Lucysmom Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Hi, Thanks for reading and responding, if you do. Here's the situation: I was away for the morning with our daughter and returned home. When we got home HE drove us around for the next 4.5 hours looking at areas to buy homes. He originally said these two towns up north A and B. Then we ended up going way up into the mountains into two other towns C and D that had damage from recent flooding that he wanted to check out. On our way down the mountain to head to another town E - I noticed the gas light had come on. I mentioned that the gas light was on and he said "how much gas did you leave us with?" His tone was hostile and accusatory so I said "I feel like you are blaming me for this." He said "well it is your car and you drove it earlier and you've been in the car this whole time so it is equally your responsibility." I tried to explain that this is a drivers responsibility and since I wasn't driving any longer that I didn't pay attention to it. Not only that but we drove further than I thought we were going to as well - like the original plan he told me about. For the record my car gets great gas mileage and I left us with somewhere between 1/2 - 1/3 of a tank. We did stop at a gas station to get a drink and use the restroom while out driving too - just didn't get gas... I was taking care of our daughter while he was driving and changing her diaper at the gas station. Any thoughts on this? This is a bigger argument than it needs to be honestly. I will show him these responses. Thanks! ~Couple not seeing this situation the same. Ps we are seeing a therapist already and my biggest problem with this is not feeling safe and then being blamed by him.
clia Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Generally I think that the driver is in charge of monitoring the gas level because the driver has easiest access to see the fuel gauge. That said, given that you knew there was only 1/3 to 1/2 of gas left in the tank because you were the last one who drove, and that you had been driving around for 4 1/2 hours, I don't think you are totally off the hook. But I honestly don't understand how you guys could stop at the gas station and it not occur to either one of you to check the gas level and/or fill up the tank while you were there. It's strange all around. 2
TheGuard13 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 It's the driver's responsibility to monitor the gas in the car, but there really shouldn't have been an argument, period. The gas light being on doesn't mean you are out of gas. It means you are almost out of gas. You could probably get another 50 miles even with the light in most modern vehicles. 1
Keenly Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 My first point is who the blank CARES who's fault or responsibility it is. Put some gas in the car and quit arguing about it, both of you. But if you want my opinion, the owner of the car is responsible for routine maintenance, filling up would tell into this category. 1
BetrayedH Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Meant gently, I can't belive that this is remotely worth an argument. No one ran out of gas, right? So, it's no one's 'fault' for a problem that didn't actually happen. NEITHER of you should be hostile. IF you knew that the light was on and never mentioned it before a long trip AND you ran out of gas, then sure, I'd put some blame on you. And IF the light turned one while your H was driving AND he ran out of gas, then I would put some blame on him. As it is, NOTHING HAPPENED. Methinks you two need some perspective on how to pick your battles in a marriage. I can see a friendly debate over something this trivial but suggesting that it's worthy of discussion in therapy makes me shake my head. The one thing I'll grant you is that if your H was 'hostile' in response to the gas light being pointed out, it sounds like he started an argument that wasn't worth the keystrokes it to you to describe. 7
MidwestUSA Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Methinks you two need some perspective on how to pick your battles in a marriage. I can see a friendly debate over something this trivial but suggesting that it's worthy of discussion in therapy makes me shake my head. The one thing I'll grant you is that if your H was 'hostile' in response to the gas light being pointed out, it sounds like he started an argument that wasn't worth the keystrokes it to you to describe. Imagine the arguments that can arise from the search and purchase of a new home! OP, time to get a handle on this. 3
Imported Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 This is an ant hill of a problem. The part about the gas. What it turned into was just stupid. It should have been a non-issue. Holy crap, just get some gas. 2
harrybrown Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 my wife feels like it is my responsibility to have gas in all the cars, even though she is the only one that drives the car. so are you working together as a team now? both are responsible. next time get gas when you stop to get the drink, etc. hopefully you MC will help you to use some homework in how to work together and be a team. Not to pick each other apart, we all have strengths and weaknesses. both of you should be adults and take responsibility. But sometimes the passenger can't see the gauge.
BetrayedH Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Imagine the arguments that can arise from the search and purchase of a new home! OP, time to get a handle on this. I spent 8 months trying to forgive my wife for a year-long affair. In comparison I just can't help but conclude that these two are sweating the small stuff. When your vows mention the 'bad times,' they meant more than almost running out of gas. All that said, I also get that this may just be another example in a wider and more systemic problem. If that's the case, I hope they address the systemic problem rather than getting all caught up in minutae.
spiderowl Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 (edited) The guys is totally unreasonable. He can't blame you if the gas is running out because he's been driving around all that time. He's got to be mindful of the gas if he's the driver. Is he generally like this? No wonder you are seeing a counsellor! If there are underlying tensions in a relationship, they tend to come out in all sorts of other ways and end up in arguments about the most bizarre things. My marriage was like this for quite some time before I realised my ex was making everything hard work. The only solution was to leave. Edited June 7, 2014 by spiderowl
readynow Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 I personally don't like how you mentioned that you were running out of gas and how he automatically blamed you for it. You had gone out and returned with fuel in the car. He proceeded to drive for hours after that. How are you responsible for the fuel? If he had a flat tyre, would he blame you for that too? No likey.
Radu Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Discussing who's fault it is the car ran out of gas is pointless. The problem is his way of saying it. You said 'we are running out of gas', i assume in a non-accusatory or nagging fashion. He should not have said it the way he did, in an accusatory fashion ... just the question itself is an insult because the assumption from the start is that it was you who did it. He should have said 'how much gas does the car usually have after the light comes on ?' ... much simpler. PS: You should keep a can with gas in the can no matter what, even if it's a few liters.
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