you women play and no wonder men dont want to commit. and itll only get worse. I noticed this behavior over and over and had been so dissapointed from what seems like the women wanting a serious relationship but in reality want a dog they can snap their fingers to and he will jump. I hope that men get to screw as many women as they can and dump them because this is what you brought upon themselves. you get what you give. I have to say though that I was very naive before dating and OLD gave me an excellent lesson in regard to women. they are not so fragile and innocent. they are no less users than men. look in your own plates first and then realize why men act this way. Yep. I see this a lot for women in my age group (around 40) They want it on their terms. I can't be bothered with that.
Recommended Posts