Author billy baru Posted June 8, 2014 Author Posted June 8, 2014 So he's 21 years younger. You haven't said how old you, your wife or this guy is but if he's 21 years younger, it won't be long before he sees that he can do better than mess around with a woman whose old enough to be his mother and some day a woman his age is going to give him the high sign and I doubt very much if he's going to stick around with a woman whose better days have passed (no offense to you) but lets face it. Something younger, prettier, firmer comes swinging along he's going to find a new pasture to graze and she's going to be stuck with no family and a bunch of empty vodka bottles and for what. Some cheap sex and a thrill. I'm early 50's, she's late 40's. And my best days are still ahead of me Bubba. Yeah, I don't think it'll last. He's probably going to want to marry and start a family some day, pretty hard to do that with a woman staring at menopause. No family, empty vodka bottles, and probably a "flavor of the month". Hell of a lifestyle she chose... 1
Author billy baru Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Cathartic day today. I cleaned out "her" side of the closet, and emptied out the rest of her stuff in Hefty bags to take to the storage shed. She can go get it when she wants it. Amazing how much less cluttered my room is now. 3
Author billy baru Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 You are hurting. I agree that you should get the trust documents in order and proceed with the divorce. But please remember that your wife is a human being. There is something bad going on with her. Many people have crises during their lives – many people who have led good lives go through chaotic times. Often it is difficult to understand what is going on with them (or within them) - particularly if we do not try and understand. Maybe a “no go” from your perspective – and that’s quite reasonable – but consider whether or not she needs to be pushed into the abyss. You cleaned out her closet and put her things in trash bags. ] No question that the D is going forward. Yes, my WS is a human. I treated her as such. If I was pushing her into the "abyss", I would have tossed everything on the front lawn and told her girlfriend to inform her to come get it before the weather screwed stuff up. I agree that something bad is going on with her. I hope she gets it fixed someday. 1
Author billy baru Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Both kids were at friends houses today (one of the reasons I waited). They didn't need to see that, and I'm not bringing it up to them. 1
beatcuff Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 now we know the rest of the story. No way she got to 3 bottles of vodka a week without your enabling Mr. H.... OP as much as it hurts, there is truth in this. as you continue your journey with your MC (btw pastor works as well) you should find over the past year(s) her drinking did increase. maybe not in front of you. but it did. three bottle a week habit does not develop overnight. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 beatcuff I disagree! I have seen it happen several times, including my Ex BIL, who I had known since before my sister was born. We even worked together, the man did not drink until he started his affair. No beers after work, nothing. The closest in that household was my sister, who liked an occasional wine cooler. By occasional I mean less than half a dozen a year 1
Author billy baru Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 OP as much as it hurts, there is truth in this. as you continue your journey with your MC (btw pastor works as well) you should find over the past year(s) her drinking did increase. maybe not in front of you. but it did. three bottle a week habit does not develop overnight. Actually, it doesn't hurt at all, she made the decision to start boozing it up after she left. I'm willing to own up to my share of the marital problems ( out of town too much, probably not paying enough attention to her, etc), but the A and the decision to drink excessively are on her. She's a big girl. And I didn't smell booze on her when she was still here, so if her alcohol intake increased, that was something else done behind my back.
Author billy baru Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 So today, I get a text from her girlfriend accusing me of not allowing the kids to contact WS. Told her 1 Kids are old enough to decide for themselves whether to respond to their mom or not. I'm not doing anything to block her from contacting them. 2. The girlfriend's number is going to be blocked from contacting me. If WS has something to say, she can say it to me. Unreal. Lol. 4
Hobbes' wagon Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Document it for your attorney. This is an element of a potential smear campaign and building up grounds for the custody battle. Be careful, and talk to your attorney about protecting yourself and not waiting. Best wishes! 1
beatcuff Posted June 13, 2014 Posted June 13, 2014 beatcuff I disagree! I have seen it happen several times, including my Ex BIL, who I had known since before my sister was born. We even worked together, the man did not drink until he started his affair. No beers after work, nothing. The closest in that household was my sister, who liked an occasional wine cooler. By occasional I mean less than half a dozen a year we are not talking about getting drunk we are talking about over the top: look at it this way --- ever watch those real 'cop' shows in which a person blows a .20 in the breathalyzer? ever try it? you can't SUDDENLY do it: you'd puke your brains out / need days to recover, etc. OP stated 3 bottles a week of vodka. assuming the typical 1.75 liter bottles would mean about 28, 2 oz shots or 14 a day. i will assume she is sharing. so to go from 0 to 7 in days or inside a month??? so she built it up, over a year +. how? easy. you notice she has a drink, every day, but did not notice the refill (she's smart and only 1/2 refills it). and you never taste it so you do not notice the strength. WS's could learn from heavy drinkers about hiding it, they are awesome at it.
Author billy baru Posted June 14, 2014 Author Posted June 14, 2014 I assume she's sharing her alcohol too. My Gramps was an alkie, you could smell the fumes from a long way off. He tried to hide it with cigar smoke and peppermints , but the smell came through. I didn't smell that when the WS was sleeping next to me.
oldshirt Posted June 15, 2014 Posted June 15, 2014 Be documenting the alcohol bottles and other evidence of drinking. Photograph them and get other witnesses to verify anything that points to a chemical abuse issue. If you are going for custody, you will have to prove she is an unfit or unsafe parent. The courts couldn't care less that she is a crappy wife or a cheater. They only care about the welfare of the children. 1
Author billy baru Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 I can't get photographs of her booze bottles, she doesn't live here anymore. She abandoned everything for her AP and their "friendship". I've documented what has been said to me by other folks about her drinking, but hearsay won't hold up in court. My lawyer says that full custody should be pretty easy for me to get given the circumstances, and the 16 year old is dead set against living with her mom.
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